CARPE M*^&$#FU**#@ING DIEM

Our romantic life was on the rocks (again), and the last talk we’d had about it was two weeks ago when he broke down and told me, “I feel like if this were any other problem you would want to work on it right away, but because it’s sex, you just keep ignoring it.”

Not cool. I had definitely become the bad girlfriend, and not in the good, spank-your-bum bad girlfriend way.

So when one of my dear friends Amanda initiated a make-out session with me during a gathering of friends (and after several glasses of wine), I went with it. Not necessarily because I felt turned on (although Amanda is gorgeous and I’ve actually fantasized about her since the day we met a few years ago), but because it was something different.

After Amanda and I concluded our semi-public suck-face show, my man pulled me over.

“We have to have a threesome.” He hissed, failing to hide the total desperation in his voice. God I hated to let him down, the hope in his little eyes was just so bright! But…

“Honey, it’s just that I’m tired. And I have a fever. And a threesome just sounds like so much work! I’m – I’m just not in the mood.”

His whole body slumps, he doesn’t even have the will to try and fight me on it. And that’s when I realize I have been so sexually distant I have actually stripped his will to stand up for things that are good and true in relationships – like threesomes. And then I look at Amanda and I think, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?! After all, it was only a year ago that my boyfriend and I were HUNTING for a girl to have a threesome with and now, when our relationship needs it most, the opportunity presents itself and I decline? So what if I’m not in the GD “mood”? I realize if I want any chance of sexual long-term relationship salvation I better get it up right here, right now.

“You go wait upstairs,” I say to my guy, “I’ll be right back.”

One quick conversation (and two quick shots) with Amanda and she’s lying on our bed, totally naked, ready to go. We do our threesome thing, and it’s overwhelming and carnal and hilarious and comfortable – overall, totally awesome (and did I mention Amanda eats a mean pussy?), but the real contribution the night brought to our relationship was the aftermath. It prompted me to rediscover the on-fire, do anything (or anyone) tigress who is finally able to bring something to the metaphorical do-me-harder table once again. And in turn, my boyfriend saw the return of the sexually adventurous women he fell in love with, and has fallen even harder for her because of it.

I am happy to report that the dude and I have made love EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK (which is a very big deal), and each time has been more rockin’ then the next. What I’ve taken away from this is that you can’t always wait until the time is 100% right to muff dive in, because the farther you’ve gone down a stagnant path, the harder it can be to find the light again. Faking it till you make it isn’t always negative, in fact sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered.

Carpe Motherfucking Diem Baby.

No Comments

  1. Anonymous
    February 6, 2009

    What a Spectacular article, rock on sista!

  2. Anonymous
    February 12, 2009

    Straight girls making out with other straight girls to impress their loser boyfriends is like soooo 1992.

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