by Therese de Grace

What is with the whole Christmas card thing? With the state of our environment do you really think we should be wasting the paper sending yuletide joy to people we really don’t give a flying fajita about?  Then there are the “Jones” who send you a bullshit Christmas card along with a novel size letter detailing with a great deal of exaggeration the happens of the last year and then if that isn’t abusive enough your eyes start to sting as the family photos is in your hand and every child looks traumatized gazing back at you as they wearing matching Barf-mass sweaters.  Ah, what would Jesus do? 

Last week I received the most disturbing Christmas card of all.  Underneath the signature of this person they listed every accolade, title and competition they had ever been a part of.  Are you fucking kidding me!  I was shocked he didn’t include Master of the Universe along with his placing during his first elementary school Science Fair.  I am going to buy this Douche Bag a Christmas card and under my signature it will read: 

Therese DeGrace

Lesbionic Cage Fighter

Winner of Rose of Tralley Lovely Girls Competition

Manager of Straws and Napkins

Champion Luvah and Chick Sacker

Activist Against Pompous and Arrogant Wind Bags 

Anyhow, this Shit head makes a great Christmas Afternoon Tea Dish that I wanted to share with you and if he dares to read my article and decides to comment I would advise him to take note of the limited space before he signs off.

High Tea Christmas Scones With Whipped Cream and Cranberry Compote 

For the Scones:

2.5 cups of flour
2 tablespoons of sugar
2 teaspoons of baking powder
2.5 teaspoons of baking soda
½ a cup of cold butter cut into cubes
¾ cup of 35% cream (plus a bit extra to brush scones with)
Zest of one lemon 

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Combine all ingredients except for the cream and run the mixture through your hands until it resembles coarse meal, put your dough on a floured surface and knead it 4 times or until it becomes a ball.  Roll out your dough and cut into ½ and inch by 1 inch pieces using a round cutter.  Place on your scones on a cookies sheet; brush the tops lightly with cream.  Bake for 35 minutes. 

For The Cranberry Compote:

2 cups of white sugar
2 cups of cranberries
1/3 a cup of water2 tablespoons of whisky
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 cinnamon stick
½ a teaspoon of freshly grated ginger 

*Put all ingredients into a pot and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and allow to simmer for 20 minutes.  Remove from heat. 

For the Whipped Cream:

1 cup of 35% cream
¼ cup of icing sugar 

*Sift your sugar and beat the 35% cream and icing sugar until your cream resembles soft peaks.