I get it. You’re busy. I’m busy. We both have jobs. Commitments. Responsibilities. Dinner reservations. Birthday parties. Staff meetings. Yoga classes. Doctor’s appointments. Eye exams. Poetry readings. And so on. The city is an extraordinary place full of important people, all of whom are generally friendly, over-worked, and anal retentive about how they choose to spend their time off. Work-life balance. Preach.
But then there are flakes – the unreliable, disorganized, careless, stupid jerks disguised as ordinary people. Everyone knows one, or two, even three if you’ve got bad luck making friends. And when the flake shows his/her true colours, it’s only a matter of time until people cut them out entirely. Because really, who wants to make plans with someone if they’re going to bail last-minute? It’s not a LOL situation either. It’s rude. And I won’t be making any more time for people who consistently bail on scheduled plans. Grow up, will you?!
Before I rip someone a new asshole, I’ll admit I flake from time to time, sometimes for good reasons, sometimes not, but I abide by an unspoken rule of the city that most of us follow: Everybody gets two Get Out Of Jail Free cards. The first cancellation can happen to anyone. We’re a city of hourly mood swings, and cancelling a night out is totally acceptable if you’re not in the mood, not feeling well, or had a catastrophically bad (hair) day. The second time a person bails, well, that’s unfortunate. But still, most of us can understand.
But the third time? You’ve lost your privileges to make plans with someone because you’ve recklessly wasted another person’s time. Be ashamed of yourself. You carelessly took a steamy shit on someone else’s day because you’re too wrapped up in your problems to care that you sabotaged a night out for another person. Thanks for that.
If you cancel plans earlier in the day/hours before the hangout, that’s 100% fine. You’ve given the other person plenty of notice and you stayed courteous by letting them know (in suitable advance) that something has come up. Perfect. Excellent job. You’re a fully grown person, and you’ve shown another person that you respect their time. Pat yourself on the back. You’re like an adult or something. For all those people who wait until the last minute to cancel, well that’s just cruel and unusual treatment. Who raised you, Cruella de Vil?
Now you’re probably wondering: Well, Sarah, what would you REALLY be doing if he didn’t waste your time? Oh. Glad you asked. Probably doing whatever the fuck I felt like. Maybe I would have wandered to Roncesvalles, joined a choir, signed up for a Big Hit Kickboxing class or napped until infinity. It doesn’t matter. I want my time back, and now I’m scrambling to make plans with someone else last minute.
If there’s one thing I enjoy most about flaky people, it’s their excuses. “My phone died” is by far the most stupid excuse I’ve ever heard. We don’t live in 2001 anymore; the old days of obscure phone chargers are over. It’s 2016, and every single person has an iPhone 6 (+) charger. You’re a fool and probably a player texting multiple women at the same time. But wait, there are more excuses too! Get ready. Here’s a few I’ve recently heard from the fuck boy who inspired me to write this angry rant:
The Freak Accident
“Ugghhhh. I’m sorry. I just got home. I went to the hospital because my friend broke his leg.”
Note: But YOU didn’t break your leg, right?
The Overly Supportive Brother
“Listen. My sister just dumped her boyfriend. I’ve got to go to her house right now and help her. It’s really bad.”
Note: Extra points for having a weird relationship with your sister.
I haven’t eaten for days. I can barely keep my eyes open. I think I have the plague.
Note: The last case of the plague reported in Canada was in 1939. Interesting.
How about we do another night? Maybe Tuesday night? Wednesday night? Thursday? Friday? How about Saturday? Sunday? Next Monday? What if we try for next Tuesday? Or the Wednesday after that? Meet me at this bar with my friends? Come to my work to hang out? Drop by my parent’s house when I’m not there?
Note: How about we set a date in 2020, so I can punch you in the dick?
Reschedule Forever is the worst and most dangerous excuse of all. If you find yourself in a situation with one of these people, delete/block/erase from memory/move on. Forget this person ever existed because they will waste more time than any other flake in the city.
Consider yourself warned. Take my angry rant and apply to it your life. I know a flake, and I’m sick of being ditched, bailed and shit on. I’m a person, I have a schedule, a clock, and I’ve got legs that will help me get to a location when I’m called upon. So do me and the rest of Toronto a favour: Don’t make plans if you can’t show up, asshole.