Rogue Vogue

Crow's Feet

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:21:56 -0700

by Jen McNeely
Youth is so passé. There is no better way to look like a literary junkie, up to no good, then to have wrinkles bookend your eyes. “Yes I read the New Yorker and Economist cover to cover, just look into my eyes. There are simply not enough hours of the day for me to glare at text, ingest intellectualism and masturbate to visions of an inexperienced little Tom looking for a grand ma-ma.” Facials are for wimps and eight hours of sleep for pussies. What men really want is a woman to look aged like an earthy French merlot. Use your crows feet to interject dinner parties with “When I was your age, we used fax machines. Ah ha ha ha ha” That sentence is pure sex when annunciated with a crumpled wink. The more lines you have the more you can caw at young suitors yearning for an experienced Mrs. Robinson.

The Anti-Chic Manifesto

Olga Barsky — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:57:51 -0700

Every year there emerges a word, which is so new and exciting that it becomes grossly overused within months. Last year, the city was buzzing with ‘fabulous’ this and ‘fabulous’ that. It began with the top tier of society, and quickly trickled down to the Joes and Janes. We just couldn’t get enough. We were ‘fabulous,’ our friends were ‘fabulous,’ and of course, our shoes were the most ‘fabulous’ of all.

This year, there’s a new ‘fabulous’ in town, and it’s even more versatile, more popular, and more vile. ‘Chic’ – it’s simple, clean, and rolls off the tongue. It stands alone, can be used as an adjective, or hyphenated with just about anything to describe whatever your heart desires. Boho-chic! Casual-chic! Redundant-chic?

The Menstrual Cup

Lizzie — Tue, 5 Aug 2008 12:55:25 -0700

Diva, Lunette, Miacup. No, these are not the members of Girlicious. These are menstrual cups: marketers have – apparently – universally determined that the branding of such hygiene products should evoke a strange collision between folky Lilith Fair feminism and in your face Bratz culture. Clever. In balancing diametrically opposed concepts they follow in a well-heeled line of iconic fashion statements: YSL’s feminine yet fierce tuxedo suit, Calvin Klein’s androgynous yet sexy heroin chic, Gap’s season of West Side Story battles between khakis and jeans. You heard it here first, SDTC readers. Fall ’08 will be the season of the menstrual cup: sassy, yet cyclically aligned with the goddess of the moon.

Mixed Eyes

Lizzie — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 09:40:53 -0700

This is an unassailable fact. People blessed with two different colour eyes ooze cool. David Bowie, the smoothest cat of this century has them. As does Jane Seymour of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, the gutsiest broad of the fictional nineteenth century. And while I think I could rest my case rather convincingly with Dr. Quinn, I will forge onwards.

Inky Fingers

Lizzie McNeely — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:31:08 -0700

by Lizzie
To attract those with a brains & beauty fetish, there’s no need to invest in head to toe sexy librarian attire. Wool tights are scratchy, and besides, didn’t your mother ever teach you that less is more? No ladies, the secret to conveying an irresistible vibe of detached intellectualism is just the slightest smattering of newspaper ink on your fingertips.

While you may assume that a look of informed worldliness would be best achieved by reading a report on the status of Sudanese refugees in The Globe’s Focus Section, the accoutrement of choice is a free weekly: cheap ink and colour equals ease of application. This weekly should be kept alongside the eyelash curler and liquid foundation in your boudoir’s most accessible drawer. Run your fingers up and down the shemale ads for bonus pleasure.

Bra Strap Burn

Lizzie McNeely — Mon, 9 Jun 2008 14:11:49 -0700

Given that the Vitamin D as elixir of life hypothesis has been rockin’ the pop science pages these days, bra strap burns were bound to make a comeback. Now is the time to defy your concerned friends’ and lovers’ oh so unfashionable attempts to slather your back with SPF 40 and brand yourself with lingerie*.

Much like getting bangs or getting married, the choice of what bra to wear with which tank top in preparation of your self-fry session should not be taken lightly. If you are of a burn first, fade into perma-tan later complexion, this decision may have summer long ramifications.

Wine Lips

Thu, 29 May 2008 14:57:12 -0700

Nothing says, “I’m going to blow you and swallow your cum” like wine lips. It is a mark of inebriation, but also a way to draw attention to your luscious lips and let him know that you have more to offer than missionary; and you don’t mind getting a little sassy when you are sauced.

THE CANE: A MARK OF AUTHOURITY AND CLASS

Jen — Fri, 16 May 2008 11:05:10 -0700

by Jen McNeely

Taking cues from sexy prick Dr. House, the cane is now an accessory that you can lean on whether you have arthritis or not.

Oak hook, black shaft, bone carved, light weight – the choices and styles to choose from are endless. Further, be sure to hold firm to a cane with a name that is truly an extension of self: The Duke, My Lord, The Brier Rabbit, and The Connoisseur – the cane’s personality should match the cultured and high class woman you are.

Let the cane walk you while you swivel your hips side to side. If you’re feeling brash enough, do a foxy three point twist around the cane while waiting for the light to change.

Brace Face

laurenvalentine — Tue, 6 May 2008 13:24:23 -0700

The Must-Have Spring Look
Article by Lauren Valentine

Brace yourself – metal mouth is on the rise and orthodontics are becoming more popular (and sexier!) then ever. In fact, an article published in early 2008 declared some 4 million people in Canada and the US wear orthodontic braces, and an estimated 1 million (25%) of these people are 18 years or older.

When I marched into The Brace Place in September 2007, I was 21, recently graduated from college, and had three months left to suck the teat on my parent's health insurance as a "dependant". I was hesitant about this whole tinsel teeth thing but I was also cheap, and realized if I was ever going to do this, now was the time.