SDTC Finishing School

A quick text message makes it almost too easy to tell a friend that we are running ten minutes behind schedule. And while ten minutes isn’t the end of the world, if we are consistently ten minutes late, it might really chap a friend’s ass. It sends a message, if even in a whisper, that our time is more precious than theirs. Full disclosure: I am occasionally guilty of this, too, and bless my friends for loving me in spite of it.

Particularly when someone is providing sustenance, punctuality is important, arriving within 15 minutes of when you were invited to come. In fact, showing to a dinner party a sliver late (five or ten minutes) might give your hosts a moment to catch their breath. The French have this nailed: showing up early to dinner and ambushing your hosts early could potentially embarrass them, quel désastre, so a few minutes of grace time is just that, graceful. However, showing up more than 20 minutes late, with no heads up,  isn’t cool.

If you are a serial offender, try putting appointments into your calendar 15 minutes before you are meant to be there. And if you can’t realistically get to dinner on time, call to tell your host. They can then make a decision on whether to hold off on serving or ordering until you arrive, or opt to go ahead without you. Some people might not be at all fussed and others might be unimpressed with your tardiness. Apologize once you arrive, regardless.

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at www.twitter.com/schoolfinishing

~ Karen Cleveland

Manners are sexy! Whether you are going on a date with someone on Valentine’s Day for the first or hundredth time, some helpful tips to up your game.

• Valentine’s Day is a packed night for restaurants so a reservation might be a great idea. If you’re going somewhere that doesn’t take reservations, or you’re just meeting up for a drink, try and get there early so you can beat your date there, and nab seats.

• A menu of aphrodisiacs can feel a bit contrived and often subtly is sexier.

• Bad table manners are a massive turn off. Keep those basics in mind, such as napkin on lap, not inhaling your meal, not talking with mouth full and treating the wait staff kindly.

• You want your date’s full attention (and they want yours) so keep phones away. If it is out of site, you will be less tempted to check it.

• If you are checking out a new place, give some thought to details to keep you punctual, like how you’ll get there and where you’ll park.

• When the bill hits the table, there’s nothing more awkward than a drawn-out exchange of  “I’ll get it”, “no, I insist, I’ll get it”. If someone really wants to treat you, let them, and graciously thank them. If you want to contribute and the night is going well, you could offer to carry on somewhere else for dessert, coffee or a drink as your treat, or offer to pick up the bill for your next date.

~ Karen Cleveland

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at twitter.com/schoolfinishing or formspring.me/KarenCleveland

A great toast is to New Year’s Eve what mistletoe is to Christmas. Whether you are quietly ringing in the New Year with some close folks at home, or getting fancy and hitting the town, up the warm-and-fuzzy factor by raising a glass to your company. Making a toast is a nod to those you are with and if you are hosting, it is a lovely gesture to your guests.

First, do a pan of your crew to ensure everyone has a drink in-hand. Water or mocktails will do just nicely – a toast isn’t a reason to put frat boy-like pressure on someone to pound back drinks. No occasion is, actually, but I digress.

Once you’ve surveyed the scene and everyone has a bevvie, get their attention. Depending on your setting, you can do this could by simply standing, moving into a more visible area, or gently clinking a knife against your glass.

Keeping your glass raised (chest-height is perfect), make your intentions clear and brief, “Thank you for coming tonight. I’d like to raise a glass to….”

Toast to a thing: a person, a place, an activity, or if you’re stumped, the upcoming year will do in a pinch. Say a few words about your subject (kind ones, please and thank you) then raise your glass higher and finish with repeating the toastee. Your co-toaster will follow suit as I’m sure it isn’t their first time at the rodeo: they’ll raise their glasses and repeat your subject.

In formal settings or very large groups, it is common to forgo clinking glasses and take a drink after glasses have been raised. In more casual settings, clink away (etiquette purists might frown upon this but I say go for it) . Either way, keep eye contact with your company as you sip. (psst….here is a good standby that you are welcomed to borrow, “May you live as long as you want. And never want as long as you live”.)

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at www.twitter.com/schoolfinishing

~ Karen Cleveland

Dear Kim,
I am so sorry to hear that things didn’t work out for you and Kris. It was clear from the beginning that you were both madly in love and had the purest of intentions. You worked so hard, for so long, to make it work and despite your efforts, I’ve heard you’re moving on. I wish you and Kris nothing but the best.

Now, some gentle guidance around handling some delicate matters that lay ahead.

You and Kris need to return your wedding gifts, tout de suite, with handwritten notes thanking each recipient for their gift and for their understanding during this difficult time. You should send back gifts to your friends and family; Kris should send back items to his. And on the off-chance that you’ve actually unwrapped or even used a gift and it is not suitable to return to its sender, donate it to a charity.

Conventional etiquette suggests an engagement ring is a bride’s to keep, unless it is a heirloom in the groom’s family. From what I understand, your ring is not a heirloom of the Humphries family but I highly encourage you to give it back to Kris anyways. You’ve had it for such a short time, surely you can’t be sentimentally attached to it – I reckon that you’ve had the shoes on your feet for longer than you sported this ring. Moreover, its value could bring a small country out of debt and Kris shouldn’t continue to pay for it. The cost of your dignity comes in a higher price than the ring is worth.

Lastly, don’t put the badmouth on Kris and ask your friends and family to do the same. Chin up. Tight-lipped. Trash talking your ex is so common and it only throws gas on the tacky fire.

Sincerely,

Karen Cleveland

Questions, comments and conundrums are most welcome at www.twitter.com/schoolfinishing