Herstory

by Bea Wayne

Why We Should Care: Empress Theodora became one of the greatest rulers of the Byzantine Empire, despite growing up an orphaned peasant girl in Constantinople. She worked variously as a dancer, an actress and a wool spinner until her incredible beauty caught the eye of Justinian, the emperor’s nephew. The ottoman equivalent to Wallis Simpson, Theodora convinced Justinian to change the law that prohibited marriage across classes, and soon she and Justinian were crowned empress and emperor of the Byzantine Empire. More than a skilled social climber, Theodora was a highly intelligent and influential ruler, who instituted incredibly important reforms for women and children.

Three Reforms We Admire: Protection of women in divorce cases, the right of women to inherit property and keep their dowry, and legal protection from abusive husbands. Not until the twentieth century would women’s rights and their position in society be as protected and respected.

Style Best Described As: Gilded empress, but with sex appeal (she did seduce royalty, after all)

What High School Text Books Didn’t Say: When she worked as a dancer, Theodora made a name for herself with her portrayal of Leda and the Swan, where she stripped off her clothes and lay on her back while attendants scattered barley on her groin, after which geese picked up the barley with their bills.

How She’s Celebrated: She is celebrated as saint by the Orthodox Church every November 14th. So you could light some incense in commemoration of her pioneering feminism. Or, if you aren’t religious, you could try that geese stuff. Whatever suits your fancy.

Born 1546 – Died 1591

By Jen Houston 

Why We Should Care: Veronica Franco became one of Venice’s most revered courtesans after a failed teenage marriage left her with few options. As a courtesan, she was awarded privileges not extended to other females at the time, such as education. Respected by male nobility, Veronica became a renowned poet in Venice’s most elite thespian circles, having her own volumes published, and editing other authors’ works. She started a charity for courtesans and their children, and later tried unsuccessfully to obtain government assistance in opening a home for poor women. She was later tried for witchcraft during the inquisition, but the charges were acquitted, possibly due to pulled strings by her powerful confidants. 

Three Traits We Admire: Quick wit, sexual prowess, ability to avoid being hung for witchcraft. 

In Her Own Words: "When we too are armed and trained, we can convince men that we have hands, feet, and a heart like yours; and although we may be delicate and soft, some men who are delicate are also strong; and others, coarse and harsh, are cowards. Women have not yet realized this, for if they should decide to do so, they would be able to fight you until death; and to prove that I speak the truth, amongst so many women, I will be the first to act, setting an example for them to follow." 

Style Best Described As: The best money can buy plus what’s pleasing to the eye! Think Marie Antoinette meets Bettie Page. 

Hottest Hook-Up: Henry III, King of France (He was the lucky one!)

Why we should care: This lyric poet from the Greek Island of Lesbos was so damn good that Plato referred to her as the tenth muse. Take that Feist. Her verses wax poetic upon braiding the ladies of Lesbos’ hair with rosebuds, winding their necks with crocuses and dripping myrrh on their heads. Reading these lines, Victorian Englishmen concluded that, ah ha, the ageold mystery of what female homosexuals do is solved! Henceforth, lesbians have been named after Sappho’s fellow islanders.

For her biopic we’d cast: Leisha Hailey of The L Word

Two traits we admire:
1) Longevity: The woman lived over 2600 years ago and she’s still notorious. I’m lucky if someone remembers me from a party last weekend.
2) Etymological Fertility: not only has her fame given birth to the words lesbian and sapphic, but also to the website www.lesbos.com and the 1971 German horror film Vampiros Lesbos, a touching tale about a vampiress who seduces women to fill her insatiable appetite for female blood.

What high school textbooks didn’t say: That nectar mixed with ethereal perfection poured by a foam-born goddess might be a euphemism

Style best described as: Classical femme. Most depictions of her tend to involve gauzy togas and, oops, I can't imagine how my nipple got there, peekaboo moments.

How she’s celebrated: Pride Week! She puts the “L” in LGBTQ2

by Lizzie

Why we should care: Ever gone to the Bata Shoe Museum and felt queasy from the three inch long shoes worn by Chinese women with bound feet? Well back in the early 1900s Qiu Jin said no to size one shoes, left her aging hubbie, began a journal advocating for Chinese women’s rights and (as a school principal) trained a female army of revolutionaries against Manchu rule. Awesome, all my school principal did was ask me to tuck in my shirt.

For her biopic we’d cast: Jin Jing, the paralympic athlete who became a national hero after defending the Olympic torch from French free Tibet protesters.

Two traits we admire: 1) Secrecy: She helped run clandestine bomb making facilities, trained an underground army, and didn’t reveal her compatriots when tortured by the Imperial Army. I’m pretty sure Qiu Jin wouldn’t spill the beans if you told her about that unfortunate one night stand with the mailroom guy. 2) Lyricism: She didn’t just fight for the right, she fought for the right with poetic flare, describing the removal of her bound feet so: “Freeing my bound feet, I washed away the poison of a thousand years, and, with agitated heart, awakened the souls of all the flowers.”

What high school textbooks didn’t say: Um, everything? Female Chinese revolutionaries weren’t really given top priority in the Ontario high school curriculum.

Style best described as: A CK One ad circa 1905. Qiu Jin favoured Western style caps, bow ties and suits because she believed in Western style democracy. She would have blended in well with the sexually ambiguous Oscar Wilde set.

How she’s celebrated: The People’s Republic eats up the leftist heroism of Qiu Jin; stories and statues abound. A museum of her former residence is in Shaoxing and two movies have been released: Qiu Jin A Revolutionary (1983) and Qiu Jin: The Revolutionary Heroine (1953).

by Bea Wayne

Why We Should Care: Mae West was a gifted comic actor and the author of some of the best pick-up lines in history. After suffering years of poverty and even imprisonment due to strict censorship laws, she eventually became the second highest salaried person in American next to William Randolph Hurst. Before she began to write there were no available cinematic roles for a woman who drove men wild and enjoyed them in bed by the dozen and didn't want to marry and never suffered for any it. So she wrote them.

It's Better to be Looked over than Overlooked: Her style is best described as extravagant. Lace, plumes, jewels, towering picture hats and completely outrageous amounts of cleavage.

A Hard Man is Good to Find: She lived like the characters she created, sleeping with many different men under her famous mirrored ceiling. She never had a long-term relationship, and seemingly never felt particularly bad about it.

When She was Bad, She was Better: People mostly remember Mae West for her hugely popular 1930s movies, like Diamond Lil. However, she continued acting well into the 1970s. She made her final film Sextette at the age of eighty-three, which was about a torrid sexual affair between her character and a twenty six year old Timothy Dalton.

A Little Momentum to Remember Her By: To this day, she still beats Cher, Madonna or any other putative diva for the favored idol of drag queens. Also, any time anyone utters the line "is that a banana in your pocket or…", they are channeling Ms. Mary Jane West.

by Reta Robinson
Why we should care This Iron Lady of British politics was the first and only female prime minister of the land of tea and scones. As PM from 1979 – 1990, she lobbied for environmental issues, allied herself with the US in the cold war, and survived an IRA bombing in Brighton because she waited her turn for the loo. Talk of her tenure still incites controversy today. Her achievements put our Kim Campbell to shame.

For her biopic we’d cast a more serious Susan Sarandon

Two traits we admire Ruthlessness – She earned the nickname “Thatcher, Thatcher, Milk Snatcher” after she recalled the free milk programme in elementary schools. Pluckiness – She had the balls to preside over the old boys’ club of British politics and earned her other nickname, “Attila the Hen”.

What high school textbooks didn’t say Before she devoted her life to politics, she studied chemistry at Oxford, specializing in crystallography (which just sounds cool), and later worked for a company attempting to come up with new ways of keeping ice cream cold.

Style best described as Powersuit business chic with a twist of WASP. Never go anywhere without your brooch pinned to your lapel, a necklace and earrings (preferably pearls) and your hair perfectly coiffed.

How she’s celebrated She was made a life peer and sits in the House of Lords as Baroness Thatcher. She also earned the exclusive Order of the Garter, the UK’s highest order of chivalry.

(June 3, 1906 – April 12, 1975) 

by Bea Wayne
Why We Should Care:  This entertainer extraordinaire and American ex-patriot not only captivated audiences worldwide with her dancing, charisma and sensuality, she also used her art to combat segregation in the United States.  

Three Traits We Admire: Her promotion of diversity.  The original Angelina, she adopted twelve children from countries around the world, including Korea, Cote D’Ivoire, Venezuela and…Canada.

Her courage.  During WWII, she worked underground for the French Resistance.

Her love of animals.  At one time, she owned a snake, a goat, a parrot, parakeets, fish, three cats and seven dogs. Not to mention her most beloved pet, a cheetah named Chiquita who wore a diamond collar and performed in her act.  

Style Best Described As:  Potassium-chic.  She first gained fame for the “danse sauvage” she performed at the Folies-Bergere where her only clothing was a skirt consisting of sixteen bananas.      

What High School Text Books Didn’t Say:  After living in France, she insisted on speaking English in a French accent.  Once, a maid at a dinner party told her "honey, you is full of shit. Speak the way yo' mouth was born”.  She had the woman fired. 

How She’s Celebrated: The NAACP named May 20th Josephine Baker Day.  So think of May 20th as a day to celebrate the intersection of art and activism.  Or just perform your own “danse” wearing nothing but a string of bananas.  Pretend you can hear the deafening applause of thousands of appreciative French men.  Josephine would approve.      

For Her Biopic We’d Cast: There is already a biopic about her, but nobody plays Josephine Baker better than Josephine Baker, so check out La Sirène de Tropiques, Zouzou or Princesse Tam Tam for the real experience. 

Birth Unknown-Death 60 or 61AD

by Lizzie
Why We Should Care: This fiery queen of the Iceni went into primal defensive mother mode in 60 or 61 AD when her daughters were raped by Roman conquerors and disenfranchised of their rightful inheritance. She rallied the native kingdoms of Britain together to destroy Colchester and Londinium, massacring thousands along the route. Eventually, she was defeated at the Battle of Watling Street, but will forever be remembered as a defender of colonized peoples.

Three Traits We Admire: Mad charioteering skills, serious maternal instinct and fearlessness.

Style Best Described As: Bellicose Celtic Nobility Chic, this involves golden torc necklaces, broaches and flaming red hair.

What High School Textbooks Didn’t Say: When Boudica slaughtered noble Roman women it’s said that she’d impale them to spikes, cut off their breasts and sew them to their mouths. Also urban legends claim she’s buried under Platform 8, 9 or 10 at King’s Cross. Does her spirit ride on the Hogwart’s train departing from Platform 9 ¾? Only J.K. Rowling knows.

How She’s Celebrated: Listen in yoga, you’ll notice that Enya’s written a few songs about her. Queen Victoria identified with the powerful female leader, and so hubbie Prince Albert erected a statue in Boudica’s honour. Presumably, Indians, Irish, Bahamians, Lesothoans, Botswanians, Burmese, Egyptians and Ghanians (amongst others) disagreed with Victoria’s appropriation of this anti-colonial figure.

For Her Biopic We’d Cast: Jessi Cruickshank from The Hills Aftershow or Angelina Jolie with her hair dyed red.

August 30th 1797 – February 1st 1851

by Reta Robinson

WHY WE SHOULD CARE
This literary marvel and brain behind the Gothic novel Frankenstein was blessed with super genes. The only child of radical political philosopher William Godwin and infamous feminist Mary Wollstonecraft, Mary embraced her parents’ idees nouveau and ran off with one of her father’s followers, the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. Legend has it that she wooed the already-married Percy at her mother’s grave, the 17th century equivalent of having sex in your parents’ bed (tsk, tsk).

THREE TRAITS WE ADMIRE
Kinky, ballsy and adventurous—not only did she have a penchance for sexual freedom, she defied her parents and the norms of the day to shack up with her married man and travel to such far-away places as France, Switzerland and Italy (this was pre-Ryanair and Easyjet, remember) all while burdened with the dreaded womanly condition (read: knocked up).

STYLE BEST DESCRIBED AS
Avant-garde intellectual nerd with a side of free love— think hot girl with glasses in a lenscrafters ad holding a pencil to her lips with a “come hither” look.

WHAT HIGH SCHOOL TEXTBOOKS DIDN’T SAY
Our little home wrecker not only stole her man Percy away from his prego wife Harriet, she married him after Harriet’s body was found in the Serpentine Lake in Hyde Park, London after an apparent suicide.

HOW SHE’S CELEBRATED
Every Halloween when you don your “Frankenstein” costume (which you are dressing up as the monster of course and not Dr. Frankenstein) a bit of Mary Shelley lives.

FOR HER BIOPIC WE’D CAST
Saucy vixen Scarlett Johansson or sexy Harvard grad Natalie Portman