Before I get into this, I feel the need to stipulate that I love Christmas. I really do. I love wrapping presents, going to church, and cooking a full turkey dinner for my family. When it comes to Christmas, I say bring it on and throw some tinsel on it. But each year I’ve been noticing an unpleasant trend, a new Christmas “tradition” if you will, popping up all over Pinterest and Facebook. This trend is none other than the Elf on the Shelf.

If you don’t know what the Elf on the Shelf is, here’s the deal: basically, you buy one of these elves, give it a name, and tell your children that they absolutely can’t misbehave because the elf flies to the north pole each night to give Santa a full report on their behavior. The parents are responsible for moving the toy to a new location each night to prove that the elf is real. Or something.

As with all things that gain popularity through Pinterest, things started to get out of hand and soon parents were coming up with more and more elaborate elf scenarios. Instead of finding the elf on an actual shelf, as the name implies, little Johnny and Susie would now wake up to find that the elf had decided to make snow angels in a pile of sugar. Or look, there’s the elf eating the very last cookie out of the cookie jar. Isn’t that cute? No. No it isn’t.

I truly hate the Elf on the Shelf and there are a lot of reasons why. This might take a while so I suggest you pour yourself a mug of hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps and get real comfy. Here we go:

1. The Elf on the Shelf goes against everything we were ever taught about Santa Claus. The lyrics to Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town clearly state that Santa “sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good.” Now if Santa already has the ability to see what you’re doing (which was also clearly explained in the 1970 Rankin-Bass TV special of the same name), why does he need to send some smug elf down from the north pole to check on kids? It doesn’t make any sense!

2.  Can’t kids just believe in anything anymore?

3. Christmas is a wonderful time but it can also be incredibly stressful. December is a whirlwind of shopping, baking, parties, etc., and now suddenly Moms (you KNOW Dads aren’t doing this shit) are supposed to dream up some ridiculous scene for their elf to be found in each morning? What?! Sure, the elf sounded cute at first but now some poor Mom is up at 3 in the morning with a hot glue gun and popsicle sticks trying to make a miniature hot chocolate stand for the elf to stand in and serve hot chocolate out of? If you think parents aren’t feeling the pressure of Elf on the Shelf just check out these photos of “adorable” elf ideas a.k.a. photographic proof of parents continually trying to one-up each other.

4. Over the past few years I’ve seen more and more of these elves photographed in “naughty” situations: he wrote all over the bathroom mirror in shaving cream! He poured a bag of red and green M&Ms all over the kitchen counter! He drew all over the faces in our family portrait in black marker… what are these people trying to teach their children?? I do not understand the logic behind having this naughty elf watch your kids and report back to Santa. He can spend all night racing around the house in Barbie’s sports car but has the audacity to go back and snitch on some children? Not cool.

To the parents who think they need this elf because they want to start a holiday tradition, please know there are many other great family traditions you can take part in. Go caroling. Help serve lunch at a food bank or gather toys and clothes for people who are less fortunate. Let your kids help you decorate the tree and settle in for a family movie like… well, Elf. But please don’t give into this stupid “tradition.” There are a lot of fun things you can do at 3 in the morning but hiding a tattle-tale elf somewhere in your home isn’t one of them.