by Therese de Grace
The idea of serving the public as one’s chosen career is closer to being a prostitute than one might think; our income is dependent on the pleasure of others and even after a demoralizing ass screw we wake up the next day and try again to earn a living doing the same thing that made our butt sore the day before. 

Chefs in particular, do not choose their line of work for the benefits, huge amounts of money, vacation weeks etc.  They work like Sherpa’s to try to perform their craft for the sole purpose of pleasing other human beings, this could explain the plethora of colorful Sybil like cooks I have worked with over the course of my career.

In the restaurant world we refer to customers as, Peeps, Covers, and Rubes and for the super unpleasant “Day Passer.”  A Day passer for example is a customer that tries to steal the silverware, asks if there are free refills (do you see a human size dancing mouse anywhere asshole?), why wine isn’t included in the overall charge, snaps their fingers at the wait staff when they want attention and changes the menu with a myriad of modifications that render a once well thought out culinary masterpieces into a Jenga tower of f*%ing flavors that is no longer recognizable to the creator.  You see, you can’t really blame them, they were given this pass by their case worker and they weren’t really ready to be in public interacting with other humans.  They are also oblivious to the basic manners and modes present in society from all the time living under a rock in the depths of Mordor. 

One of the craziest but most pleasant Rube’s that will sticks with me forever is named Gabby, she was a regular and her saving grace was that she tipped well and was sweet about her obvious neurosis.  She would in detail describe a salad she wanted prepared, particular slices, choice of tomato size and I made her this same dish every week for about two years.  Out of curiosity one day I tried her crazy bowl and much to my surprise it was awesome, I polished it up and put it on the menu in her honor…she immediately started to order a new bowl of crazy.  Her original salad creation is the receipe below, I changed it a little bit and feel free to let your freak flag fly while eating it. 

Rube Salad 

You will require the following ingredients:

For the Salad:

2 cups of baby arugula
1 cup of romaine hearts cut into threads
3 tablespoons of raw flax seeds
1 cup of small grape tomatoes cut in half
1/3 of a cup of finely shredded carrot
3 tablespoons of raisins
½ a cup of sprouts
½ a cup of orange segments
½ a cup of shredded cooked smoked chicken
2 spring onions cut on a bias

*Put into a bowl* 

For The Dressing

You will require the following ingredients:

1/3 of a cup of warm goat’s cheese
¼ cup of balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard
¼ of a cup of olive oil

*Blend until creamy* 

Method:

Pour your mixed dressing over top of your salad and toss well, serve immediately. 

Chef’s Tip:  This salad is more of a meal than a starter, serve it with crusty bread and in a pasta bowl.