Dear MJ,

I’ve been ‘friends’ with this guy who lives in LA (I live in NY) for about 3 years. We work for the same company and have flirted pretty harmlessly over email on and off over the last 2 years even though I had a boyfriend and he’s been dating various girls. He’s always maintained that he was crazy about me and wished I were single. Well, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and was in LA for a week, although our timing being what it is, he started dating a girl about 6 months ago and has gotten sort of serious with her. While I was in town we were texting non-stop and we ended up having this insane make out in his elevator but couldn’t take it any further because his roommate (who happens to be friends with the girlfriend) came home. We planned on meeting again to shag before I left but suddenly he became too ‘busy’ and basically began treating me like a work colleague and acting as though nothing even happened. I’m confused and feel very insecure all of a sudden- is he feeling guilty, does he not like me anymore or is he just a jerk?

Signed,

Not sure in NY

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Dear Not Sure,

I’d say he’s just a jerk.

Let me get this straight: the guy pursued you for 2 years knowing you had a boyfriend- we’ll let you off the hook for flirting back as you’re human and the relationship ended anyway so we can assume it wasn’t perfect… 😉 then jumped at the chance to fool around with you the minute you became single despite having a girlfriend of his own and hasn’t bothered with you since? 

Do you actually like this guy? For your sake, I certainly hope not. But let’s assume you must otherwise you wouldn’t be seeking advice…

The way I see it, you basically have 3 options at this point. Take a gander and tell me which one suits you best (assuming you’d like to remain sane and healthy for at least the immediate future):

  1. He dumps the girlfriend he just cheated on and starts dating you. You either assume the 2 of you are meant to be and that he’ll be trustworthy and not run around on you the way he did with all the others he’s been dating for as long as you’ve known him. Or, you spend the next however long fretting over the fear that he’s probably screwing around on you too. Note: I’d load up on the Trojans if you select this option.
  2. They stay together and you, (and possibly countless other unsuspecting girls) get to be his on the side whenever he’s feeling the need to flirt and fuck around. *See above note regarding Trojans.
  3. You move on and find yourself a nice, NEW rebound guy to have some fun with until you’re ready for a brand-new-cares-about-you boyfriend to call your own.

 

I don’t have to tell you which one gets my vote! 

Perhaps he got a bit spooked by the roommate coming home as it gave him a glimpse at the reality of getting caught. And maybe it forced him to take a look at said unsuspecting girlfriend and consider what would happen if she found out. The guy doesn’t seem to have much of a conscience if you ask me, but stranger things have happened. Maybe he’s just one of those guys who likes the thrill of the chase- and now that he’s had you and you’re single, it’s just not so exciting.

We could speculate over this until the end of time and will probably never know the actual answer. Therefore my advice to you, dear friend, is to stop letting a letch such as this (or anybody for that matter) lower your self-esteem. This guy is NOT worth your time, I promise. 

Sadly, there appears to be no shortage of lying cheating boyfriends out in the world these days. So I ask you: why take somebody else’s when you could just as easily go out there and find one of your own? 

Yours in love,

MJ