Sexting feels strange to me. Whenever I have an opportunity to text something dirty, I hesitate. I rephrase, I add commas, maybe an ellipsis, then instead of saying what I want to say, I backspace, restart, backspace, then get flustered, because he can probably see that I’m typing. “What are you typing right now?” he says, to which I reply, “Actually, I’m texting you a pre-cursor script to the amateur seven-hour porn pilot we’re filming tonight.” Kidding. I usually send a bunch of random emojis to divert the fact I’ve spent the last five minutes finding the right words to say, “Let’s have sex tonight!” without texting, “let’s have sex tonight!” Confusing, right?
To remedy this, I have developed a hard and fast guide to sexting. It’s half style-sheet, with a little risk-taking and a strong call-to-action (I work in PR). It will move you from a boring text message to a bedroom filled with melting ice cream, Marvin Gaye and a sparkling leather whip.
Sexting is an art form, not a movie script. Before you send a detailed to-do list, trace your steps from A (your iPhone) to Z (their crotch). You don’t really have to mention the dirty white sport socks you’re going to aggressively tug off, or that you’re going to say “Well that was a mouthful!” after oral sex . Keep it short, be explicit.
Two Superb Sext Examples: Example A – “Let’s fuck.” Example B -“I want you to lick my dripping wet pussy like two-scoop rainbow ice cream from The Big Scoop.” Example A is forward, a little daring. Example B is great because there’s ice cream involved, and who doesn’t love a good old Toronto institution sext shout out?
Pick Your Words Carefully: Vagina or Pussy? Let me tell you, if there was ever a girl to dirty talk out-loud, that girl is NOT me. I giggle when I orgasm, and if I said “pussy” I would LOL. That said, I really think “pussy” should be used at all times when sexting. “Vagina” is your stepmother’s insole and you should avoid texting this term at all costs. Ultimately, pussy sounds more seductive than Vagina. And the point of sexting is to send dirty messages you might not be able to say out loud with a straight face.
Timing is everything: If you start sexting someone, and there’s a good rhythm, keep up the pace. But remember that auto-correct is sexting’s worst nightmare. The last thing you want is your auto-correct to change “fuck” to “duck.” This has happened to me on more than one occasion, and I made it even worse by following up with a correction text. It’s like your grandmother is secretly proofreading your sexy texts, fumbling your words with safer, less fuckable suggestions. Proofread, ladies.
In summary: Keep it explicit, choose your words carefully and don’t let auto-correct salt your game. And if you can add a few Toronto shout-outs, go for it. I personally like to text Drake lyrics to make my sexts more flavorful with a bit of added drizzle sauce. You get what I’m saying. So get out there, and start sexting!