This is the most reluctant body-politics piece I have ever written, ever. I’m kind of over the whole body politics issue. Like, fuck. I have a body, you have a body. We all have effin’ bodies and they are all different, like snowflakes: individual, magical, melty, whatever. My butt has dimples okay? Some call it cellulite, I call it intrigue. I get acne sometimes. Like, on my back. It sucks, but what do you want from me? My arms will always be flabby. It’s okay.

I was going to preface this list of Ten Reasons Why I Love Being Naked by acknowledging my body privilege but then I realized, OH WAIT, I used to be anorexic. While the outside world may see me as skinny or fit or pleasantly plump, I am not exempt from fat-shaming and body politics. I remember waking up every day wishing to be skinny or dead. I remember not eating for months. But now, I’m 25, I eat well, (sometimes, rarely) work out and I still love being naked.

When I get home, the only thing I can think to do is strip down to my skivvies. It’s not totally glamourous, but it feels damn good. It’s like vacationing on a cold island called My Air Conditioned Condo, where nudists are welcomed to venture—but it’s just me and a couple of mirrors and windows. Here’s what I lurve about strutting my naked lady lumps.

  1. Catching glimpses of myself in the mirror or in the reflection of the window, cellulite, acne and all. It gives me a chance to remind myself of my good bone structure (hi Mom!).
  2. Clothes sometimes restrict the gelatinous nature of my butt, which I prefer to let run free. Like, I’m no Miley Cyrus, Twerking Expert M.D (because I heard that’s her official job title now), but my butt knows a dance or two and it don’t need my help or my permission.
  3. It’s kinda like practice makes perfect: the more I practice being naked, the more comfortable I get with it. That way, when I am without clothing in front of others (plural because I’m kind of a slut…hi again, Mom!), it seems less daunting, maybe even slightly natural, and all awesome.
  4. You haven’t lived until you’ve cooked naked. Just make sure you’re not using oil or something that will splatter your breastesses. Basically, order a pizza.
  5. Taking my bra off after a hard day of wearing it is the best feeling ever.
  6. A cold bedroom, where my bed has been thawing out in my AC for the duration of my departure, feels EFFING AWESOME on my bare skin. I could climb into the womb of duvets for an eternity.
  7. Updates on the status of my undies: ripped, looking old. Sometimes this is motivation for a little house cleaning, like, going through my closet and seeing if I need to talk to my gal Victoria and hear all her secrets.
  8. So what if I watch old episodes of TMZ while naked on my couch? It just feels right.
  9. It eradicates one more step between me and a hot bath. Because, I am trying to do as little amount of work as possible. Being naked just seems to be in line with the way I live my life.
  10. It’s awesome, okay?

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