You’re a grown-ass woman, so if you will just excuse me being a lil dumb baby for a second: WHEEEEEEEYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY
Cool, thank you. My partner and I just moved in together and it really is just the best. Yesterday I tried to explain to him how it is like “a cool sleepover but forever” and he was not totally on board but I think this is due to boys not being given the freedom to sleepover in the same perfect way (shares, emotions, backrubs) that girls do, because if I am being honest with myself it is a 100% accurate comparison, plus sex. One day he will let me braid his hair and we’ll really have made it.
Yep, it’s a real dream world guys, I feel like a fun adult and also a happy kid… and then once a day every day for the past week, we have a lengthy and charged argument about how he brought six guitars with him into my home and that 6 is, in my 100% accurate opinion, between 3 and 5 too many guitars. So, peaks and troughs. Here is the grown-ass woman’s guide to moving in with your significant other.
So, as a start, there will be too many guitars.
It might not be guitars (although if you are dealing with a straight man who is at all into vinyl or used to be in a band, it will most likely be guitars), but there will definitely be something that moves in with your partner that will make you think “no.” Immediately. You’ll be all “Cool cool, thanks for the kitchen stuff, now everything else you own goes in a box to left, and then to the curb, thank you but we do not need this garbage.” The important thing to remember here is that a) you are building a shared life together, not inserting another full person into your own life, and b) there is something you have that they would also like to shove into that metaphorical box to the left. For now, there are 2 guitars in the office, 4 stored in a closet, and like, four million weird things I bought in Chinatown strewn all over the place. A fair deal.
Secondly, it will be very tempting to just stay in your bed all day long.
Whether you have a flexible job or this only applies on the weekend, waking up with your Sex Roommate already in your bed makes it reaaaal tough to get out of there within a reasonable timeframe. While a certain amount of nesting is part of the process of moving in, don’t forget to get out and do things in the world. See friends, buy groceries, do your job. This is a nest, not a prison.
Don’t let the mess = stress
I get real antsy around clutter. It’s not great. But a bit of a mess is a reasonable part of any move. Don’t let the fact that not all the stuff is yours make it feel like this mess isn’t totally natural. It is! And as the two of you de-clutter, your new home will emerge, like a kitschy discount phoenix you purchased at West Elm on mega sale.
You will be tempted to spend all of your income on new things for your home. Resist.
You’re saving so much money on rent now! You just moved and this place feels like a palace! The Dude was right, a rug would really tie this room together… No. Stop. This is the kind of thinking that can lead two cash-poor millennials (and their credit cards) to a late-night IKEA binge and a world of sectionals, coffee tables, and “wall hangings” that they absolutely cannot afford. A nice alternative to this is to spend a Saturday afternoon perusing your local secondhand shops and garage sales—online shopping makes it too easy to drop hundreds of bucks on stuff you don’t need, and yard sales or local shops are a great way to come across unique additions to your home that won’t break the bank. As a bonus, double-carrying a bookshelf twelve blocks in the hot August sun is a cheaper-than-therapy fast track to airing any grievances you have ever had with each other. Great!
Eat something other than pizza, for once in your goddamn life.
Moving is time consuming and sweaty and stressful, and pizza is delicious. I get it. But take it from me, the combo of heavy lifting, heavy smooching, and macking hard on plain cheesers at 1am will really take a toll on your skin and your well-being. Take some You Time and go for a long walk/grocery shop combo, then whip up a healthy salad. You’ll both be better off for it.
There are a ton of unexpected delights, and weird little things you’re just going to have to get used to.
All of a sudden, I’m super into cleaning the house. My man and I spent a Saturday night arranging the living room and kitchen and it was, truly, so much fun. Less fun? Finding out that I am the kind of person who leaves the cap off toothpaste. I’d never noticed, but it slowly and stealthily driving my boyfriend crazy, which is fine, because he has a real no-holds barred approach to leaving clothes on the bedroom floor. Learning about your partner’s pet peeves and tactfully discussing your own has so far been a helpful and not overly uncomfortable part of the moving in process, but obviously the “it is fun to fix a toilet when there is someone else there” discoveries have been more enjoyable. Speaking of toilets:
You thought you knew how much you both farted, but you were wrong.
Nothing you can do about it. Just Lean In.
Follow Monica on Twitter: @monicaheisey