When I first started using the Naväge nose-cleaning machine, my nostrils were flaring with rage. I had an extended family of boogers, bacteria and dust that kept me itching, scratching and sneezing on people (esp. on the streetcar). Between summertime sniffles, city smog, TGIF chain smoking and picnics in Christie Pits, my nose always felt like it was one sneeze away from falling off forever. Ravaged by grass, moulds and ragweed, I felt defeated in a summertime sadness of nasal congestion like Lana Del Ray complaining in that music video.

That’s when this nose-cleaning machine intervened in my life and I experienced a miraculous phenomenon that made me understand why people in America fall in love with inanimate objects. It took my heavy breath away and gave me a weightless feeling of all-star nasal hygiene. Something many people take for granted in Toronto.

Unlike the clunky Neti Pots from 1995, this nose-cleaning machine is battery powered like a boss. The other Neti Pots have manuals that make me want to read Lord of the Rings backwards, but this manual was easy to read with pictures and diagrams. I love how modern and portable it is. It’s sexy, light-weight and state-of-the-art.

Not to brag, but my Naväge nose-cleaning machine has nose pillows, patented SaltPods® and a full-system rinse (it’s basically the Beyoncé of nose-cleaning machines). With a powerful flush, the saline liquid revived my respiratory system like a sensory awakening (booger exorcism!). The nose vacuum felt just right, with a gentle suction that kept me grounded while I face timed into snot-free euphoria. Did I mention I can bring it everywhere too? Using my nose-cleaning machine isn’t restricted to the privacy of bathrooms – I can use it in the park, in the living room, on dates and social gatherings (as long as I have warm water). So trill.

It’s funny tho. You would think that my intimate nose-cleaning experience would be a private thing, but it’s not like that. I want to show it off and bring it to parties because it’s so clean and easy to use. I want to brag about it and tell every woman about it on She Does the City. It just feels right, you know? PDA with a nose-cleaning machine is totally cool these days. I’m pushing boundaries. Breathing new life into experiences with my nose cleaner extraordinaire. I’m embracing summer in the city with a new sense of fearless aromatic gusto. Now I can smell the flowers on Dovercourt, the sizzling street meat in Korea Town and the fish tacos in Kensington. The city is romantic again, with the sweltering smells of sunscreen, freshly cut grass and scented oils to paint my memory with clarity. I’m a new woman, and it’s all because of this Naväge nose-cleaning machine. #Blessed

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m really thankful I tried it. It’s only been a few days since I started using it, and I’m 99% sure I can smell pizza from a 12 mile radius. My nostrils have officially been resurrected from the ashes of cheap cigarettes, stale air conditioning and park dust. I know this probably isn’t the normal type of relationship a woman has with her nose-cleaning machine, but that’s fine. Naväge granted me the miracle of nasal irrigation, and I’ll forever be grateful for that.

As much as I love to tell everyone about my nose-cleaning machine, I’m really not cool with sharing it. So I suggest you invest in your own before things get weird: www.navage.ca