by Karen Cleveland

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…
Kidding…

There’s something to be said for the old-school conventions of how to formally (or informally) address someone. When a child calls me ma’am, I think “cute”! When a pimple-y teenage does, I think “gasp! you bitch!”.

The meaning of a title or term of endearment changes monumentally, depending on where it’s coming from. Example: when my friends address me as “girl”, it’s fine and cozy. If a colleague were to call me “girl”, particularly one that I’m not chummy or work closely with, I might feel spoken down to. When my mom calls me “young lady” I still cringe, as if scolded when I was little. “Young lady” from a good looking older gentleman, however? Perfectly charming, in a playful, cheeky way.

When in doubt, a safe bet (particularly in written form) is Ms.

Or if you’re still unsure, err on the side of caution and simply ask how someone prefers to be addresses (and hold back on calling them “girl” or “ma’am” in the process).