Whether you like it or not – we are just 30 days away from hosting the 2010 Olympic Winter Games. Unless you’re my mother, the Vancouver’s general attitude towards the games has been pretty apathetic (my mum for the record, ran out to buy Olympic mittens for the whole family). Alas, on February 12th, in the blink of an eye – our city of glass will be in shimmering in the world’s spotlight. 

Regardless if you plan to stalk the athletes at Olympics Village, hide under you bed for the full two weeks, or host a slew of Olympic crashers at your place. You may want to prepare (even a tad) for the 5 ring circus that is rolling into town. 

Spruce up your joint. Everyone I know is expecting a couch-surfer or two; be it long lost facebook friends who finally plan to appear in the flesh, distant cousins who you last saw when you were five, the Brazilian couple you threesomed with and never imagined you’d see again… 

Give them some spirit to sip on first thing in the AM – better than Olympic branding are classy pantone mugs $16 each, available at Vancouver Special. Your designer friends will be impressed with your leading authority on color. Beans from 49th Parallel Coffee Roasters will definitely give your guest the perfect ‘get up and go’ (No seriously – can you leave now so I can go to work?)

Vancity’s damp cold does not discriminate – be sure to have enough blankets on hand. Your old mystery-stained sleeping bag from summer camp won’t do anymore – but wrapping oversea guests with a wooly Hudson Bay vintage blanket will make them feel extra special they are in Canada. To avoid the masses at The Bay grabbing at Quatchi the Sasquatch- get a lookalike blankie at Mr. Lee’s General Store and Haberdashery (also, a good place to suggest to your gentleman guest who may have forgotten to pack their mustache wax or shaving kits).;

Stock your fridge. After your days rooting for your country, or cussing out all of the extra pedestrian traffic on your route home, you may need a drink to play hostess. Brewery Creek has a wide range of local and imported beer and wine so there is something for everyone, be it Golden Drak or Brooklyn Lager. My favorite is also available, wine from Kettle Valley, a teeny tiny small-farm winery in Naramata, BC.  

While you and your friends are crowded around the tube watching svelte figure-skaters doing triple axles and death-drop spins. Celebrate their success with your gluttony. Les Amis De Fromage can surly supply for those who love to feast on savory meats and cheeses, or for the sugar-toothed folk, chocolate covered Belgian waffles from Patisserie Lebeau should do – they are coated in chocolate (whatever your shade) and have gem-like kernels of sugar baked right inside of them.  

Lotus-land lifestyle. You may smoke a pack every time you get drunk, but the Olympics may be a good time to start emulating some of that healthy-eco-conscious Vancouverite spirit. Go for a workout and a steam at the brand spanking new Mount Pleasant Community Centre. Just down the way from Olympic Village, so you can strut it in front of all of those obese American tourists (or simply work off the waffles). Both drop-in and monthly passes are available, and memberships are good for ALL Vancouver community centers. Working out is a great excuse to stay away from all of the madness. 

If you reeeeeally wanna get the fuck outta town – take a trip down to Seattle during the games. You can stock up on Trader Joe goodies, dine on Peroshki’s in the market, and forget about all of the hoopla that will be going on North of the border. Roundtrip fares on the Quick Shuttle are $74 for Adults and $54.00 for students.  

If you can’t peace out entirely – figure out your most peaceful way to at least move from point A to B – or escape – you  can see what to expect traffic and transport wise at http://olympichostcity.vancouver.ca/gettingaround/whattoexpect.htm . 

Bone up. Do you want to impress your friends with your vast Olympic knowledge? Have this hiding underneath a couch cushion, The Complete Book of the Winter Olympics: Vancouver Edition – Winter 2010 by David Wallechinsky (&28.95, Greystone Books).  

Well –  that’s all I have to offer, other then a couch that has not yet been shot gunned. Holla at me if you need a spot – I’ll be ready for ya.  

Otherwise… Let the games begin! …er… uhhhh.. I guess?!