Weekend Ideas

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Exquisite beauty.

The latest craze, better than sex.

Carousel on speed.

Those prizes are ridiculous. As a mother, I’d be angry.

If only I had the balls to get a real tattoo.

Maniacally jumping on a tramp for babies.

The deadly funnel cake.

Up close it looks like a CSI experiment, or alternatively poutine with all the drippings. BLECH.

YAY – I paid five dollars to play a game and won this fifty cent teddy bear that I will love forever.

These boys are hard

Kensington – c’est chill.

THE FLANAGAN LOOK

In Toronto, there’s no time to dawdle in the collectors. FAST, SPEED, GO, MOVE IT, MOVE IT ON UP!

The last time I ventured to Canada’s Wonderland, I was towing around half a dozen toddlers; possibly the most stressful day trip ever. Things got really fun when one of them decided to hide in Hanna Barbera land and I just about threw up a lung trying to find her, while pulling the other five crying and hungry kidlets. After alerting half the park and considering committing suicide off of Victoria Falls, I finally found her hiding under a slide in baby land. She smirked and said “You found me.” Nearly in tears, I sternly explained that it wasn’t funny to do that. OYE.

Prior to that tranquil experience, it was a Bat mitzvah at age 13 when I was last romping around the park. Who was going to ride with what boy? Which one of us had breasts? Did Sally actually get her period on the Vortex? Why didn’t I wear my cool Beaver Canoe shirt like her? Teen times at CW were a tricky maneuvering of classroom political power.

So what’s it like to return with a crew full of adults hovering around 30? Let’s just put it this way; I rode the swings four times in a row singing to the conductor’s “IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS”…alongside gleeful seven year olds. The only thought in my head was which ride to go on next and when do I get to sticky my face up with cotton candy? Pure nostalgic bliss.

Scanning the tweens in line, I couldn’t help but feel that nothing has changed since the 80’s and 90’s. Three girls excitedly told me how soaked I’d get on the Rip Tide, teenage boys were exaggerating how fast and awesome rides were, trying to one up each other with boasts of fearlessness; “YO dude, I was like going a million miles and hour, it was sick, you and Brendan were slower because I was in the like last car and it totally fucking bumped every time….” Shut up.

I was distressed that there were no characters roaming around; I had my heart set on hamming it up with Goofy. Instead, Disney characters were replaced with blaring Nickelback and Starbucks.

Everyone’s been talking about the BEHEMOTH, Wonderland’s latest addition. It did live up to the hype, going for over three minutes you might just be able to re-enact that scene from FEAR, if you are quick on the draw.

Take a trip north to Vaughn and be a kid again while playing harmless hooky from the office, and reserve your weekend for this shizack:

THURSDAY

TEMPTATION THURSDAYS

As always, Shedoesthecity and friends will be gathering in the Drake Lounge for after work SKYY Vodka cocktails and sweet soul. Compliment your drinks with some oysters and charcuterie. 7PM onwards.
thedrakehotel.ca/culture/temptation

KING KHAN AND THE SHRINES

Criminally underrated garage & soul purveyors, Montreal and Berlin based King Khan and The Shrines are sure to stir up the dance floor with some crazy antics.

Doors 8:30PM, Show 10:30 PM, Advance tix are sold out, so arrive early for $12 at the door; expect an action packed audience

The Legendary Horseshoe Tavern
370 Queen West
myspace.com/kingkhantheshrines

FRIDAY

JUST FOR LAUGHS – Free concert with Newfie fave and 22 Minutes sweaty reporter Shaun Majumder

Yonge and Dundas Square – WestJet Stage
7:30 PM

$100 @ Horseshoe

The hottest new underground band in Toronto, country duo-turned-sextet, $100 release their much anticipated Rick White produced full-length. Also performing will be Rick White (Eric’s Trip, Elevator) and Doug Paisley with a cast of Toronto’s best guesting on the $100 set…

The Legendary Horseshoe Tavern
Doors at 9 pm – 8 bucks at the door
370 Queen West

BOYLESQUE @ GLADSTONE

Thursday’s show is sold out, but do not fret…Toronto’s first boy burlesque troupe will be tearing it up and taking it off again on Friday at the Gladstone.

Tix? Info? http://www.boylesqueto.com/
$15 – and worth every penny.
Gladstone Hotel
1214 Queen West

All Wronged Up @ The Ossington

Looking for something chill to do with your 27 plus friends? Newest drink hole on the strip, The Ossington, is the ideal place to gather up a table full of your besties and get trashed. Also a hot spot for gazing at some nice looking males with just enough scruff to deem them ‘badass.’.

61 Ossington
Post Punk, Disco, or whatever
No cover
10PM – 2:30

Shit La Merde

Head to Sneaky Dee’s if you want to dance, dance dance to sweet party jams and French touch. If you are lucky, you may get passed as complimentary pastel cap or mix tape (the ultimate retro cool right now). Nothing says wasted like ordering up a plate of Nacho’s after drinking ’50 all night with your sideways pastel cap

10-11 – no cover, after $5
431 College Street

SATURDAY

Daytime music/gallery fest:

Somewhere There Presents:
MUSIC(in)GALLERIES – Saturday 26 July, 1-5pm
Live Creative Music in Twenty Queen Street West Art Galleries

For the third year in a row, MUSIC(in)GALLERIES will transform the Queen Street West art gallery district into a walking tour of Toronto’s vibrant scene of creative improvised music.  At no cost to the public, small groups of musicians will enliven the distinct acoustic spaces of twenty gallery spaces between Trinity Bellwoods Park and Gladstone Avenue with short sets of live music

Banjo, bass, sax, synthesizer, harpsichord; discover a new sound and sight as you stroll down Queen with your lazy Saturday latte.

More info: www.somewherethere.org

Either/Orchestra with Mulatu Astatke

The Father of Ethio-Jazz plays another awesome FREE SHOW at Harbourfront this Saturday at 9:30. You might say he’s Ethiopia’s Duke Ellington, and you might have heard his music in Jim Jarmusch’s Broken Flowers.

9:30 PM — FREE
http://www.myspace.com/mulatuastatke

SUNDAY

PS Kensington

Grab your bike, your camera and your friends to spend  a summer day putzing around Kensington sliding your fingers through racks of vintage clothes, tasting cheeses, popping cherries and running into people you used to sleep with only to discuss how lovely Kensington is.

HOUR OF POWER @ The Rivoli

Sunday is for laughing, not for dreading. Get out of your slump and let Sara Heenessey and Nick Flanagan make you forget about the enormous Monday to-do list. Dark and daring stand up.

Rivoli – 322 Queen St. West
5 buck cheapass.

IMPORTANT UPCOMING DATES

Tuesday July 29 – Fastlane: Summer Social Patio Party @ The Spoke Club

Feeling like you need to keep up with the Joneses? This is where they’ll be! Join like-minded young professionals for some laid back networking and hob knobbing on Toronto’s best patio

Tix are $25 in advance (complimentary beverage, apps and gift bag) OR if you are slow for fastlane – can be purchased at door for $30
6:00 – 9:30

600 King West – take the secret elevator to the fourth floor
More info? Tix?: FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE
Check out the good life: http://www.thespokeclub.com/

Wednesday July 30th, Shedoesthecity presents SHIP DISTURBERS: A READING SERIES ABOUT YOUNG WOMEN WHO AREN’T AFRAID TO ROCK THE BOAT

Globe and Mail Style Editor, Sheree-Lee Olson and Globe and Mail Life Columnist, Claudia Dey will be reading from their respective novels, SAILOR GIRL and STUNT

Kick back at the Cameron House with some after work wine and be inspired by seriously strong protagonists.

Doors 6:30 PM, Readings Commence at 7PM
To reserve a spot, RSVP haley@shedoesthecity.com
Check out our reviews: www.shedoesthecity.com/arts
Cameron House – 408 Queen West