Nothing ruins a night out quite like a creep. You know the type: bad pick-up lines, unwelcome touching, general awkwardness/incoherence. We’ve all encountered them at some point and after experiencing three separate incidents involving them in the past week, I’m seriously dreading ever going out again for fear of being creeped on.

Some people are creeps by nature but I’m pretty sure that the majority I’ve encountered are just drunk guys behaving like creeps. Which is so much worse. I’m sure they’re fine upstanding young men under different circumstances but give them a few beers and a shot of whiskey and suddenly, you find yourself reciting the lines from a TLC song: “I don’t want your number (no); I don’t want to give you mine and (no); I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no); I don’t want none of your time (no).”

My first encounter of the week involved a guy complimenting my perfume and asking what scent it was. Innocent enough. I tell him and he asks me to smell his neck and tell him what cologne I think he’s wearing. I tell him that I don’t know and he says, “Me neither” with a wink. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Did he really think that I’d be dying to go home with him in hopes of finding out what cologne he uses? First of all, guys, please don’t ever use this line (if you can even call it that) on a girl. And if you’re going to compliment us, don’t then direct the compliment back to yourself. If we’re at all interested, we’ll let you know.

My second encounter involved a guy inviting me to follow him and his friend to another area of the bar to dance. Again, innocent enough, but I shook my head because a) I have a boyfriend and b) I was already having a great time dancing with my friends. About 10 minutes later, he walks up and starts pointing at me while whispering something in his friend’s ear. Not wanting to deal with whatever this was, I had my friend inform them that they should probably move along. The guy then asks me if that was my boyfriend and when I tell him, “No, but I do have a boyfriend,” he proceeds to make out with a girl within elbow distance in what I’m assuming was an attempt to make me jealous. The thing is, the girl he was making out with and aggressively pulling the hair of (?!) was very wasted and so I was very much concerned for her. Guys: if we tell you that we aren’t interested, respect that and move on. Like, literally move on to another area of the bar. Also, don’t take advantage of too-drunk girls. Just don’t.

My third encounter was probably with an actual creep, but there’s still some valuable lessons there. I received a call on Monday at 8 a.m. from a guy who had been given a number by a girl he met on the weekend. Turns out, the girl had given him a fake number that turned out to be mine (lucky me). The conversation should have been him asking for the girl, me telling him he had the wrong number, and him hanging up. Instead, the phone call lasted five minutes because he refused to believe that I wasn’t this girl. At one point, he even asked if I lived on a particular street because that’s where this girl told him she lived. Still, the weirdest part of this phone call was the fact that he was calling her at 8 a.m. on a Monday.

That evening, I receive a text from the same guy that says, “Hi.” I inform him right away that, again, he has the wrong number. He then tells me he wishes it was the “rite #” [sic] and when I don’t reply, apologizes and says goodbye. A few minutes later, he tells me that I “did sound pretty sweet on the phone” and then proceeds to ask me out for a drink. I tell him that I have a boyfriend and I’ll have to pass, to which he says, “I was just saying, yes or no. If it’s no we just going leave it like this I won’t text or call back ok” [sic]. Apparently, this guy thought it was fate that he was given my number as a fake by some girl who obviously wasn’t interested in him and refused to believe that I also wasn’t interested. So, yeah, don’t ever assume that you can sway a girl you don’t know into suddenly liking you and please don’t ever be this guy.

If you’re a fellow who likes to hit the town, please know that creeps are not bad boys and being a creep is not being suave. If you can’t drink and flirt properly, don’t. You will have a far better chance at picking up/getting a date with/dancing with a girl if you skip the cheesy pick up lines and keep your hands off until they’re welcomed. A guy playing hard to get is always sexier than a guy trying too hard and chances are, if you’re trying too hard, you’ve entered the creep zone.