by Olga Barksky
Dane Cook’s ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES COMEDY TOUR is best described as AMERICAN PIE style stand-up laced with the f-bomb. In the spirit of Dane’s comedy, it’s appropriate to say that this first stop of his tour can only be described as a cluster-fuck of hormonally raging teenagers, their dads, and a boatload of gorgeous girls.
After a 5 minute video montage of his fans, we are rewarded with Dane’s presence. He makes his way through the lively crowd and jumps on a round stage with nothing but a stool. He looks a little sloppy, with a pair of loosely fitting jeans and a shabby grey t-shirt. With a nearly sold out tour one would think he can afford clean clothes, but then again it’s probably part of the act.
He gets right into his routine and makes great use of the stage, jumping around, crawling, and giving ‘er in the physical comedy realm. His delivery is great, and sound effects, which he uses to embellish most of his stories are probably the best part – be it a machine gun or slurping during oral sex.
His show is predominantly phallocentric, and when the topic of conversation is not his dick, its video games, war, and shootouts. The boys love his shtick, but it’s clear that Dane Cook has just as many female fans. One of the best moments of the show was when he was talking about his dream girl. The jail bait portion of the audience went wild. To this Dane replied – “that’s a lot of women of my dreams…but I can’t have sex with all of you or I’d get rugburn.”
He’s funny but he’s not that funny. It took me a while to figure out what the big draw is with this guy. And then I uncovered Dane Cook’s X-factor. He’s totally the smartass actor you kinda had a crush on all through university. You slept with him after a pub night and he never called you back. Maybe your vagina wasn’t up to par with his preferences, as he made his distaste clear for anything that resembles a “box of cow tongues” or “highschool curtains.” Perhaps that’s why things didn’t work between him and Jessica Simpson.
All in all, Dane Cook isn’t so much a comic genius as an average guy who’s made a career of putting a witty spin on the truth and selling it to his legion of MySpace “friends.” He’s certainly entertaining, and he’s not bad to look at, but are the floor seats to his show really worth $130? That’s highly debatable.
Memorable Dane Cook One-liners:
“I don’t like sepia, it makes me feel creepy.”
- on old war pics
“I could never truly go to war, I don’t like backpacks…they’re just not conducive to fighting.”
“I involved my unborn child’s life in an ice-cream debacle.”
“There are two Oprahs. There’s the poodle-like Oprah who’s like – everybody gets a school! And there’s the lesbian warden (or Queen Latifah, same thing) Oprah whose all about – pedophiles, you could be a pedophile, you probably are one.”
“Have you ever seen a mannequin that you want to fuck? Something about this mannequin spoke to my penis.”
“We try to sneak in, glide around the outside of your vagina. And you’re like – silly weasel, who dares cross the portal of my vajay-jay.” - illustrating differences between the sexes.
“Slow’n’easy mac’n’cheesy.” - on sex.