Guys, I found something really good: Dating tips for the feminist man.
A great male feminist I know sent it to me extremely serendipitously in the midst of a real doozy of a fight with my male feminist partner and I was all ready to brandish it like a sword and vanquish him completely when I read it and learned things and whoops, turns out it’s for feminists of all genders. The premise:
“This is not the 1950s; if you’re committed to social justice but you are still marching along using ‘the rules’ to govern dating, it’s time to consider the connection between your politics and your personal life. Social justice is intersectional; we can’t just fix our economic relationships without fixing our personal and cultural ones.”
Yes please, more please. The entire piece, which I’ve linked to, is over at the Media Co-op and is worth a read for should-be-common-sense gems like this:
“Actively invite conversations before, during, and after a hookup to check if you are on the same page and have similar ideas about what it all means.”
As well as A-ha moments like this:
“If you find yourself disregarding something she is saying because she is upset as she is saying it, notice that this is sexism. You may have been raised to believe emotion is not rational and is therefore not legitimate. That is for you to unlearn, not for you to impose on others. Emotion and intuition, when finely honed, serve clear thinking.”
A million praying-hand emojis to this, praise the female lord!
And who wouldn’t benefit from the following:
“Learn to recognize your own emotions. Consent requires honesty, and you can’t speak honestly about your intentions unless you know what they are.”
I’m looking at you, all the women who have ever said “I’m fine with this being casual, I am breezier than the North Wind,” while secretly thinking “Give me three weeks and a well-timed blowjob and I will be meeting your family at Christmas.”
Ladies, gents, the personal is political. Be better feminists to each other to be better people.