Tear down the streamers, throw out the heart shaped confetti, and stay far, far away from cardboard cut outs of fat babies. This Valentine’s Day, why not throw a slightly more grown up Feb 14th dinner? Presenting, the Eyes Wide Shut Valentines. (Better do it this year, before Tom Cruise really is too weird.) The biggest challenge with this one is keeping it classy or tongue in cheek, thus avoiding references to creepy ’70’s suburban key parties. (Which, in all fairness, would also make a fairly excellent Valentine’s themed dinner party)

THE INVITATIONS:
Send either a thick white card, with calligraphy, listing the place, dress code, and time-nothing else. (Chuck Bass will be thrilled.) Another option is to send each guest a masquerade mask, with party info attached.

THE DECOR:
-Masquerade masks as place cards (before dinner, make everyone guess the sexy nickname you’ve given them for the evening)
-Centrepieces made of black ostrich feathers, thick white candles, and black and blood-red roses
-Velvet and silk hangings, in ivory, ebony, and plum
-heavy silverware, black linen napkins, thick white china plates
-Vintage pin up girls, in spray-painted-gold frames
-Vintage Playboy

THE DRESS CODE:
A lingerie-only dress code is tempting, but not everyone feels comfortable eating pants-free. However, if you know your guest list is chock full of shameless exhibitionists, go for it. It will guarantee an unforgettable evening. Some other, subtler, sexy options:

-Have a fabric theme. Say ‘Silk Only,’ or request guests where ‘touchable’ fabrics, like velvet and cashmere
-Have a colour theme. Red and black attire only.
-Have a sexy accessory request, like stockings and garters for women, and erotic cuff links for men. Or, for something more outrageous, feathers and pearls.

THE MUSIC:
The movie soundtrack will set the scene for liaisons dangereuses:
1. Musica Ricercata No. 2 – Dominic Harlan
2. Jazz Suite 2 Waltz 2 – Concertgeboux Amsterdam (Reprise)
3. Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing – Chris Isaak
4. When I Fall in Love – Young, Victor
5. I Got It Bad & That Ain’t Good – Oscar Peterson Trio
6. Naval Officer – Jocelyn Pook
7. Dream, The – Jocelyn Pook
8. Masked Ball – Jocelyn Pook
9. Migrations – Jocelyn Pook
10. If I Had You – Roy Gerson
11. Strangers In The Night – Peter Hughes Orchestra
12. Blame It On My Youth – Brad Mehldau
13. Grey Clouds – Liszt, Franz
14. Musica Ricercata No. 2 – Dominic Harlan

THE FOOD:
-Green Papaya Salad
-Rocky Mountain Oysters (because what could be sexier than an aphrodisiac + bull testicles?)
-Squid Ink Risotto
-Marzipan (dirty shapes optional)
-Vanilla Ice Cream drizzled with honey

THE DRINK
-Champagne with one strawberry, sliced halfway, on the edge of each glass
-Campo Vieja Reserva Red (Spain)

THE GIFT BAG:
-If you’re guests aren’t shy, gift each one with a Trojan Vibrating Ring upon exit
-If they are, make up little bags of chocolate-dipped strawberries