In the voyeuristic age of Facebook, a breakup suddenly becomes everyone’s business, and the whole thing is made immeasurably more painful as it becomes official on the internet. Now, imagine if you are Raymi the Minx, one half of Toronto’s most popular couple of bloggers, and you break up with your fiancé. The fallout was epic: readers of her blog wanted to know all the details, she was in the Globe and Mail and Metro, and then she made the big move from Toronto to the suburbs of Burlington?? People can’t get enough of Raymi, or her tits, so we sat down to talk to her about breaking up in the age of the blog.
SDTC: So to begin with, a lot of people who hadn’t read your blog before probably started with the piece in the Globe and Mail about your breakup with Phil. How do you feel about people starting to read about your life because of an article about your breakup?
Raymi: At this point I feel so totally exhausted by it personally I can’t even begin to care about how someone else feels about it. Obviously it’s a slanted perspective of a person’s life, to begin taking them in in that regard. Maybe give them a chance to figure out I’m a mess on their own before telling them what to think next time? How are you not supposed to be a mess during a breakup? I’ve been around for years, I don’t feel defined by events, to be frank. I acknowledge their affect on my life, my person, but I’m not THE BREAKUP BLOGGER now. I’m still doing my thing. Do people who read the Globe even care about blogs? How is one to know what sticks, where a reader comes from and when they started reading? I’ve no idea anymore.
SDTC: Why did you decide to do the article – how did the opportunity come up?
Raymi: I was approached by a writer. He made it clear the “news peg” would be the current breakup but also pitched a feature/profile on me. Did that happen? Yes, sort of. But moreso the piece was centred around the breakup. Pre-breakup Raymi is simply a relic, no sense of urgency or rush to press anything about me whatsoever, always sort of there and maybe we’ll call her up for a soundbyte when relevant. I did not anticipate the reaction to the article to be what it was. I’m used to people being underwhelmed by me and everything I do but apparently dumping your life on its head is shocking still, to some.
SDTC: Were you pleased with how the article turned out?
Raymi: Ahh hmm. It’s weird to see yourself in print and your huge fucking nose at the top header of the Toronto section in a paper your elders can’t stop beating off for, so once you get over that an “oh, shit” feeling sinks in and you feel on edge as you read, expecting the utter worst. So then you speed read it all and see that it is nowhere as bad as you thought, sure some unsavory things are in it and a little out of context here and there, but really you’re relieved it’s not so bad. So if that can be taken as “pleased with” then yes, absolutely. Press is press right?
SDTC: Do you think of yourself as different from your blog alter-ego Raymi?
Raymi: Only when I learn people have pre-conceived notions of me and say as much when they meet me and realize I’m not yelling and screaming and terrorizing the room. People can talk a big game on the internet BECAUSE THEY’RE ON THE INTERNET. How I write is how I think and I do some thinking in real life too. Everyone wears a different hat for different occasions; I don’t see what the big interest in my personae is. If I’m able to write a paragraph and you liked it, guess what, I wrote it, that was real. It happened. What’s the big mystery? Or are you asking if I’m really bitchy? I think at root that’s what a lot of women assume/want to know (it’s happened) – if I were a man this question would never be asked, we would just allow him to be and take him for what he is.
SDTC: Fair enough. So, is the move to Burlington temporary or permanent? Do you miss the Big Smoke?
Raymi: It’s temporary, as is everything in life. I think eventually I will make my way back to the city but then I ask myself why. What’s the big rush or big deal? I mean, I fucking hated the city and attempted to be out of it every chance I got when I was living there, especially this past summer. It wasn’t doing anything for me anymore and after spending so many years as a teen romanticizing it, making it the end-all-be-all of my life, I’m over it. I do miss it, yes, but not insanely. One thing though, you don’t realize how much you actually walk when living in a city, that’s the first thing you miss. I love the city I’m just having a temporary breakup with it right now.
SDTC: Speaking of breakups, got any advice on how to get over a nasty one?
Raymi: Seeing as I did the breaking up, I only know my end of things. I did have my heart broken once when I was 16 and I asked the guy (older) how to get over the pain and he said time, and other loves. They kind of layer on top of each other and eventually you are over that person. So I went to England and had some one night stands. Definitely get out, go away, go somewhere new. Drink. Be with friends, cry, but know it’s not the end of the world. Try to see the positive in it.
If you haven’t been to Raymi’s blog – then you are the last one in Toronto. Check out this nutter that we love: raymitheminx.com. And, read more of her thoughts on blogging on Torontoist.