Highlight at Spice Route Mango after party was going pee and wondering if someone would see me through the glass.

Everyone always remarks that L’Oreal fashion week is in its infancy, but never was this as strikingly apparent as at the barely attended opening night after party at Spice Route. You know a party isn’t hopping when the same waiter asks you seventeen times if you want the lettuce chicken wrap. A private room was reserved for media elite and Monica Cruz. What exactly Penelope’s younger sister and her mall rat Spanish clothing line have to do with Canada’s fashion week, we aren’t sure – but we are sure that this busty beauty was not enough to pull a crowd on a rainy and dismally cold Monday night. Fefe Dobson joined our table and we indulged in many good-for-you, bad-for-you cocktails – as described by the misbehaving front door hostess. The pomegranate is supposed to make them good, but eight tumblers later, we think the Beefeater Gin may have drowned that out. Maybe. Fefe was bored too, so we chatted about Halloween Costumes. She complained that there aren’t enough black characters to model herself after, she’s already done the Halle Berry cat woman and not so comfortable with Aunt Jemima. An unfortunate white girl then chimed in with ‘Why not Rosa Parks? You could cut out a cardboard bus to sit in!!’. Awk-ward. Luckily, our conversation, which was about to get heavy – was interrupted by body contortionists that began a show three yards to our left – for about an audience of three people. The highlight of the night was peeing in the luxurious washrooms, where you can get a view of green grass and fountains while perched on the can. I watched the water spill from the fountain as I felt the piss fall from me. I imagined the rhythms matching, the liquids flowing in unison – this pleased me. The only thing better would be if people were hanging out on the other side of the tinted glass so I could secretly flash them my privates. Call me perverse – but the thought was titillating and far more exciting than another round of lettuce chicken.