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How To Give A Magically Tantric Blowjob

I am often approached randomly for Tantric sex, as though I’m a sort of Golden Goose for mind-blowing sex. I’d like to point out that, no, sleeping with a Tantric practitioner doesn’t make one better in bed. But learning Tantra can.

If you haven’t heard of Tantra, please view my handy guide here. Basically, Tantra is the observation of your own life force that will better your life and self-awareness. Your sexual energy and your creative energy are your life force. So, the more we invest into our own pleasure and in moments of intimacy, the more fulfilling our lives become.

Now onto this week’s question:

Q: I want to be better at giving blowjobs! What do I do?

A: There are a TON of articles written on blowjob and sex techniques out there. This has been a hot topic since the 70s (Cosmo did, after all, become a women’s magazine in 1965). Here’s a short list of the basics:

  • Don’t use your teeth: Cover your teeth with your lips unless otherwise requested.
  • Eye contact and sounds heighten the experience.
  • Massaging the perineum (the section of skin between a man’s scrotum and anus) will stimulate the P-Spot (the prostate gland), and it does work for some men. This is easier to achieve through the anus but your partner has to be really comfortable and open to you doing this.
  • Many men like it when you swallow. While I get this, these men should also be in love with you kissing them afterwards.
  • Deep throating! While some people prefer to desensitize their gag reflex so they can deep throat, some partners prefer to see gagging (thanks mainly to the popularity of hardcore porn).
  • Be certain there is mutual trust, respect, open communication, comfort and care reciprocated between you and your partner beforehand. Being vulnerable during sex is one of the most amazing gifts you could experience. This is especially why you want to ensure you feel physically and emotionally safe during these moments.

These tips, however, aren’t all you need to perform a mind-blowing blowjob!

The Secret Ingredients? Love & Passion!

You have to LOVE this! Love your partner’s genitals AND them. Love the act, love their fluids (there are actually a lot of health benefits to swallowing and, of course, be sure your partner is healthy beforehand). Within Tantra, our sex organs and fluids play very special roles in deepening our intimacy with ourselves and our partner(s). In Tantra, we see the beauty in all, and fluids like sweat, semen and female ejaculate (often referred to as Amrita within Neo-Tantra) heighten your sexual experience.

If you’ve had any reservations about being this close to your partner’s cock with your mouth or even swallowing, please ask yourself the following, and observe your answers:

Are you going down on the right person? In other words, does this person deserve you? Do they care about you and your well-being, and do you reciprocate those feelings? Do you trust them? If your actual feeling is that you’re just not into this person, it’s definitely not a bad thing and incredibly worth listening to.

Are you concerned they won’t reciprocate? It’s a good idea to have a talk with your partner about this before sex to let them know you’re also down for them going down!

Are there concerns about hygiene here? If so, let your partner know you would like them to shower before you’re together. Feel free to join them!

Are you concerned about your partner not reaching orgasm? Like with sex, orgasms don’t need to be an endpoint and oral pleasure is definitely great foreplay!

Are you grossed out by the act of going down on your partner? Freaked out by fluids? Does the act of swallowing make you queasy? Often, our own feelings towards sex and intimacy could be a huge factor in how comfortable we are with oral sex. Things to consider here include the feelings you felt around sex, love and intimacy growing up, your cultural/religious/spiritual beliefs around sex, and your personal views on your body, your sexual body parts and your own fluids.

So with this all in mind, while bringing in the Tantric pillars of mutual passion, love, trust, open communication, comfort and the direct intention of reaching deeper levels of intimacy with your partner, you will find your blowjob prowess grow to magical new proportions.

Devika J. Singh is a Tantric sex and singles relationship coach. Got a love/sex question? Email her.

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