Make Me Like Madonna

I don’t really need a reason to do a photo tribute to Madonna – but this particular newsletter seemed fitting:

Desperately Seeking Susan – definitely in my top ten eighties movies.

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Upon entrance it was all smiles and typical pleasantries proceeded any real discourse:

“I love that skirt”
“I love those boots!!”
“You’ve changed your hair, it looks great.”
“How are you, it’s been so long??”
“Well thanks – yeah, really good, you?”

“Really busy but good.”

After a cup of coffee these social niceties quickly descended into this:

“I HATE MY HAIR, it’s like straw from all the dye, stripping and crap I do to it.”
“I’m starting to get weird stray hairs growing on my CHIN!”
“My skin sucks. I will never look young again. I have half the energy I used to and feel like shit.”

“I CAN’T STOP EATING, I feel like a tub of lard.”

Yep. There’s no surprise here really – this is the way a typical conversation goes between women hovering around 30. It’s somewhat depressing that we are so fixated on our blotches, fine lines or unusual weight gains – but also something very comforting in that we all experience these changes together. In fact, it’s practically comical the way we dramatize and over-exaggerate our issues.

At 22 I could go out, drink my face off and wake up bright and early the next day looking like I just walked out of a spa. Now, if I go nuts mid week – I’m absolutely screwed and wake up looking like a dried up tea bag that’s been resting on a counter for two days.

Yes, growing up can suck sometimes. However you can combat this by becoming a yoga fanatic, flipping your diet upside down to become a crazed organic vegan, ensuring that you drink seven glasses of water a day, limit your alcohol to three Vodka Sodas a week, and go to bed at 9PM listening to meditation sounds from the forest.

Yeah whatever.

This regime may be attainable for a few annoyingly perfect people but for those of us who’s attempt at this total health nut lifestyle seems futile, there is the Intraceuticals Rejuvenation Oxygen Infusion – wow! In my colloquial translation – air blown on face with vitamins to make you look younger and fresh faced. Hurrah!

I had the pleasure of getting this procedure at the Bay Dermatology Centre last week. After completing the right hand side of my face they held a mirror up so I could see the difference – shocking! Beyond showing immediate effects, the visible improvements last up to three weeks, and of course also provide deep nourishments to the face. Thank god they completed the left hand side before I departed.

As the magical oxygen wand is waved over your face it opens the pores and delivers intense hydration, vitamins A, C and E and Japanese green tea deep within the skin. Madonna’s 50 year old yet 30 year old face can largely be attributed to this treatment, because let’s be honest – it ain’t just about Pilates. Madge has been an advocate of this treatment for years and now you and I can also indulge in this beautifying exercise thanks to Dr. Sandy Skotnicki-Grant, owner and medical director of the Bay Dermatology Centre – the only location in downtown Toronto that offers this special service.

It costs $225 for a 40 minute treatment, which is obviously more than a regular facial, but then a regular facial will give you a 24 hour glow – as opposed to a 3 week one. Definitely a luxury that may go well with let’s say – your wedding day, hosting a mega party or simply a big gift to uplift yourself.

Now back to the lunch date that spiraled into self loathing:

Upon leaving, I walked home thinking about our sour conversation, laughing at the extreme communal self degradation and followed this up with a dry e-mail to my fellow lunch goers exclaiming how ridiculous our complaints were. A quick reply came from one of the girls saying that after we had left, a man had taken her aside and remarked at how good looking our table of four was. HA!

Moral of the story – we may not be as fresh faced as we were at twenty two and there’s nothing wrong about wanting to improve our appearance but just because you may have a few more lines and an awkward stray hair or two does not mean you have become a wretched old hag rather still a stone cold fox. BOUYAAH!

For more info:

Bay Dermatology Centre
www.baydermatologycentre.com

Life is a Mystery
Everyone must stand alone
I HEAR YOU CALL MY NAME
And it feels like…home.

Dear God, make me look like Madonna when I’m fifty.

Amen.

Jen

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