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Real Housewives of Toronto, Episode 7

So we are back. This week the ladies seemed to be experiencing the seven-episode itch, because the drama reached epic proportions. There was so much shade that it might as well have taken place under an umbrella.

The episode started in relative peace, with Emma and Lola shopping together at a fancy dog store as their human mothers (Ann and Roxy, respectively) watched on. On this outing, we learned information that made me feel poor. For example, Roxy told the cameras that Lola eats only organic chicken. Basically, this pet eats better than most middle-class Canadian children.

Of course, Roxy isn’t only a devoted wife and dog mother. She is now an app developer, apparently. This episode saw her venture to the Four Seasons Hotel with her assistant to pitch an app that is basically Uber for clothes. Were it to go live, it would allow women to share items from their closets. Roxy claimed it was her ambition to completely “disrupt” how women dress with such technology. I cannot wait to see the episode where she takes her app to Silicon Valley.

Between the pampered canines and fledgling business ideas, it initially seemed everything this week would be harmonious, but then the shizz hit the proverbial fan. But really, weren’t you hoping it would all along?

Stuff got real when Jana and Grego decided it was time to confront Kara about her smacktalking Joan. They decided, after an in-depth discussion, that it was only right to tell Joan about Kara’s low opinion of her. Joan, however, was shocked when they discovered the ladies had only heard this gossip second-hand from Roxy, rather than from the horse’s mouth. Was Roxy a reliable source? Joan wondered. Finally, someone else sees that Roxy is the real provocateur on this show. As a loyal viewer, I found Joan’s suspicions to be very validating.

Events reached their climax at a fancy lunch thrown by Ann for all six of everyone’s favourite frenemies from The 6ix. The strangest part of the episode occurred when, despite the fact that Joan lives in Aurora and Jana in The Beach, they shared a limo to the restaurant. Now, as someone who grew up in The Beach and has travelled to Aurora at least twice, I consider myself an expert on this journey. Let me tell you, those two places are a good forty-five minutes apart. It would make no sense for these two women to carpool. But hey, why let common sense get in the way of some good shots? I mean, this is reality TV, not a documentary.

Once everyone arrived at the lunch venue, Ann invited the squad to Barcelona to be demo models for her husband’s plastic surgery clinic. I am not making this up. Yes, I realize it was not a normal thing to request of people you neither really know nor like. But hey, the plot wants what the plot wants, and a trip to Spain will make for some juicy scenes.

Anyway, back to the lunch. Not only did Ann invite her pseudo friends on a Catalan adventure, but Joan also took the opportunity to confront Kara. Their feud is therefore now IRL, not just a series of passive aggressive shots fired behind each other’s backs. There was, however, no real resolution to this conflict. It didn’t even produce any memorable lines! Ultimately, this silly squable was probably the most boring fight in the history of the Real Housewives franchise. It felt far too polite, too restrained, too Canadian.

That’s all for this episode. Tune in next week, when our gals will be in sunny Spain. Can you say, “Sangria?”

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