by Therese de Grace
Whenever I turn a year older my partner and I have a tradition we follow, we write down our top ten lists of bizarre moments.  I find it helps to hum the American Circus theme song while reading each one. 

1. Spending last Christmas dinner sitting next to my Great Aunt who is hard of hearing and had a rotting cyst in her head that smelt like twice dead ass.

2.
Walking in on my grandparents having the loudest sex ever followed by me running around screaming “My eyes, they burn!”

3.  Watching Team America with my mother-in-law and her asking me why the puppets were pooping on each other during sex and me explaining it!

4. Going to my first sex shop with my partner to buy porn and much to my delight an old friend of my mother’s was working there. She told my girlfriend about how cute I used to be in my footy pj’s and proceeded to sell us some girl on girl porn.  

5. Taking a pee off the side of a secluded road in the backwoods of Peterborough and losing my balance while squatting, rolling down a hill onto a golf course. 

6. My client regaling me with the story of how he swallowed his dental Crown, pooped it out, washed it and put it back into his mouth.

7. Having a Chef create his specialty dish for me to try, it was a round 8 lbs fish ball filled with mayonnaise and American Cheese, I thought it was going to sprout feet and run away! 

8. Being in the check out line and whispering to my girlfriend that it smelt like old people only to turn around and see a gaggle of elders glaring at me.

9. My niece telling me that she thinks Panty Liners should really be
called Pee-Pee liners. 

10. Getting chewing gum stuck in the most inappropriate place. 

**The Recipe below is one of my favourites and it was part of my celebration dinner this year, it is simple, delicious and  perfect anytime of year**

Roasted Citrus Glazed Trout with a Tomato, Avocado Salsa, Served With Steamed Broccolini

For the Salsa: 

You will require the following ingredients:

3 diced roma tomatoes
2 diced avocado (toss in lemon juice immediately)
1 minced green onion
1 tablespoon of minced capers
Pinch of cumin
Pinch of cayenne
1 teaspoon of olive oil
Juice of two limes
Salt and pepper to taste

Method:

Toss all your ingredients in a bowl and season with salt and pepper to taste.  Allow to sit for 10 minutes before serving on top of your trout. 

For the Fish:

You will require the following ingredients:

4 pieces of skin on, boneless salmon trout (about 5 oz a piece)
1 tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard
½ teaspoon grated fresh ginger
1 clove of minced garlic
Juice of 1 pink grapefruit
Pinch of sea salt 

Method:

In a bowl whisk together all ingredients except for the trout. 

Brush each piece of trout with the wet mixture and arrange the pieces ¼ of an inch apart with the skin side up (this will give your skin a beautiful roasted crust).  

Roast fish in a preheated oven at 375 degrees for approximately 8 minutes or until the flesh is easily flaked with a fork.

Served the trout on top of broccolini that has been steamed, tossed in sea salt and extra virgin olive oil and top with salsa. 

Tip:  The combination of hot fish and cool salsa gives this dish an amazing twist of temperature, taste and texture!  Serve this dish with an off-dry Riesling for a perfect marriage of flavours.