The Scribble

Weekend Ideas

Submitted by Jen on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 08:34.

Weekend Ideas

Don't end your night with a hot dog, but I do recommend 7/11 as a good venue to conduct sociological 2AM experiments.

The patio at Sweaty Betty's last night was a jungle gym of tangled limbs and bodies. You were either sitting down three inches away from someone's bum or standing up drizzling beer on someone's back. I'm sure everyone was removing themselves from stiflingly hot apartments to find a cool patio – but it started to feel utterly uncivilized when I had to do straddles over chairs and lunges over short girls to trek to the washroom. A sweaty game of twister it was.

ODE TO 7/11

7/11 with a mountain view

7/11 reflection on Asian business group

Dirty looking 7/11

7/11 = more vibrant packaging

YAY – dancing hot dogs!

Mr. Hot Dog Man, I love you

Ticky-ticky-tac-tac- TAQUITO!

Meet the band: Everything All the Time

Pillow Fighters Ursula Anvil, Persian Princess and Laura Tunderin Geezus

GNARLY! He reminds me of those Garbage Pail kids – the anti Cabbage Patch brigade

COBRASNAKE PHOTOS

Relaxing, Hare Krishna style.

The real question is, do they actually make you horny?

We decided to take a jaunt to Ossington's hidden treasure; the back patio of Reposado. Candlelit with groomed vines and cushioned seats – it's like walking into a four star Mexican villa. My nightcap was a stiff slow sipping tequila, and then the debate began: what tastes better a 7/11 hot dog or a taquito?

I can always count on a scene to be going down in the 7/11. Twice I've been propositioned for sex, I've since decided not to prowl around the chip racks in a pleather black mini and bitch boots at 3AM. Further to lewd gestures from men in pick up trucks, you will undoubtedly spot a very stoned individual salivating over frozen pizza or nachos. Sometimes there are gangster looking thugs that prompt me to bat my eyes around the store quickly sussing out the best place to hide in case of mad shooting. I probably shouldn't let you in on my secret, but I'd hide in the mail bag in the Canada Post North East corner. If no time was given for that, I'd stop, drop and roll around the pudding and sunflower seed section.

My friend Sasha kept ordering taquitos and they kept giving her this crazy jalapeno one – so eventually after three tries and one taquito dropping to the floor, it was settled she had the right one. She felt bad that they had gone through so many due to her picky taquito eating habits, I kindly reminded her that they probably three cents to make and that the quality was on par with dog food. But of course, my hot dog is wonderful. As I was lining it with ketchup some bloodshot eyed George Costanza type started looping me in to his own guilt:

"You know what we are doing is really dirty." As he smirked ordering his own set of taquitos.

"I mean, no offense to you guys." He directed at the men behind the counter.

Looking at me again, "Dirrrrrrrrty."

While this exchange was going on, a b-list local celebrity was impatiently trying to purchase Perrier, irritated at all of us half with it folks stumbling around yelling out for mustard.

And then a scrawny Indian man came in with a wig, school girls skirt and a lazy eye. I'm not sure what he was thinking when he left the house, couldn't tell if he thought he looked like a really attractive lady or a saucy teenage vixen. Most drag queens take time to properly slap on the heavy makeup and shave. Clearly, this man was indecisive of his sexuality.

And then George Costanza chimed in with a drawl:
"How's that working out for ya?"

Ahhh 7/11, you truly are the most accurate portrait of our times.

Ideas that you can buffer with a hot dog:

TONIGHT

Temptation Thursdays
Cool off and join us in the Drake Lounge after work for some easy going cocktails and cheerful chatter. We will be stationed by the window in our pod of sweet soul fun. AND DOUBLE WHAMMY, if you come have a drink with us after work – stick around to hear Toronto indie electro rock pop love childs Everything All The Time in the Underground. Melodically pleasing tunes that you will enjoy cooking and dancing to while intermittently petting your kitten on the head.

myspace.com/everythingallthetimeband

Alternatively – if you are looking for a fight, there are two happening:

At the Gladstone Hotel catch a bunch of angsty goth chicks swatting pillows in each others faces and pinning each other down with fury.
This is a crazy gong show of laughs, ludicrousness and serious catfights.

8PM – Midnight
$15
1214 Queen St. West

Purchase a last minute ticket to FIGHT CLUB, hosted by Toronto's most cultivated club; The Society

A $59 ticket will get you 6 boxers, 3 weight classes, Free flowing beer, bubbly and wine, cigars, oysters and some blood sweat and cheers
8PM – location secret
TO purchase a last minute ticket e-mail info@thesocietytoronto.com

FRIDAY

Start the weekend off right with after work yoga in the park.

Join Spynga & Lululemon in the great outdoors in our second Yoga Mala ceremony (108 Sun Salutations) to raise consciousness of the power that collective practice and action can have on the world, while raising money for Sick Kids Hospital.

Experience 108 powerful vinyasas to live drumming and connecting with nature and each other

Charity Initiative: The Hospital for Sick Children (SickKids), specifically brain cancer research.

Where: Well Hills Park, Bathurst and St. Clair, Spynga

After collective efforts in the park, go back to Spynga for a Lululemon Function Show to get a sneak peak at their new summer line and some cool refreshments.
1415 Bathurst St
www.spynga.com
Donation: $30.00

Horse Feathers

Apparently Dufferin Grove Park used to be a horse racetrack. Tomorrow night giant puppets, courtesy of Clay and Paper Theatre, will wobble around the trees on stilts telling you the historic tales of Toronto's number one carefully used green space. Who doesn't love a wacky puppet show – especially when dogs and children start to troll them around. Ha ha – naaaaaaaaaaay.

7:30 – 9:30PM
875 Dufferin Park
PWYC

GOOD BANDS AT RANCHO RELAXO

Wanna get impressed by some local hot bands?
Jet Set Motel, Hooded Fang, Knock Knock Ginger and Cedar Songs will pack the place full of your potential next boyfriend. Which band name do you like best? They're all pretty good.

www.myspace.com/davidpicco
www.myspace.com/hoodedfrog
www.myspace.com/knocknockginger
www.myspace.com/cedarsongs

300 College St
9PM – 2AM

JAPANESE THEMED HOEDOWN @ CIRCA

RandomLand is continuing to live up to it's name – dress like a doll and make a peace sign for the camera

126 John Street
Tokyo Dopeness Vnd/lsm
DJ Dopey / Serious & Fathom
Vaneska in the Bathroom Bar
10PM – 4AM

Prefer electro to indie? Go to Sneaky Dee's for GNARLY

Cosmo Baker, My!Gay!Husband!, Dougie Boom and The Machetes

www.itstherub.com
www.cosmobaker.com
www.myspace.com/mygayhusband
www.myspace.com/machetes
www.myspace.com/dougieboom

431 College Street
10-3

SATURDAY

Chronologic @ The Boat

When every night you could ever ask for has been done, you gotta get real creative to come up with something new…but these guys did it. Go to The Boat on Saturday and you can swing, mash potato, do the twist, groove, disco, break-dance, mosh, crowd surf and finally dance like we do today. WTF is that anyway? I'm deeming it MASHING AND SMASHING! Music will start in the 1940's and progress/regress to the 2000's.

10PM – 3
158 Augusta
$5

Cobrasnake Dance Party @ Wrongbar

Dress yourself up, put on your 'I'm on heroine' face, and flop in the corner to become famous with your short shorts and un-groomed eyebrows. To really make sure you get photographed, open your mouth somewhat sexually and look perfectly apathetic and vulnerable at the same time. SNAP! Your famous.

thecobrasnake.com/partyphotos.html

Local faves Fritz Helder and NAV spinning with special guest Pase Rock

SUNDAY

Festival of India

Hare Krishna's are putting on a gigantic free vegetarian feast on the island!

There will also be dancing on grass

12-5 PM
Centre Island

Rodney's Oysters Shucking Festival

Oooh, oysters – I could suck you back by the dozen
Lobster Boil, Plentiful Oysters, Mussels, Micro Breweries & Vineyards
$30 gets you 2 drinks and 6 Oysters
Proceeds go to Environmental Defense Canada
Limited Capacity – to reserve: 416-363-8105
2-8PM

Estelle's new album SHINE is certainly my most favourite album of summer 2008 that makes me want to dance in my bathing suit splashing lemonade on my face in the neighbour's lawn. Estelle will be storming the stage at Canada's Wonderland this Sunday…so if you've been talking about that new roller coaster for too many weeks, take a trip to Woodbridge this Sunday and catch Estelle's performance too.

I had the chance to meet Estelle a month ago or so, she's extraordinarly cool and set for mega fame:
http://www.shedoesthecity.com/estelle

We have two prize packs to giveaway containing a signed copy of Shine, poster and sticker.

To enter to win e-mail: contests@shedoesthecity.com subject line ESTELLE

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY

Queen West Market

A haven of must have trinkets, quest-que-c'est clothing and dinnertime side dishes. Market strolling with a coffee on the weekend – life is pleasant.

Old Spin Gallery above The Social

By forwarding this e-mail to one of your friends, you will be eligible to win a fantastic spa package for you and a girlfriend. Delightful gift pack includes:

- Face Treatment
- Blow Out
- Manicure-Pedicure

Total Value is more than $350!

Just click on the blue FORWARD TO A FRIEND link at bottom left of newsletter, and follow the prompt to enter your friend's e-mail addy for a chance to win.

Winner will be notified Monday July 21st

Ritual and Ritual 2 are located at 787 and 793 King St. West
www.ritual.ca

xo
Jen

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Ship Disturbers

Submitted by Jen on Wed, 07/16/2008 - 14:20.

Ship Disturbers

A reading series about young women who aren't afraid to rock the boat.

Bound to entice: Shedoesthecity is proud to host an evening of readings by Globe and Mail Style Editor, Sheree-Lee Olson and Globe and Mail Life Columnist, Claudia Dey from their respective new novels, Sailor Girl and Stunt.

SAILOR GIRL

Sheree-Lee Olson

Sailor Girl follows 19 year old, art school bound, Kate McLeod as she departs the sticky stink of 1981 Parkdale to board ship as a porter on the steel tough freights that push through the dark Great Lakes. The only young girl aboard, Kate is met with a force of uncouth hard-lived seamen and toiling labour. The journeys on the rough waves, through dirty and isolated factory port towns, intertwine with her raw sexual escapades and abusive relationships. She discovers a rougher Canadian life and adapts her creativity to the wild landscape that surrounds her. This gutsy protagonist grows stronger with the current; apathetic teenage years get docked on land.

A poignant novel for young girls trying to find their path in life and for women who have found it and know the pains of getting there. Best served with a stiff drink.

For review in full: www.shedoesthecity.com/arts

STUNT

Claudia Dey

Celebrated playwright, Claudia Dey, will surely win audiences over with her first novel, Stunt. Set in a fantastical version of Toronto, Dey captures the subtle nuances of her female protagonist with poetic, lyrical language; the characters are vivid, unique and irresistible. Stunt follows the story of young Eugenie, whose father, Sheb, disappears one night. He leaves only a note which reads "gone to save the world. sorry, yours, sheb wooly ledoux, asshole." After his departure, Eugenie and her sister Immaculata come of age in Parkdale and beyond. It's "part dirge, part cowboy poetry, and part love letter to the wilder corners of Toronto and of ourselves."

Join us at Queen West's legendary art bar, The Cameron House on Wednesday July 30th.

Grab a drink at the bar and head to the stern of the boat to get moved.

Doors 6:30PM – Readings commence at 7:00PM.

408 Queen St. West

Due to limited seating, please RSVP as soon as possible to Haley Cullingham, haley@shedoesthecity.com to reserve a spot. Friends and crew-mates are welcome.

ALL ABOARD!

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Take me to Wine Country

Submitted by Jen on Tue, 07/15/2008 - 15:04.

Take me to Wine Country

We all know that Niagara is the region where you will be welcomed by vibrating beds, wax museums and monstrous wine compounds filled with tour buses and teetering drunk grannies. If you are looking for a wine region that is a little less brash, I recommend heading East past our beloved Big Apple to the dew kissed Prince Edward County. Get swooned with winding mazes of manicured gardens and strips of land engulfed in sandy beeches and soft singing sparrows. Hidden behind dirt roads discover a ripe selection of family run wineries, cheese factories, jam shacks, farm fresh delights and goats that practically call out – maaaa-maaa.

Wouldn't you love a bottle of wine and some snacks on that picnic bench.

Antiques in barns….sometimes on these sorts of trips I begin to feel sixty, in a relaxed and good way

The view a top Lake on the Mountain, if you walked fifty feet to the other side of peninsula – water was at ground level

Often ghosts live in barns. Horse ghosts. NAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY

Blueberries – better in yoghurt? Or in my mojito?

After my meal at the harvest, I felt warm-wholesome and whimsical

Flowers were everywhere, as were miniature fairies that danced on my ears

Pat's shack of jams – I took home strawberry-banana

I wanna try the old fashion way of stomping on them 'till the town gets drunk

Long Dog Winery – in honour of the hot dog wiener dog

It was practically Provence

Flea Market Finds – Yessssssssssssss!

My $2 1980's Cool Cam works, my pet monster and I tried it out

Now I'll just have to surf the net to find cheap film

I don't know what their names were, I'm going with Jeremy and Falafel.

This past weekend I took a break from deafening DJ's, car exhaust bike rides and band-aid infested public pools to a rural retreat where the land is painted emerald green and even pumping gas in your car felt healthy. Bounding along the 401, each mile I got closer to my la-la land stress was diffused a few ounces from angry and bubbling hot stove top pot to a refreshing mint julep

Stumbling into our bed and breakfast late in the night, tip-toeing and creaking up stranger's stairwell, we took turns muddling the key into the door with irritable feuding whispers:

"Turn it like that, no – let me.."
"Just hold on."
"I've had a key like this before, I know.."

And just as he darts me a look of "CALM THE F*CK DOWN!" the door creaks open into our very own soft room with stars painted on the ceiling and the slow monotonous beat of the ceiling fan comforting our exhausted brains. We take turns opening drawers, sniffing the soap, peering out the window and flipping through our bedside literature about pool rules, dinner spots and wine tours. Ahh yes, this is what it feels like to be RELAXED.

The bed enraptured us like quick sand and within moments our eyes felt heavy and numb.

Our cheeks aglow, we woke to sunshine beaming in lines across our bodies. I stretched my legs, sliding in and around the airy sheets, pulling the sleep from my eye and yawning in fresh country air.

Downstairs we are greeted by Nona and Brooke Bussell, who immediately felt like the Aunt and Uncle we had always enjoyed taking in the sunset with over a full bodied Merlot. One by one, guests made their entrance to the outdoor breakfast table with vacation smiles and well rested limbs.

Within about three minutes, I realized I was sitting across from a recognizable face, a Film Professor from Concordia; a flashback to the days of rebellious rum and cokes and boy crazy nonsense. I admitted to him that I had wanted to major in film but due to my crap-ass first year film about perverted shampoo apartment peepers ,and middle of the road grades, was slotted into the SOUND major instead. Meow...honk honk! I took that opportunity to incubate myself in a sound booth and privately record myself singing The Cranberries and Sarah McLachlan. Every once in a while, someone would walk past and catch me, and this was always very embarrassing.

La-de-dah – this is not a newsletter about frustrating years at uni. Back to my new found love of Picton Ontario:

The rest of the day was spent meandering around in the car, lapping up cider from the County Cider Company, wetting our mouths with Pinot Grigio from Long Dog, HUFFS, and Norman Hardie Winery – getting lost chasing down cheese, Black River that is and having cat naps on the beaches at Ontario's most notable sandy waterfront; the Sandbanks.

Oh, and despite being a town of 4000, Picton has quite the consignment shop, CITY REVIVAL, where I tried on a Chanel three piece suit, Helmut Lang lace up witch bitch boots and Prada swimwear. Snazzy.

In the evening we were instructed to dine at Harvest Restaurant , which has a menu on par with Jamie Kennedy's Wine Bar; with the mandate to bring fresh farmer goods with the least amount of distance traveled – not hard in these parts. Mallard duck with oven roasted heirloom beets, fresh Pickerel drizzled in lemon butter, a mosaic of summer vegetables from local farms paired with local table wines; simple and delicious. I left thinking of the childhood classic, Goodnight Moon – tummy full and ready to nestle in my burrow under a warm tree.

Sunday morning, we met everyone downstairs for another decadent breakfast. I nibbled and listened to the other guests while privately having my red polished toes licked by the Great Dane handsome Bull dog mutt Nina under the table.

Sigh. Although I would have loved to have been adopted by the friendly South African couple – as some sort of cabana girl / cocktail waitress, we reluctantly packed our bags. A quick kiss-kiss to our hosts and we were off for a few hours of adventure before getting slammed in 401 gridlock.

If I had been blessed with a few more days, I would have spent them picking blueberries, taking a ferry to nowhere, finding a horse to ride and doing an oyster and wine pairing but instead we slowly meandered home, stopping at flea markets and curious stands along the way.

I got lost picking through records and old toys at a very filthy and sprawling flea market near Belleville. The man, Don – followed me around his dusty quarters explaining how he had operated the shack of oddities for twenty some years and kept opening his mouth, pushing back his lips to show me how in that time his teeth had rotted, and he had lost some. He had a bed that was plunked in the middle of ragged Encyclopedia Britannica's, 45's, Spice Girl pencil cases, rusty lamps, picture frames of horses, key chains, broken armoires and dolls with beady eyes.

I built a pile of fun things including a pink Polaroid camera branded 'COOL CAM', an assortment of records (Dolly Parton, Tiffany, and naturally – the Mini-Pops), 4 pairs of sunglasses and an illustration of a little girl called 'sugar bun' nuzzled with her kitten. Definitely all things that I absolutely needed – whatevs – it was less than 20 bucks.

No trip to the country would be complete without stumbling upon two llamas perfectly poised under a tree. As I purchased some snap fresh green beans en route home, I chatted with Jeremy and Falafel and I vowed to myself that someday I will too have a llama and a nice tree. I will muddy up gigantic boots, feed my furry buck toothed friend carrots and brush her coat of thick fur.

Feel like taking a trip?

The Wineries to visit:

Norman Hardie Winery
www.normanhardie.com

Carmela Estates Winery
www.carmelaestates.ca

Closson Chase Vineyards
www.clossonchase.com

Huffs Estates Winery
www.huffestates.com

Long Dog Vineyard & Winery
www.longdog.ca

County Cider Company
www.countycider.com

Recommended Accommodations:

Harrington House B&B
www.harringtonbandb.com

Lake on the Mountain Resort (very cool vistas and land formations)
http://www.lakeonthemountain.com/

Claramount Inn (Fancy with Spa)
http://www.claramountinn.com/

The Restaurants to hit up:

The Harvest
http://www.harvestrestaurant.ca/

Buddha Dog (Yes there's one on Roncesvalles too – but this is the original)
http://www.buddhafoodha.com/

The Taste Trail stops:

Fifth Town Artisan Cheese Company – for tasty Bedda Fedda Goat Cheese
http://www.fifthtown.ca/

Fosterholm Farms

Pick your own berries
www.fosterholm.com

Cherryvale Organic Farm
www.cherryvaleorganicfarm.ca

Black River Cheese
913 County Rd. 13, R.R 2
Milford, ON

Pat's jams
113 Morrison Pt. Rd., RR2
Milford, ON

The MUST DO Clothing Shop
City Revival
http://www.cityrevival.com/

For the beach bum:
ontarioparks.com/english/sand.html

BOOK FOR THE BEACH CONTEST

We have five copies of CHASING HARRY WINSTON to giveaway.

From the author who brought you the #1 seller, THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, comes a light and sexy read about four women on the brink of their thirties in Manhattan attempting to have it all; the perfect romance, admirable career, glitzy parties – sound familiar?

A delightful story to compliment your sangria and sun soaked, sea side, summertime self.

For full review;

www.shedoesthecity.com/arts

For a chance to win a copy of Chasing Harry Winston, e-mail contests@shedoesthecity.com
with subject line “VODKA, BEACH, BOOK”

Xo
jen

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Weekend Ideas

Submitted by Jen on Wed, 07/09/2008 - 14:32.

Weekend Ideas

Are you fleeing the big smoke to go smoke a smore under the stars?

Do you believe in ghosts?

Oh Huck Finn, you badass.

Foxfire is GOLDEN!

COLLAGE!

I can’t decide who I’d rather lick.

TIGGER

Coco Framboise

Dirty Martini

Cottage Craftiness

- Dip your roasted marshmallows in Bailey's
- Instead of telling ghost stories, play ghost and crawl out of dark spaces with zinc ointment on your face BOO
- Bring some string and go back to the good ol days of making embroidered necklaces and talking about Hanson
- Turn on some cottage appropriate tunes; Steve Miller Band, Van Morrison, Tom Petty, CCR, April Wine & Trooper NO MOBY, it doesn’t work.
- Build a raft with sticks and pretend you are Huckleberry Finn or survivors from the Titanic; do not play Marco Polo, no one really likes that game
- Time Capsule – what would you put in? What’s hot RIGHT now? That slick club gum FIVE, gladiator shoe, MGMT disc (nearly old)

THURSDAY

Moving away from the time capsule to back in time with stuttering Stanley at Thurday night’s SPELL CHECK - a spelling bee for adults:

Remember when everyone and their dog bragged about how they knew the word antidisestablishmentarism. Or the schoolyard debate on whether that was actually the longest word or supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? I bet the longest word in the world is actually Thai. Either way, the lust for language is back at Whippersnapper! Expect a wonky art show and vowel embarrassments. (Better than bowel embarrassments).

Whippersnapper Gallery
587 College St – upstairs
9PM
$5 – Proceeds go to Parkdale Project Read

For those who want to dress up and impose their musical selection on the bar, LOBBY is having an IPOD battle.

Mingle with the rich gangsters and treat yourself to a deluxe three course meal for a sweet summerlicious twenty five bucks.

What would your top five songs be?

To get people on the dance floor fast, this would be my emergency five:
BOYZ – M.I.A
American Boy – Estelle
Temperature; Sean Paul
Lip Gloss; L'il Mama
Stronger; Kanye West

LOBBY
192 Bloor St West
9PM – 2AM

Manchester electronic disco pop group, The Whip will be joined by local hotter than hot Foxfire and DJ Vaneska @ Wrongbar
Sure to be a packed house
SDTC writer Haley Cullingham interviewed Foxfire, check out:
www.shedoesthecity.com/music

1279 Queen St West
Advance Tix: 12. 50, Rotate This, Play de Record

FRIDAY

FREE SLURPEE DAY!! Noon until 11:59PM
Heavenly @ 7/11.

Friday at the Movies – go check out BOMB IT @ The Bloor
Documentary about Graffitti, its da bomb.
http://www.bombit-themovie.com/
7-9PM
506 Bloor St. West

THE WACKNESS opens and this is the MUST SEE MOVIE OF THE SUMMER
See review for details:
www.shedoesthecity.com/arts

COLLAGE @ Tiger Bar
Pop Tarts / Soul Sistas / Girl Groups
NO COVER and cheap drinks
Cut a rug and glue yourself to some cutie 444 College Street
9PM – 2AM

SATURDAY

Costume Sale @ Toronto Film Studios
Seeing as though everyone is wearing costumes as regular garb nowadays – this makes even more sense.
Who would you dress as? I pick either Maggie Gyllenhaal from Secretary or Mia Farrow in Bonnie and Clyde.
629 Eastern Avenue
9AM - 5PM
$2 admission – tote bags encouraged

MIDNIGHT MADNESS; fashion styles

VINTAGE 69 will be having a mega sale from 12PM – 12AM
FREE LEMONADE with your $10 T-shirt
1100 Queen St. West

Turning Point
A man called Warwick will be impressing music fans with a FIVE HOUR SOLO SET and a gigantic range of songs. Latin cumbia to Caribbean tropical rhythms; this is a night for people who like to dance. As always, arrive early for this well established monthly, and take a trip around the world.

$10 / doors open at 10PM
Gladstone Hotel
1213 Queen St. West

Burlesque Ball @ Mod Club
Quite simply a terrific way to spend an evening that will no doubt leave you with a story. Dirty Martini, Coco Framboise and Tigger will be putting on a show and ripping it all off one little bit at a time.
More info:
www.myspace.com/tiggernyc
www.myspace.com/cocoframboise
www.myspace.com/dirtymartiniburlesque
722 College Street
$35
7PM – 10PM

ALL WEEKEND LONG

Toronto Outdoor Art Exhibition @ Nathan Phillips Square. Take a wander through a maze of drawings and buy some cool stuff for your wall.
FRIDAY, SATURDAY and SUNDAY.

STRIPPING CONTEST

BOYLESQUE – our very own all boy burlesque troupe

well not totally:

BOYLESQUE T.O.!
TORONTO’S FIRST ALL-MALE BURLESQUE TROUPE

PRESENTS THEIR FIRST EVER PERFORMANCE
BOY OH BOY!
A HILARIOUS NIGHT OF BOYS, BURLESQUE & BAWDY THRILLS

Shedoesthecity has two tix to giveaway for this night of nakedness and fun.

Thursday, July 24th @ The Gladstone Hotel,
1214 Queen St. W. Toronto at 8:30pm

In a series of sexy and uproarious five-minute acts, performers will undress and unpack some of the most famous male archetypes in history and pop culture (think macho hockey players and gay cowboys) plus some of Toronto’s most recognizable and fetishized male cultural icons (like your TTC operator or your local queen west barista).

For a chance to win e-mail: contests@shedoesthecity.com, subject line – YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON

Oh you brash ball breaker!

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WEEKEND IDEAS: I Wanna Get High...

Submitted by Jen on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 13:26.

WEEKEND IDEAS: I Wanna Get High...

…so high.

It's funny how without any premeditated organization, a day can become stunningly themed.

Yesterday was all about getting high – whether eating cornish hen whilst hung from a crane in the middle of the sky in Dundas Square or watching Ben Kingsley taking hits from the bong and tagging 1994 NYC; you know, the self help, Giuliani crack down, hip hop, page a dealer on the pay phone era.

What? This is perfectly normal.

My sky high meal

The scene above street level

Eye spy with my little eye Forever 21

Our lives were in his hands

For more info on Dinner in the Sky, please visit www.dinnerinthesky.ca

GO SEE THIS FILM!!

Making out with older man – sexy or revolting?

HORMONE HEAVY TEENAGE LUST

Did the pump really make us go faster?

This doesn't seem fun anymore. Neither does Duck Hunt.

If I have to use a payphone these days, I'm disgusted – meanwhile it was my only out of home mode of communication for ten years.

$5 INTIMATE DANCE PARTY

Thunderheist got MIA dancing on stage in the Drake Underground, you?

WEST END MEETS EAST END BIKE TOUR

All I know is at the end of the night, I wanted to stick something in my mouth – and I'm not referring to a cold popsicle or a swollen member. To each their own.

First things first, what in the devil was I doing eating cornish hen and pesto mash suspended in the air by a crane? It's called Dinner in The Sky and it's the latest worldwide craze that was developed in Belgium. Get with the program!

Essentially, it's what I would deem the sophisticated ride for adults with discerning taste. (figuratively and literally) No more Canada's Wonderland Mindbuster for me! I can do without the bone rattling, scraped knee upchuck feeling and swap for five star mid air feast.

The contraption can hold up to 22 guests, one chef, two waiters and two technical coordinators. We went up 35 metres, but this thing can actually soar to 50 meters. Thanks to American Express, the hosts of this sky high culinary treat, I was able to get a closer view of all the billboards. I left wanting to chew Dentyne Ice and make out with hot frat boys, drink refreshing 7up, get up extra early to watch Breakfast Television, buy tix to Dark Knight, snatch up the latest Hello Magazine to get the dirt on Prince William (like he has any), and rack my credit card up at Forever 21.

Cha-ching – charge it please! Whoever is running the marketing department at American Express, has their thinking cap on. That Capital One 'hand in my pocket' song only makes me want to get foolish in the living room, doing a parade style dance whilst jamming my greedy hands down my man's pants.

Although I'm sure the view would have been a tad more romantic from perhaps Toronto Island, Queens Park or the top of Avenue Road, even The Junction? That said, I will not be one of those wankers who complains about sipping bubbly in the middle of the sky.

Nevertheless, a well oiled operation; thank god.

BRIDES TO BE TAKE NOTE: Upon descent, I heard women gossiping that the next big thing is weddings in the air.

A couple hours later I attended a preview screening of The Wackness. Getting high part two was all about m-a-r-i-j-u-a-n-a…scales, blunts, baggies, bongs and B.I.G &ndash, Notorious that is.

The Wackness managed to whack me sideways with laughter, empathy and pure cinema delight. It's like mixing the quirky one-liners of Juno with the street cred of KIDS, and a little Squid and the Whale for just the right amount of dysfunctional family special sauce to make us all half relate, and half smirk.

Beyond being an amazing film, it was fun to play – "SPOT THE NINETIES REFERENCE POINTS":

Tetris, pagers, whatup?, Kurt Cobain, Forrest Gump, Mixtapes, OJ plastered to the front of newspapers and Nike Air pump sneakers. You get it? Word.

The nostalgia was extraordinarily vivid. I remember distinctly being in my house with two guy friends BLARING Beastie Boys, we may have been lighting up…when the next-door neighbour ding-a-ling'ed: "JENNIFER McNEELY, I'M GOING TO CALL THE COPS!"

"GO AHEAD MR. WILSON, THERE'S ONLY THREE OF US HERE!! OOOH – SCARE ME MORE!!"

Back inside we flipped Beastie Boys to Cypress Hill and CRANKED IT! What a brat.

(P.S His name was Mr. Wilson, that's not just some estranged Dennis the Menace reference.)

I also recall cruising around the neighbourhood, staid Lawrence Park I might add, thinking I was some kind of gangster pumping out Tribe Called Quest, waiting for a booty call page. Or sitting and watching KIDS with a dozen or so girlfriends AND MY MOTHER, while she lectured us on sex. Nothing is more uncomfortable than watching and hearing Chloe Sevigny get penetrated on a leather couch while sitting silently in the daylight amongst a room full of sexually frustrated virgins. Fun times.

The teenage angst, confusion, horniness and awkwardness in this film was picture perfect.

Oh the nineties…and to think we thought there was no distinction of this decade. So close yet so far away.

Written and directed by cutie Jonathan Levine, starring newcomer Josh Peck, who plays depressed drug dealer Luke Shapiro (who hopefully won't fade away like that dear Telly from KIDS), Olivia Thirbly – the hot one in JUNO who coincidentally plays the babe here, and Sir Ben Kingsley – who does a REMARKABLE job as the mid life crisis, pot smoking shrink. Oh yeah, and Mary-Kate Olsen…who has not so surprisingly is credited for most of the buzz in this film, but only plays a bit part as slutty hippie chick who tongues papa Kingsley in a sleazy phone booth.

Could Jonathan Levine be the new Wes Anderson? He will surely be going head to head with homegrown Jason Reitman.

Oh we adore you quirky, brilliant filmmakers! Now all we need is a woman to step up and play ball with your team.

If you aren't dining mid-air or running to theatre to check out THE WACKNESS, here are some other prized and wacky things you should get up to this weekend:

FRIDAY

ART PARTY
Be Mine: Valentines Day circa 1957 @ Whippersnapper
Given the current summer season and the precicesness dating of this event, it almost seems like art of the absurd. Fun.
587A College St. $10

QUEER REVELRY
LISP @ THE BEAVER

For those who aren't completely shot from Pride, head on over to the Beaver for some cockamamie and snatch attack.

ROOM PARTY @ THE BOAT
$5 gets you in the door, great music and possibly a kiss. Can you ask for anything more?
158 Augusta, Kensington Market
Late start – 11ish

5th Anniversary Beats, Break and Culture festival at Harbourfront – FREE FOR ALL

First wave electro Liverpool love trap Ladytron plays at Harbourfront

http://www.myspace.com/ladytron

8PM
All Ages

SATURDAY

LANGUAGE ARTS AT RANCHO RELAXO

Really sweet band from Vancouver, read our review:

www.shedoesthecity.com/arts

300 College St.
9PM

Beats, Breaks and Culture at Harbourfront featuring:

Crystal Castles & Thunderheist, must have plugged both at least a dozen times this year…and there's a reason for hitting you over the head continuously, it's not some sick and twisted S&M game.
FREE MEGA DANCE PARTY
Starts @ 8 pm

http://www.myspace.com/thunderheist
http://www.myspace.com/crystalcastles

Summer at Harbourfront is completely rad.

Perhaps something a little more jazzy and hokey

Saturday Night Swing at Dovercourt House
805 Dovercourt Rd.

GOIN' Steady at the Gladstone
It's the 3rd year anniversary, almost time to go all the way!

1214 Queen St. W.
10 pm-3 am, $5 before 11, $10 after

Soda pop style costumes encouraged!

SUNDAY

Gladstone Cowboy Tour by Hank

Hank Young; he sings Karaoke, operates the elevator, was in charge of the parking lot across the street for a while, and is a completely charismatic character who always has a cowboy hat on.
2 – 3 PM

Meet in the lobby you fake tourist.

Does the sound of drums light you on fire?

Go to Afrofest at Queens Park and dance around the provincial buildings like you have never done before.
noon-10:30 pm

SDTC City Bike Tours
Shedoesthecity is excited to offer our first installment of three extremely cool bike tours this summer - thanks to SDTC writer Lizzie and Sights on Bikes.

WEST END MEETS EAST END BIKE TOUR

Breach the DVP mental barrier and cruise the mythical land known as the East End. Discover the bars and restaurants that have kidnapped your Leslieville friends. Pretend you're Stephanie Kaye rolling down Degrassi Street. Get over your misguided fears of swimming in Lake Ontario. Think the unthinkable: maybe you could live West of Spadina?

Next Wednesday, JULY 9
BIKES PROVIDED!
6PM – 8:30PM
Cost $15, pay in cash upon arrival

We only have fifteen spots available, so if you are interested in joining us on this adventure, RSVP ASAP to lizzie@shedoesthecity.com to reserve a spot.

As always, tonight SDTC will be heading to The Drake Hotel after work for Temptation Thursdays. If you are in the hood, stop on by, we will be in the lounge after 7PM.

Summertime…and the living is easy.

Xo
Jen

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The Ultimate Way To Spend Canada Day

Submitted by Jen on Thu, 06/26/2008 - 14:58.

The Ultimate Way To Spend Canada Day

I've been doing a relaxed poll this week where I ask people what they do to celebrate Canada Day, what traditions they have - the answer seemed to be unanimous:

"DRINK BEER"

Yes, I concur that when I think of Canada Day I think of buying copious amounts of Molson Canadian and beef; getting wasted over a BBQ in soaked bathing suits and burnt skin. OH CANADA, our home and native land!

Hot tramp, I love you so.

Flag

Samuel de Champlain

Sometimes I get told I look like her. I prefer that to Phoebe from friends, but would rather Jennie Garth from Bev Hills.

ZANTA!

Susur Lee

Skinn-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink, Sinna-ma-rink-y-doo

A very wholesome TV show

A very not wholesome meal.

Pea Soup, a Canadian favourite?

David Suzuki

POLKAROO!

Anne of Green Gables

Gnome Painting Party

However, as much as I love salaciously lolling around a lake half drunk snacking on tender bits of sausage, I feel as though more traditions are in order than torching the sky and getting fat.

I've been doing a relaxed poll this week where I ask people what they do to celebrate Canada Day, what traditions they have - the answer seemed to be unanimous:

I think of how I'd ultimately love to celebrate Canada Day, and given all the resources - including bringing historical figures back from the dead and turning fictional Canadian characters into real life people - as well as renting a million dollar Muskoka cottage for a weekend; this is the imaginative storyline of what I would want to ensue:

As I do Pilates with the sun in my eyes glittering off Lake Joe, Joni Mitchell is parked in the corner strumming a guitar and singing about urban sprawl, while Jane Jacobs smiles longingly; her head nodding in approval. David Suzuki yells to all of us cottage guests about consumption and jarringly flicks a light off from the dark loft which causes John Candy to lose his footing and fumble. KURPHUMPH! Eugene Levy gazes up from his Globe and Mail to raise a brow.

Oblivious to the commotion, Trudeau is sauced in the living room bitching about the FLQ and Mick Jagger while Pamela Anderson tries to do tequila shots from the nook of her bosom.

Annoyingly, Sharon, Lois and Bram lash out accusations that someone's been stealing cookies from the cookie jar - making everyone c-r-a-z-y, 123456 switch while FEIST 1234's 'show me that you love me more', around the living room, in an attempt to swoon Susur Lee, who is juggling knives in the kitchen. Kimberly Newport-Mimran is kindly aiding Anne of Green Gables with her outfit while Rebecca Hardy, winner of Canada's Next Top Model, teaches the 100 year old Maritimer how to strut. Just as some odd harmony begins to form, Zanta tears through the living room (who invited him!) and scares everyone as he's chased by the Littlest Hobo. As if things couldn't get any wackier at the Canadian cottage, the Polkaroo comes out of the closet.

Late at night, we'd all gather round the haunting fire lit by David Cronenberg, drink Canadian Club whisky while pretending to be our Dads (in the seventies when they were having sex with people other than our mothers). While drinking ourselves into a rather peculiar Freudian state, we'd listen to Margaret Atwood and Mordecai Richler readings and sing the Blue Nose and Bud the Spud with gusto. Intermittently, Leonard Cohen would complain about being broke and Jean Chrétien would smash a pie in his face.

Ha ha ha - you crazy guy!

Alas, wishes like these aren't always feasible, so you may just have to find a new Canadian Day activity, like making a time capsule, painting gnomes, talking with the trees or playing Loaded Questions.

Other Party Favours

The Great Canadian Playlist
1.Hangover Days - Jason Collett
2.Suenos Dulces - Thunderheist
3.Patio Lanterns - Kim Mitchell
4.Myriad Harbour - The New Pornographers
5.Lovely Allen - Holy Fuck
6. Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams
7. Poison Safe - controller.controller
8. Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young
9. Keep The Car Running - The Arcade Fire
10. 1, 2, 3, 4 - Feist

Great Canadian Debates to launch into:

Are you sad about CBC losing the Hockey Night in Canada song to CTV?
Do you think President's Choice will regain it's reign despite the absence of our beloved Dave Nichol?
Why does everybody hate Toronto?
Why do Quebecers not like Ketchup on their hot dogs?
Where does one find the best dim sum? Vancouver, Toronto, Richmond or Richmond Hill?
Who's ever seen a live moose or beaver, put up your hand. (zoo doesn't count)
Who makes a better bagel, Toronto or Montreal?
Bigfoot - real or not!
What was the better show, Today's Special or Fraggle Rock?
Why are there never any beer ads that target women?
What does it mean to be Canadian?

The Canadian Food Party starting with a "P":

Poutine
Pancakes
Processed Maple Syrup
Pig Foot
Pig Roast
Peameal
Pea Soup
Pork Roast
Pacific Salmon
Potatoe Salad
Porker Pie (anything fattening in a pie crust)

Following your fatty meal - blow up the sky, get naked and go skinny dipping.

Listen to the loons do a wolf cry and call it a night.

Awoooooooooooooooooooooo! Canada, je t'aime!

Okay - so if you aren't into playing Great Canadian Cottage Time on acid, then go check out the fireworks at Ontario Place or come sing Rolling Stone's BITCH on stage with us at Tattoo Rock Parlour for Live Karaoke, Tuesday July 3rd.

We will be having some dinner starting at 8PM and hit the stage around 9PM. For a chance to win a $25 gift certificate towards some seriously good comfort food. E-mail: contests@shedoesthecity.com
subject line: 'LIVE KARAOKE"

Check out amazing rock song list here:

http://www.pinkmafia.ca/

A Weekend Treat for You!

Cover Girl has come out with some serious bold new colours that will compliment your neon tops and acid wash jean jacket - and you don't need to break the bank to look like Madonna in her Like A Virgin tour! PLUS – the wetslicks AmazeMint gloss has Crest infused into it – so your lips smell and taste like fresh mint; I propose an experimental kissing session to test out

So while you may not be able to afford those True Religion jeans for your Saturday night on the town - treat yourself with some new makeup and transform your look from drab to fab. WOOT WOOT!

For a chance to win a Cover Girl prize pack full of delicious products, e-mail: contests@shedoesthecity.com with subject line: I'M A COVER GIRL !

Who says you can't wear makeup around the campfire?

Oh - I hear the ice cream truck! See you later,

Jen

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SDTC PRIDE GUIDE

Submitted by Jen on Tue, 06/24/2008 - 14:26.

SDTC PRIDE GUIDE

Didn't you know? Being queer is like a hundred times cooler than being straight.

NXNE? Old news. TIFFG, we like you but you are a wee bit pretentious and wear too much black. Halloween – you were more fun when I was like seven. Nuit Blanche, very cool but somehow we all end up eating cake in the rain, and having anti climatic moments like the deflated giant locust in Lamport Stadium. Molson Indy…sorry, you don't even make the cut – especially since you make us go half deaf with your zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Sokes and I went to high school together and got in a lot of problems in gym class when we didn't wear the right uniform and smashed giant balls on garbage cans. Long story.

The ball I broke in high school, was almost the size of a Zorba Ball. A Zorba Ball is this new fad in which people roll in giant balls like hamsters. Rad.

DJ Sandra aka BABE

HEDWIG and the ANGRY INCH

HIGH ART

MY SUMMER OF LOVE

I'm trying to figure out a clever name for how this photo speaks to me, don't think I can: JAMMY POMPERS AND HIS CREW OF WASTED MUSHROOM MONSTERS INVADED MY BEDROOM, HIT ME WITH A CRUTCH AND MADE ME SAY MY PRAYERS IN NEON PATTERNS. Maybe that works.

CONGOROCK

LEIF

UH HUH HER

DRAGONETTE! Yep, she totally looks in charge.

Kids On TV

OMG – it's going to be crazy.

Best sex ever was had to Le Tigre! (play HOT TOPIC and then do a sort of sexy saunter his/her way, all the while ripping your clothes off)

Of course hipster land wouldn't be complete without a perfectly posed 'queer' photo shoot in mom's old clothes and AA accessories.

The drag queen photo shoot could go on forever. Such wonderful memories.

PRIDE - now that's where the party's at, and you'll find out if you're too bad! (lyrics to Pump up the Jam, rhymes better when rapped)

"Hey there, I'm not gay or a lesbian, how do I get involved?"

Who are you? Ned Flanders? Barbara Bush? Get with the program and make a pilgrimage to Church street or go visit the Wicked Bitch of the West. Transport yourself from Kansas, I mean King West – and have some fun.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT

Stellar line up, starting with STRAIGHT this Wednesday- just about every hot girl DJ in town will be on the decks:

Sandra (Siamese2Hearts/NYC) (www.myspace.com/siamese2hearts)

Barbi (Syntonics) (www.myspace.com/djbarbi)

Fierce Helder (House of Helder)

Sokes (Straight Girl)

553 Church
7PM – 3AM

GET THERE EARLY YOU LACKADAISICAL LADY!

If you aren't on Church street knocking back shots between knockers, then head to the Gladstone. Please, just look at this poster and tell me you don't want to go.

For all of you out there too 'mature' to watch THE HILLS…this is Spencer Pratt making devil eyes at girlfriend Heidi Montag. Essentially, he's a huge demon, and she's a living bitchy Barbie.

Beyond being an insane dance party, you will also be privy to the Drag Ball on Parade at 8PM and 11PM.

Oooooooooohhhh do I ever mesh well with Drag Queens. Still, my favourite night in the past two years was when a gaggle of SDTC writers and friends fell into a spontaneous dance off in the Drake Underground, followed by a dizzying photo shoot with the theme being 'up the ante'.

DJ's Eightcubed and Tigerbeat

www.myspace.com/eightcubed
www.myspace.com/dynastyparty

Gladstone Hotel
1214 Queen West

Boooyakashah – open until 4AM

$15 advance, $20 at the door (416-531-4635)

THURSDAY

Come join us in the Drake Lounge for SKYY Vodka cocktails, laughs and sweet Temptation Thursday soul music. This isn't an official PRIDE event, but we will be in full celebration mode nonetheless and same sex making out is always encouraged.

SDTC will be there from 7-10PM

Temptation Thursdays will roll late into the night
1150 Queen West

Alternatively, take a break and pick from my list of Top Eleven Queer Film suggestions.

www.shedoesthecity.com/queer_films