Dear MJ, 

My man is always jealous about something. He seriously reacts something awful when he sees another man checking me out. I’ve told him that he should feel complimented that someone else shows interest in his girl…key word being HIS. He says he trusts me 100%, but does he really? I can’t spend anytime online without him thinking I’ve got some crazy chit chat buddy on there…I have nothing to hide on there and he has all my passwords. He looks at all my stuff and reads my inbox all the time, even before I get to it and it’s driving me crazy.

Even though there is nothing to keep from him, I feel so violated….am I wrong here?

I have 2 kids and we’ve been living together for 5 years, you would think by now that he would trust me…what gives?

What do I do? 

Signed,
Sex in a small town

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Dear Small town sex, 

What do you do…? That is a VERY good question, my friend.

Jealousy is a terrible thing. Your guy sounds a heck of a lot like an ex of mine… Note: EX. He would lose his mind at the slightest thing- I couldn’t even turn my head in public without hearing about it for hours. He tore my place apart, snooped through my journal and eventually stole my phone bill and launched a full out investigation to anyone I’d called… Sounds a bit like your life, doesn’t it? I eventually got so tired of being accused of screwing around that I did.  

In order to really get to the bottom of this, I’d need to ask a few more questions: have you EVER done ANYTHING to make this man not trust you? If not, did he have a sordid past with a partner who ran around on him and ruined his sense of security forever? And then there’s the “projecting” argument. Could he be putting his mistrust on you when he’s the one up to no good? There has to be a reason for this madness. And unfortunately, I don’t have enough information (nor the psychiatry degree) to help you sort out what it is.  

Speaking from personal experience, I do know that this is no way to live. It’s bad for you and it’s bad for your children and certainly can’t be good for him either.   

I think you’re going to have to put your foot down here. Tell your guy that you’ve had enough, and start asking questions. Of him and yourself. If you’re planning on staying together and are hoping for any type of peace in your life at all, you should probably urge (as in, demand) he go for counseling. Or, that the two of you go. It sounds to me like you’re going to need it! Good luck and I hope you’ll keep me posted. 

Yours in love,

MJ