There is only one thing harder than having to leave your little cuddlebug. Having to leave your little cuddlebug with someone who, in all respects, is essentially a stranger.

I’ve been experiencing what I’m sure can be classified ‘expected and routine’ anxiety, at having to go back to work and leave little Cy at home with a nanny. Every time I close my eyes I picture that little cherub face of his looking up from his crib and that plump little bottom lip breaking into a quiver as he realizes the face staring back at him does not belong to his ‘mama’. This thought is so incredibly painful I’ve been pretty much a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown for the better part of the last few weeks. My eyes threatening to overflow with tears at any moment and my composure so fragile, I so as much as stumble and am in danger of shattering into a million emotional pieces.

Of course, this is completely normal. I also felt this way the first time I left him for more than an hour – and that was with my own mother!

I will get over it soon enough. But it’s not going to be easy.

What’s even harder, however, is having to choose who this very special person responsible for Cy’s daily happiness and well-being is going to be.

A complicated process really, since neither I nor my friend and co-nanny-sharer have ever been through it. Thinking ourselves proactive, we started early; wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to find just the right candidate! And we thought we did. She was super sweet, and bubbly, a mid-wife by trade, and a natural caregiver – the boys took to her immediately. After having checked her glowing references we made the official call and congratulated ourselves on a search well done.

With 2 weeks left before the big day, we called our nanny to finalize last minute details and get everything in order. To our surprise, she did not immediately return our calls. Or our emails. Or the subsequent barrage of our, at this point, frantic calls, made repeatedly throughout the day, from various phones to make sure she wasn’t screening our calls. She was.

Yes, our nanny was MIA with a week left before our impending return to work. Our very own Mary Poppins just popped-out and never popped back in.

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC etc etc etc……Breathe just breathe just breathe…etc…etc…

Instead of being reassured, all my fears, worries and second thoughts about leaving Cy with a stranger, have just been infinitely escalated. There is not enough sugar in the world to help this medicine go down.

Luckily, in less than a day, the wind has blown in a replacement. She’s sweet and bubbly and has glowing references. And as an added bonus, she’s the proud mother of two adorable pugs. I take this to be a sign. I think the other woman had cats…