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EAT YOUR GRASS AND LIKE IT!

“Do you think we’re right for each other?” I’m chopping up vegetables for our stir-fry dinner while he sits working on his computer at the kitchen table. Sadly, this question doesn’t catch me off guard at all, being that we have the conversation at least once a month – it’s all a part of my… Read More »

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SICK SEX

You know those colds when your nose is totally clogged with snot and your head feels so full it might explode and you’re hacking up mucus every hour on the hour? Welcome to my week. Usually my boyfriend and I simply opt for abstinence during these sick stints but, once in a blue moon, we… Read More »

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GOODBYE SAUCY SUMMER!

My boyfriend and I have really enjoyed each other’s company this summer. This could be because he’s so impossibly cute, or maybe because I’m so darn sweet, or, more likely, because we have both been so fucking drunk. Yes, that’s right, we’ve been dipping into the sauce A LOT this summer. Well hell, we drink… Read More »

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THE POLISH THE PEARL CHALLENGE

My name is Lauren, and I am a masturbator. When I was in high school and college I LOVED masturbating. I could make sweet, sweet love to myself for breakfast, lunch and dinner and STILL be hungry for more. Masturbating was a reason to get up in the morning. Masturbating gave my life meaning. Ok,… Read More »

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Eggless Egg Salad

Food and relationships, for me they have always been closely bound. Fall in love? Lose 5 pounds. Heartbroken? Lose 10 pounds. Or, as my current situation reflects, get comfortable in a three-year relationship? Gain 15 pounds. So, when swimming suit season was in full swing and I realized I wasn’t particularly fond of my ‘chubby… Read More »

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It's Not Us-It's The Other Stuff

I was talking to a friend the other day who had some beefs with her current boyfriend and found, for the first time in a long time, I couldn’t relate in the slightest. I had only wonderful things to say about my other half, and, just to brag a little, it feels really awesome. This… Read More »

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