My day last Friday went something like this: I woke up (flawless) (jk but well done at the VMAs Beyonce the world is so proud of u), worked on this here website as well as a few freelance projects from my office* (*bed), drank some weak coffee, had a stale pita for lunch AND dinner, and then headed to a basement bar to perform a comedy show where I made jokes about farting out my own dick (?) in front of my own dad (!).

So you can imagine how surprised I was to end the night sipping an incredibly fancy cocktail by candlelight on the 31st floor of the Trump International Hotel and Tower.

Courtesy of Hotel Tonight, a swanky new app that gets you crazy deals on a curated selection of cool hotels wherever you happen to be, bae and I grabbed a casual Uber and headed to Toronto’s Trumpiest digs, checked into a room that normally costs over $400 a night, and ordered a goddamn extra large pizza because you only have one life, you know?

We completed our little staycation with a trip to the hotel’s ritzy cocktail bar for a nightcap with Wealthy Olds who could actually afford to stay in the place, followed by some American classics on TV while we chomped on our half plain cheeser, half both kinds of olives with garlic dipping sauce in the softest, biggest bed and matching TRUMP-branded robes and slippies. Anything else that went down in that king-size bed is between us and the giant, rainshower-head equipped shower.

SDTC gets sent a lot of cool stuff, but this app really strikes me as something I’m going to use again. It was exciting and refreshing to stay in a hotel in the city I live in, and it would be great to get to stay in upscale hotels at discounted rates on the road, too. Our mini-break felt indulgent without being over the top, and would certainly have been cheaper than travelling somewhere else. We wandered out to Queen Street the next day and headed back to our cat and stale pitas with the verve of people who’ve spent time away from home.