What rides like a moped, charges like a laptop, parks like a bicycle and feels badass like a Harley? Introducing the Ecoped City 45. For downtown girls who need to get around, this is the environmentally friendly gizmo that feels sooo good between your legs.
Last week, we pedaled our old-school bikes in the hot stinking streets, dinging bells maniacally for fear of being doored, to meet up with a guy who teased us with the ultimate joyride. We wrestled with our Kryptonites and went on a manhunt around UofT that lead us to two electric bikes stylishly parked outside Convocation Hall; looks like we had finally graduated. Ecoped man showed us how to kick the stand, turn the key and rev it up – and we were off on a round about, looping Kings College Circle like it was the Arc de Triomphe.
Move out of the way you lingering students; can’t you see we’ve got speed?
Once comfortable, we hit Bloor Street to pose against the Bata Shoe Museum and decided to zoom up Admiral Road, in hopes of catching Atwood’s attention. We wanted to give her the cat’s eye.
Thrilling like the teacup ride at Disney minus the nausea, we had momentum like Joshua Jackson ready to cross Canada in one week – but opted for the big rock at Yorkville. If only the Pomeranian guy was there with his flock of itsy bitsy micro pups, we’d snatch one for a detour.
The Ecoped is an electric bike that you can scoop up at Wal-Mart for under $1000. We were pleasantly impressed by its good looks, agile maneuverability and acceleration. 2009 will always be remembered for the year the automobile industry buckled and although we can’t transport to the future, we are thinking that these Ecopeds are the next big thing. They just make sense – using no gas, you can power these puppies at your office cubicle or any plug at home. Bust from downtown to uptown, Queen West to the Beach quickly without the terror of being bulldozed by a douche bag exiting a taxi. With side view mirrors, turning signal and honker that gets noticed, we felt like the road was ours – even in rush hour traffic.
When I winked at the cop I could tell he was thinking “SMART RIDE.” Uh huh, now check my step up. VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM – away we went, until I got reprimanded for doing figure eights around the Dundas Square fountains.
Hoping to find revelry and colourful drunks on Church Street, we were almost sad that Pride hadn’t really taken off. Where were all the lewd drag queens to jeer us on? Instead we just parked and gave a pat on the head to a lonesome dog.
You know what one of the biggest annoyances in life is? Government paper work. Just seeing that I have to renew my health card curdles my blood. With the Ecoped – there ain’t any of that BS. No insurance, no special licenses – just get it and ride it. No gas, no extra cost and when you hit up the Black Bull – you can slide it right between a Harley and a Yamaha, it feels pretty damn cool.
Yeah…whatchyou looking at scary biker man?
We drove our Ecoped City 45’s up the Ossington strip and even drove right into Ministry of the Interior through the side garage door. Check out this contemporary design – it would go so well with that totally ironic Jason Miller graffiti table eh? I guess just because it feels so light and stylish doesn’t mean you can drive it inside. Sorry guys, we got carried away cause it matched our Ray-Bans so damn well.
Final stop, Big Chill for ice cream.
Licking our cookies and cream next to our Ecopeds was so hip it hurt. We only wish people we knew were walking by just so we could say what we’ve always wanted to: “Check out my sweet ride.” (Naturally, this would be expressed in exact same tone as Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused)
Lapping up our decadent delights, we couldn’t help but think “Why would anyone get coughed on, groped and verbally abused on the crowded street car when they can steer one of these to and from work?” A metropass is over 1200 a year, and comes with at least one virus.
Driving back to UofT we parked our Ecopeds and sadly said goodbye. Back on our bicycles we went. Veering down College St we dinged our bell, raised the middle finger at A-hole in the U-haul and panicked when our tires felt stuck in the streetcar tracks. Ai yai yai yai – yeee. EEEEEK! Okay good, not dead.
If we had to ride off into the sunset, it would be with you, Ecoped. Hells Angels – WATCH YOUR BACK!
More info? http://www.ecoped.ca
WIN WIN WIN!
Hold up – you can win one of these? That’s right folks. Enter our Hot Times Summer in the City contest and you could score an Ecoped City 45 along with a whole lot of other amazing loot.
….and to that we say – WOOT WOOT!