Dear MJ,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now. I love him. He’s my best friend & the person I could so spend the rest of my life with. 

The thing is, his identical TWIN brother recently hit on me.  It was more than a “sisterly hug and kiss”, it was a moment.  Bothered, but not wanting to seem crazy or overreact; I delicately broached the subject with my boyfriend. The end response was “yeah… we’ve swapped girlfriends before”.  GOBSMACKED.  WTF??

The twin brother has been single for a couple of months so naturally, we’ve been hanging out, the three of us.  And it was fine, what’s not to like? He’s like my boyfriend; he looks & acts like my boyfriend however I’m not HIS girlfriend.  But apparently, the brothers share more than just clothes and jock-straps. 

What does all this mean??? Is my boyfriend over me but his twin is in love with me so I’m being passed off??? Is this a role reversal of BIG LOVE and I’ll be searching for a third member for the family?  Were they feeling me out for a threesome?  My imagination is on overload!!!

Part of me is a bit aroused by the thought of having sex with them; together and separately. I got myself so worked up over one fantasy that I dusted off my vibrator because I was so horny.  But the other side of me is really hurt by this. Will I ever have a normal relationship?   

Signed,
Twin Trouble

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Dear Trouble, 

Dead Ringers anyone? 

I’m torn between shouting “Hooray! Fun with twins!!” and frowning because it’s a bit of a surprise to find out after a year with somebody that they’ve been sharing vaginas with their brother.  

The fact that your long-term boyfriend didn’t really bat an eyelash, break a sweat – or his brother’s nose for that matter, after he came onto you does send a bit of a message and it’s this: I’m open to my brother nailing you. And since said wonder twin doesn’t have a girlfriend to swap your fella for, it really could mean the opportunity for a game of twin tag – and guess what? This time, you’re IT. 

To be honest, I’m not sure what would classify as a “normal” relationship as I’ve never really had one… wait, check that, I have had one (and only one) and I was bored. 

In my opinion, there’s no such thing as normal, there is healthy however; and I bet you any therapist within a ten mile radius would say that to fantasize about your boyfriend’s twin brother is healthy (and perfectly “normal”- there’s that word again. At least I hope it is; I used to date a twin….) but to act on it, is not. I’m not entirely sure I’d agree… I believe that it should be up to each individual couple to decide what the boundaries of their relationship are as we are all different. What works for one couple may not work for another and, at the end of the day; you really need to do whatever is going to make you happy. 

For me, it really comes down to what YOU want from this relationship. If engaging in the odd threesome with identical twins you know, trust and love is what floats your boat, then go for it! Just be mature about it and spend some time thinking about what you want with your current boyfriend (or if you’re open to a trade with said twin). I’d be lying if I didn’t think there was a good chance this could alter the course of your relationship or change your boyfriend’s perception of you but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s also not to say that it will be a negative change. The only way to really figure that out is to have an open and honest chat with him about it. If the man is willing to share you with his brother, one would hope he’d at least be willing to share his feelings with you. So, ask the man what he wants, what his intentions are [warning: he may not know himself… they rarely do ;)] and take it from there. 

And please, please, please… if you do decide to go for it, drop me a line and let me know how it went!!! 

Yours in vicarious love,

MJ