What to do when you run into your ex… and they bolt across the street

Yesterday, I ran into my ex. Well, not so much ran into, as he spotted me and promptly raced across the street. It would have been a tad more humorous if it had been into oncoming traffic, but that would just be immature and sadistic. The funny thing was, we had a torrid two-year on and off thing in a completely different city. Stranger things have happened, right?

The natural response to someone crossing the street in order to avoid you is to go into extreme-panic mode. You may think that you were the worst girlfriend ever, or simply a terrible person in general. While your ex may think that, it’s not necessarily true. So if they run away, hold your head up high and own that sidewalk. It’s just the universe’s way of reminding you that you run this town.

As an extreme over-thinker, you will often think about the great inevitabilities of life. They for you, dear reader, are the following: Death, taxes, existential malaise, and running into your ex.

Most ex run-ins can be cordial, yet strained. Or maybe you’re one of those unicorns who is totally okay with your ex existing on the same planet that you do. If you’re one of those magical people, congratulations, you’re on top of Maslow’s self-actualization pyramid. If not? We’re here to help.

If your ex doesn’t bolt at the very sight of you, you’re already halfway there. Don’t you dash across the street either, just continue on your merry way. If the break up was cordial, by all means, stop and say hello. Unless you guys are super besties, don’t engage in conversation for longer than three minutes. You’ve got better things to do. Like watch paint dry.

Don’t talk about the state of your relationship, or how much you miss them. Or yell at them for not paying you back $40. Now is not the time, that pavement is your property, remember? As much as you want to recite a Shakespearian soliloquy of all that they’ve done wrong, or to show the fluster on your face, don’t.

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