Do you squirm with jealousy at the sniffing, swirling, swishing and sipping of wine connoisseurs? Do you dream of amazing your friends with delicious bottles of wine tailored perfectly to meal and occasion? Until now, did you, like me, pick bottles of wine based on three expert categories: Funny Name, Pretty Label, Cheap Price? If so, the least likely of heroes is here to bring out your inner sommelier: Meet Francois, the Talking Mime.

At www.francoisthetalkingmime.com, the LCBO splits some delicious wines into three categories: Soft & Subtle, Medium & Balanced, and Big & Bold. For each wine, they present a recipe (printable) to pair it with, the price, and all those hints, aromas, bodies and other stuff that make you sound like you know what you’re talking about, wine-wise. Pick up a bottle and go from there: you can plan an entire event based on their recommendations. Hostess with the Mostess has never been and easier title to achieve.

FRANCOIS SAYS: Pair some holiday turkey (or turn a turkey-sandwich-leftover-lunch into a classy indoor picnic) with medium-bodied wine La Vielle Ferme Cotes du Ventoux. Also good with cheese or grilled chicken. It’s "a dry wine perfumed with raspberry and a hint of spice." Sound sommelier-y, don’t I?

For a peek into the life of a non-video-generated sommelier, check out She Does The City’s interview with Patricia Croisetiere, Sommelier for The Drake Hotel