Friends of mine barely recognize me any more.

See, I used to be the type of person who swore off of romance, long-term relationships, anything that hinted at a commitment (including a permanent day job).

I was the chick who would go out with one dude on Friday and a different bloke on Sunday night (and go home with both of them if they were cute).

“Most marriages are gonna fail! I don’t believe in monogamy!” I would crow, sitting alone at the bar while everyone else danced.

“I like my own company better than anyone else’s!” I would announce to my empty kitchen as I made a Cup-A-Soup.

“I just couldn’t stand to be a corporate drone!” I sneered as I counted out pennies to pay for my lunchtime Slurpee.

“I’m straight, I just can’t help it!” I would tell any lesbian within a fourteen-mile radius of my person.

Now, not only do I have a desk job, but also a long-term, monogamous, LIVE-IN partner. Oh, and by the by, she’s a lady. What? You mean to say that I was both so certain about these things and 100% incorrect? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Soak it up people. I was wrong and am often wrong and I admit that, fully, without shame. Finally, right? Take a picture, it lasts forever.

Now, do my old friends find my current day-job situation funny? Of course. How out of character! Filing by day, dick jokes by night. Do they gently rib me about the fact that my Instagram is almost exclusively couple selfies of me and my GF? I should certainly hope so. We’re obsessed with each other.

But did anyone stand up on a chair and say “This shall not stand! You must be straight and alone forevermore!” Did they tell me I’m a sell-out? No, of course not. No one gave one flying fish about it. Because we’re all adults now and also, who cares? No one. No one cares.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons about change over the past couple years and I thought I would share them here.

Lesson #1– You’re allowed to change your mind. See above re: no one caring. Taking in new evidence and coming to a new conclusion is the height of intelligence! You should regularly review your ideas and beliefs, and shift them accordingly. Remember learning? That thing you did in elementary school? Keeps happening for your whole dang life, turns out. Something you think is right at present moment will turn out to be wrong! Nothing you can do about it. Try to bend sometimes or you’ll snap.

Lesson #2 – You won’t always be the same. In my case, this goes for sexuality (which, as we all like to remind everyone OTHER THAN OURSELVES, is fluid). If you’re straight then gay then queer, no one cares. Just be your thing. If anyone’s rude about it, well, you know who to take off your (already crammed) gay wedding invite.

Lesson #3 – Tastes change. The sweater you thought was awesome and kind of Kurt-Cobain-y in Grade 7 eventually moldered into a tangle of yarn in the back of your closet. And thank goddess for that because you’d look stupid wearing the same sweater for 20 years. Your style changes, your taste in romance partners changes, and your taste in food changes (don’t even get me started on the way black licorice went from “most hated” to “gimme that!”). Don’t say “I hate green peppers, I’ve hated them since I was 4!” Try, “I used to hate these. [crunch crunch] Wow, these are still pretty horrid. See you in 4 years, Green Peps!” How hard is that?

Lesson #4 – Don’t get mad at people or things for changing. Life changes as much as your underwear does – get on board. Don’t yell at your friend because they don’t want to have the same Manicure-Mimosa Sunday that you’ve been doing for two years. Try something new! Go on a canoe! That rhyme was accidental. Just switch it up. You never know what you’ll find out there.

Lesson #5 – Don’t confuse stasis with stability. Stability is what keeps you grounded. Your family, your friends, your spouse, a steady income, a healthy amount of routine. Stasis is being stuck in that same shit job for eight years and too afraid to even update your resume. Stasis is being bored by the same group of friends doing the same night at the bar every Friday. Stasis is being bored with your own life but changing nothing. Stasis sucks. Banish it from your life wherever you can.

So what’s the takeaway here? In my case, if I hadn’t learned these lessons, I would be a different person. I would have been so very consistent and true to my beliefs and so remarkably steadfast. But you know what? It wouldn’t have been worth it.

I would have missed out on seeing my friends who are in love and being able to say, yeah, ok, I get it.

I would have missed out on enjoying the stability of a job that works with my life and pays the bills.

I would have missed out on finding my own queer identity and being a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

I would have missed out on being blissfully happy with the love of my life right now.

Go ahead, change your mind. See what you’re missing out on!