I dispute the notion that Toronto is boring.

When I recall my most vivid Toronto memories, I think about the Jays winning the World Series and how everyone fled to the streets to honk, run– scream and slap high fives. I visualize the chaos during the 2003 blackout, taking turns at my apartment door with a hammer – in case of rioting freaks. I reminisce being a young teen and screaming Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah in Speaker’s Corner.

But aside from the obvious memories that involve major events or city landmarks…there are a number of less obvious anecdotes that are conjured up.

PAPER BAG FLASHER

I was seventeen, having coffee with a friend in Yorkville. At around 11:30 PM, we sauntered back to the car and were met by a running naked man with a paper bag on his head. He bolted at us, while simultaneously jerking off. Practically pressed up against the window, we madly fumbled with the keys, screamed, slammed the door and barely got away. Not really funny, but a huge adrenaline rush at the time.

THE STREETCAR RAMP NEAR DISASTER

In a daze one afternoon, I nearly drove my car down the ramp into the underground St. Clair West station. Now that would have been ridiculously embarrassing.

A DATE WITH JOHN WATERS

During the Toronto International film festival, I hosted John Waters for a day at the Intercontinental Hotel. We smoked cigarettes, discussed in detail why John loved Baltimore so much, and I awkwardly relayed my obsession with HAIRSPRAY.

NIGHTLY RACOON HUNTS

In the 80’s, when my sister and I couldn’t fall asleep, my Dad would put blankets in the car and we’d go Raccoon hunting in Rosedale….we didn’t kill them, we just tried to spot them crossing streets and eating people’s garbage.

FAKE ID DEBAUCLE

In grade 11, my girlfriends and I anxiously stood in line at the Joker, possibly the worst club EVER to hit Toronto , and just as we were about to wriggle through the door a gigantic bouncer grabbed our fake ID’s and ripped them to shreds. In utter shock, we proceeded to the nearest alley to cry. Panicked that we’d be arrested but more concerned that our parents would some how be notified.

THE LAWRENCE PARK INTERVENTION

Every Victoria Day, our family would invite the entire Lawrence Park neighbourhood to sit on our front lawn, watch fireworks and eat Rice Krispie squares. Being fifteen and terribly exhausted with this tradition, I ran to my bedroom – put my speakers in the window and blasted HOLE. My mom raced up the stairs, yanked the stereo chord from the wall and tore a strip off me.

Living in this city is far more than the CN Tower, Street Hockey and Facebook fanatics. The great stories don’t always involve bright lights, gold chains and flashy flash.

Happy Manic Monday,
Jen

TOMORROW NIGHT IS ALL ABOUT GETTING SO EXCITED THAT WE NEARLY COMBUST, BASHING AROUND THE DANCE FLOOR AND LAUGHING LIKE WILD HYENAS – COME CELEBRATE AT THE DRAKE WITH US!! WE WILL BE THERE AT NINE AND GET ON THE DECKS BY 9:30.