By Haley Cullingham

Shelley Saywell’s documentary, In The Name Of The Family, goes behind closed doors and religious taboos. Winner of the 2010 Best Canadian Feature Award at Hot Docs, the film begins with an exploration of the tragic murder of young Mississauga high school student Aqsa Parvez, whose father is charged with killing her. From there, Saywell examines young Canadian women who are living in family situations similar to Aqsa’s-dealing with abusive immigrant parents who are struggling to reconcile their distorted values with the cultural climate in which they are raising their children. Saywell weaves the portraits of these strong women with the story of girls who were not so lucky-young women who became violent victims of a parent’s religious conviction. Saywell’s film is insightful, intelligent, and frightening. We spoke with her about why she chose to tackle this difficult topic, and the importance of telling these girls’ stories.

Why did you decide to explore honour killings?
I made a film in 1999-2000 in the Middle East called Crimes of Honour that looks at a very specific form of femicide known to some as “honour killing.” This form of violence is not sanctioned by ANY religion but has roots in an ancient tribal notion that the family’s honour is rooted in its women, and if a woman/girl shames the family she must die. When I made Crimes of Honour it was a real expose, few people in the West knew much about it. The documentary was used by immigration judges in Canada, for example, to help young women applying for asylum here – to escape their family’s threats.

Seven years later, Dec. 2007, I was brushing my teeth listening to the morning news on the radio and I heard that a 16 year old Mississauga high school student named Aqsa Parvez had been murdered, allegedly by her father. I took my camera and went to film the vigil. I didn’t know if I’d make another film on this – I didn’t know if this incident was an anomaly or the canary in the mine. Three weeks later, 2 teenage sisters in Dallas were shot to death by their father. Five months after that, a 19 year old student in New York was stabbed 11 times by her brother. I realized to my dismay that this form of domestic violence had come to North America, and was becoming a serious problem for young immigrant girls and women who were straddling two cultures. So the film came into being that way.

How did you connect with the families of these girls? 

It took a long time. Aqsa’s family will still not talk to us, but one of her brothers has said he will when the trial is over. Waheed Mohammed (now in prison for stabbing his sister) agreed to tell his story after many months of writing letters and phone calls from my field producer Habiba. Patricia Said, mother of the murdered teenage daughters in Texas, gave us her first long form interview after many agonizing months of decision. It was hard for her to talk about it, but in that story the father escaped, and she and the FBI are hoping the exposure might help. As for the girls in the film, I had help from a friend – an Afghan Canadian high school teacher, and we also connected with some of the girls through Facebook. There was a lot of activity after Aqsa’s death – girls writing things like “this is my story too.”

Were there any surprises that occurred during the process of filming?
I guess the difference between this story and my earlier film in the Middle East is that in some ways the girls here in Canada and the West have even more difficulty navigating their lives. They are exposed and surrounded to a much more permissive society here, they have peer pressure and want to fit in, and yet in some very conservative families, this can be really dangerous. One “surprise” was when a brother, now in prison for stabbing his sister, was asked why he wanted to tell his story, he said “so that girls will learn not to do what his sister did” –he had no remorse or sense that what he had done was morally wrong. This is the thinking that really has to change.

What do you think communities can do to break this cycle of abuse?
I’d love to see both mainstream society, and the local communities, deal with this together. We need education in both places. Men and boys need real education that violence against women, under whatever guise, is simply not acceptable. There can be no hiding behind cultural or (distorted) religious views. This crime doesn’t happen in educated segments of the communities. And we need to help keep immigrant communities and families from feeling alienated and under fire. We need social, religious and school leaders to speak out and openly – to say this is wrong. We need more guidance councilors in the schools from the affected communities where this is most prevalent, to work with the kids and help bridge understanding between them and their families.

Why do you think it’s important to tell this story?
We need to listen to the girls in trouble. We need to believe them. They need help. We need to be part of a process of eradicating this form of misogyny. We can’t hide behind “political correctness,” and be frightened to talk about this for fear of attacking a specific immigrant community. Nor should the communities feel this is “dirty laundry.” As Lubna Tahir, Muslim, mother of six daughters, and the one who took Aqsa Parvez in when she fled home now says, “We need to talk about this openly. There is no shame. You will NOT lose respect. I think you will gain respect by being open and looking for ways to change things.”

What did you learn from the girls?
The film is dedicated to Aqsa Parvez, Amina Said and Sarah Said. They were all innocent and beautiful girls, killed by the men who claimed to love them the most. These girls had so much potential, two of them wanted to be doctors: had they lived, they would have brought their vibrant multi-cultural sensibility into their adult life and enriched our society. Their death is such a tragedy and loss to all of us.

The girls who have survived are very brave. They want to help other girls in their situation. They are going to make our society a much better place someday.