"Make room for the addition to your clique."

Five Ways To Support A Friend Who Has a Baby When You’re Just Not The Baby Type

I’m coming to the age during which many of my friends are 1: getting married, 2: having babies, or 3: buying a property within their wedlock to store those babies. Perhaps I’m a bit on the side of latency when it comes to these things; I’m almost 26, looking to go back to school in my 27th year, in a new relationship and am eons and eons away from ever moving out of my mom’s condo’s “revamped office space.”

For those of us who hold babies like this and tuck babies in at night like this, here are five ways to support a friend who has a baby when you’re just not the baby type.

1.     Listen

While you may not be able to see the utility of different types of breast pumps, feeding techniques and feeding schedule “regulating,” I’ve heard support in the feeding area makes the world of difference. Asking questions about the boob and nipple aren’t awkward when it’s a good friend and you care about her well-being. She is probably DYING to talk about her nipples with SOMEONE who will listen.

2.     Maybe Text It

That baby needs hella attention. Text when you can and offer to chat and stop by—if the partner is still at work while mama acts as primary caregiver, some adult human interaction and conversation is good for the brain. Get these in where ever you can.

3.     She’s Still the Girl She Was Before

Don’t fall off the map. Just because she’s had a baby doesn’t mean she’s not the wild girl that once karaoke-growled “Miss World” in front of a filled Drake Underground with a live band and did so SHAMELESSLY. Share the silly jokes you did before, talk to her about your dating qualms and career woes—she is the same girl you’ve always loved and having a baby hasn’t changed who she is at her inner most self.

4.     Make Room

Reserve a table for three. Find stroller-accessible restaurants. Plan 1-2 hour outings that aren’t too hard for the mama-baby combo to get to. Don’t alienate her because she “can’t do the things you used to” (which isn’t always true). Still have a life with your girlfriend—just make room for the addition to your clique.

5.     Play With The Kid!

Mama needs a break. So find ways to entertain the little one—be on alert, make the giggly one go goo-goo and remind her of the funny little things the love bug does that for mommies can become repetitive and tasking. Love the bebe, love the mama, and make them both laugh while realizing that you are beginning a life-long journey (the little one’s life).

Beyond my sound advice, I just don’t think I’m the have-your-own kids type. For that matter, I’ve never been very DIY; It’s been a strange couple years of researching “Feeding Types” and figuring out what the hell “latching” is. I love moms, I have one myself, but I have little desire to do the mommy thing. For those of us who just don’t feel overly mother-oriented, navigating the world of loving a lovely friend and new mommy can be downright awkward. In the face of loving support that you can show for a friend as she journeys into motherhood, all awkwardness will fade away and you will love your friend even more for her courage to do that which you just don’t want to.

(Dedicated to Mama Jen)

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