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Very, Very Last Minute Halloween Costumes For the Truly Lazy

Full disclosure: I hate Halloween. As a child, I was paired with an extremely hyperactive neighbourhood kid for many of my Trick or Treating “adventures.” She raced across the lawns of every house on the block while I, draped in fabrics, would stumble/trot effortfully behind in an attempt to appear interested in collecting “free” candy for what I felt was actually an extremely high price.

Now that I’m an adult, I get to decide whether or not I will participate in the holiday for the damned. Every year, I choose not to dress up for Halloween until the very last minute when I am overcome with the urge to go to one of the many parties being thrown and find myself without a costume. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, or are currently in the midst of telling yourself that you will absolutely not be going out dressed as a slutty leprechaun AGAIN this year, here are some great last-minute costume ideas for those of us who love to party, but hate to plan:

1. Lipstick/Eyeliner face paint.
What is make up but face paint we use daily to dress up in our “Adult” costumes? (Deep, right?) We’re all aware of the obvious options for Hallows Eve—cat whiskers, clown mouth, porcelain doll—but I highly encourage you to branch out with the less well-known (but no less brilliant) options that are afforded to you with this highly convenient artistic medium. Consider The Coldsore, Virgin Statue Crying Blood, and Promiscuous Rudolph (the rest of your costume is also drawn on with lipstick). You’ll be the envy of every woman who spent $50 on an ill-fitting costume at Party Surplus who knows she has a tube of lipstick in her purse she could’ve used instead.

2. Coffee cup chic (pictured above)
If you’ve got a spare headband around and a mildly clean coffee cup, well you’ve got yourself a coffee cup fascinator, my friend. Turn your coffee up upside down, secure it with a headband and tell everyone you are an attendee at a Royal event. Flattering, cheap, a whiff of aristocracy about it. Makes sense to me.

3. Take the bed sheet toga/ghost costume one step further
For centuries (probably) the bed sheet has been an incredibly versatile asset to Halloweeners (Halloweenees?). But why go as your typical Ghost or Grecian Goddess when you can take “spooky” to the next level and go as a CSI investigation? Simply arrive at your chosen Halloween event, lie down in an inconspicuous area of the room, pull the white sheet over yourself and enjoy multitudes of “oohs” and “aahs” as the other guests simultaneously marvel at and envy your costume choice. This costume is also ideal for sneaking in the coveted “party nap,” and for avoiding awkward conversations (or conversations, period).

4. When in doubt, think “Modern Art”
Wrap some spare bubble wrap around your torso, grab a spatula, stick your feet in some Kleenex boxes and go as a piece of Modern Art. What are you? No one knows. You’re probably a “statement” about “modernity.” Note: above costume is also very close to the classic and well loved “Child With No Parental Guidance” costume. Switch them up throughout the night! The world is your oyster!!! (Oyster costumes are too complicated, don’t bother.)

5. Go as yourself
Toss on your slippers, take out your contacts, put your hair up in a messy bun and go as you on a “personal day.” Rustle up a jar of olives and a spoon and give people a real look into your private life (sorry, that was a really intense look into my own personal life). Incorporate a binge marathon of Teen Mom into this costume by insisting to the host that you need to take over the living room area to “catch up on your stories,” and voila: you just won Halloween.

Remember, after a certain point in the evening everyone is too hopped up on sugar and alcohol to know if your face is a mask or not, so you really have nothing to worry about. Drink up, party down in whatever costume you manage to throw together, and don’t eat those weird candied apples your neighbour left on your doorstep (because of razors, duh).

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