By Stella Lewis

So in my mind, casual sex and one night stands are completely different ball games. Heh.

I’d define a one night stand as when you meet someone at a bar, on the dance floor or on holiday, (often intoxicated) and go home to shag without ever exchanging last names/info. And there’s no desire or expectation you’ll ever be laying eyes (or other body parts) on each other again. Casual sex, on the autre hand, is an unromantic good time, and something I’m a big fan of during my single days. And nights. In my experience and by my definition, casual sex doesn’t happen on the first meeting and there’s usually going to be a crossing of paths again. But there’s nothing more than chemistry, tension and sex between moi and him. Candidates would be, for instance, the sexy manager of your local and oft-frequented cocktail bar, a roommate of a one month flat-let abroad, or a colleague at a temp job. You can barely small-talk, but have mad horizontal chemistry for some reason. One Friday’s flirtation becomes next weekend’s cardio. You get the idea. This is my line in the sand. Am I making up my own rules for appropriate sexual behaviour? Damn straight. As should every other young woman who’s single, smart and sure of herself. I cannot profess to understand the ladies who are totally blasé about sex, nor do I admire the ones who cry and regret things the morning after. But I know myself pretty well, what’s okay for me and what is not, and of course, how to be smart and protect myself.

The other weekend I broke my personal one-night stand rule. Apparently I go into sexual hibernation-the past few years have randomly coincided with single and celibate in the winter and slightly slootier in spring. But I guess it had been a long winter, ’cause spring came early. And I’m a sucker for someone 6”4 with a pretty face (I have a talent for never lowering my standards despite inebriation. A 4/10 is still a 4 after six drinks). Did I mention, due to the long weekend, that this was Feb. 14th?

I really have no feelings towards Valentines. It sounds defensive, but I don’t. It was the Sunday night of a long weekend and the opportunity to sleep in spells drinks and dancing to me. This guy may have had other ideas, though.

Red bull and hormones and surprisingly decent conversation meant the night lasted until about 8am. And it was weirdly intimate, which TOTALLY threw me. Maybe it was owing to the long chat? The accomplishment of unexpected sexual compatibility? Whatever the reason, the cuddling was unexpected. And it weirded me out. My motivations were to get laid, not to get held in a way that was way more reminiscent of the guys that have mattered than the guys who have not. Did I have a great night? Definitely. This boy knew what he was doing. Twice. But a nonchalant rendezvous it wasn’t.

I guess I’m a little black and white when it comes to these issues. But there was nothing in this night that I recognized from previous casual encounters-which had included laughing, fucking and enjoying the evening and each other with the obvious emotional arms length intact. To get overly analytical, I guess it would sit both to the left on my sexual spectrum (because this was someone I didn’t know and wouldn’t see again) and to the right, (for being more intimate than any other casual thing I’ve had before). Hella confusing. When I’m into a guy, I don’t know how to hold back, I don’t possess the inclination to be anything but honest. I think playing games are a ridiculous waste of time. But whether it be smarts or self-preservation, I’m guess I’m pretty cynical when it comes to purely physically-motivated relationships.

I haven’t yet reached a final conclusion. Was it his behaviour that was unusual? Could it have been his status as a serial monogamist that resulted in playing by a different set of ‘casual’ rules than the gentlemen of my past? Or is it me? Do I need to hold off on instant gratification until there’s someone substantial in my life because I’m just getting waaay too cynical and detached?

Whichever way the eventual jury comes down I both enjoyed my night and am glad to have the experience and story in my arsenal. Because I find it totally hilarious:

I think I may have had a romantic one night stand. On Valentines Day

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