Holy crap, you guys. This weekend I will be fulfilling my lifelong summer dream of getting topless on a beach. Last winter I escaped to Spain for a brief holiday and was so committed to finally going tops-off on the beach in Europe like a Real European(tm), and then when we arrived on la playa it was full of families and old people, all decidedly tops-on. There was one extremely ancient lady rockin’ out with her tatas out, alone in the sun, but I just couldn’t bring myself to join her. Now, fate has given me a second chance. I have assembled a fun group of boys and girls to join in the adventure, and have prepared my jugs…of secret sangriaaaaaaaa! (And my regular boobs but I would NEVER do them the disservice of calling them “jugs.” Who am I, Kenickie?) Here is why I’m like, all-caps EXCITED about it.
1. Body positivity
This has been the summer of rigorously enforced body positivity. It’s had good results, I think. The basic theory behind it is that we (women, generally) have all been slowly and subliminally trained our whole lives to dislike our bods, so we have to work just as hard to outright train ourselves back into liking them through a constant onslaught of positive messages. Instead of voicing some garbage about your bikini line or what your upper arms are doing these days, maybe just appreciate your great bone structure or how strong your legs are, or whatever. Or compliment someone else! A little body positivity goes a long way, and I feel like a crew of people who are all comfortable enough to disrobe in front of strangers are probably going to be a pretty body pos-y crew.
2. Drinking outdoors
Goes without saying, this is the best. Living in England has basically made me obsessed with outdoor boozing. The weather there is so bad that everyone is just fanatic about “dining al fresco” whenever they can, which is maybe a few weeks of every year. “Al fresco” just means “outside,” but honestly I have never heard anyone over there refer to eating outdoors any other way. Let’s get fresc’in!
3. Me <3 Boobs
I didn’t know it was possible to have brown nipples until I was 14 and a bunch of girls that were up at my cottage for a birthday weekend went skinny dipping. Everyone’s nips were slightly different colours! It was mind-blowing. As a kid I had presumed that everyone was rocking your basic pink-to-clear, as my young ginger self was. Now that I am a grown woman with an internet search history like a 12-year-old boy’s, I know about all the types of boobs that exist and I can say with 100 percent confidence that I love them all equally. Just so excited to hang with other types of boobs, guys. And in water? COME ON. No brainer. Floating boobz 4 lyfe.
4. Picnics are great
This was sort of covered in the “al fresco” section, but the actual act of packing a picnic is also incredibly fun. Something about the ritual of it: the laying down of blankets and displaying of pre-cut cheese slices and fruits, trying and failing to keep sand out of everything.
5. Are you allowed to flirt at the nude beach?
This is both a reason I am excited and a legit question. I want to flirt with my boobs out real bad. No? Yes? A/S/L? Plz advise.
6. Sun and sand and all that regular beach stuff
Like, okay, we gonna be nude, but also we gonna be at the beach, which is already a great place to be! Will we make a sand castle? Will we swim for a bit and then do Bond girl-style slow motion exits from the water? Will I get heat rash, as is my usual move, but in places I have never had heat rash before?! The answer to all of these questions is probably yes and I can’t wait!
7. Falling even deeper in love with Toronto
After a few years away, coming back to Toronto has been wonderful. This city is beautiful and vibrant and full of things to do and wonderful people to do those things with. Having grown up here, I feel like I took it all for granted, and had a bit of a “seen it” attitude towards events and places in town. Now that I’ve been living here for a summer on my own, I’ve discovered neighbourhoods I didn’t know existed, and rediscovered communities I thought I’d completely understood. The island is not a place I’ve spent a lot of time, and I’m excited about the whole process–the ferry, finding a good beach spot, strolling to a store (is there a store?!) for some casual pops, whatever. There’s also something about looking at Toronto’s skyline from across the water that makes me happy and proud to live here…and did I mention I’ll have my boobs out?
This is one of the ones I hope my mom never figures out how to Google. See you on the beach!