Dani Belle lost her virginity at 27. Now she’s on a mission to make up for lost time. Each week, she’s taking us inside her wet and horny journey that is Dani’s SEXPLORATION. (This is a true story.) Read part 1 and part 2.
I have no boundaries in my Sexploration. I know in the first post I said there were rules that my boyfriend and I agreed on. Since then (coincidentally on the day that article posted) he sent me an email saying there were no boundaries.
It was me who started the conversation in an email because I had a moment of doubt and was really unsure if I could do this. I didn’t want to ruin my relationship, and I’m certainly not looking for a new one since my boyfriend and I are very much in love. How could I want him, wait for him to return, and still say I wanted to explore my sexuality instead of just sitting here? How did those things not seem contradictory to him? So it was ME who listed those rules, and asked him if he felt uncomfortable with me doing anything not listed. (Secretly, I think that part of me wanted an out.)
“Oddly enough, nothing is off the table,” he responded. “I want you to do whatever you feel comfortable with and set your own boundaries, not based off of what you think I wouldn’t like you to do, but based off of what you do and don’t want to do. Take limits off the table and give it a no holds barred type of try. Nothing like diving in head first to establish your own rules. That’s how I started and found myself, and you deserve the same.”
That is a small portion of why I love this man. Because he’s been encouraging me to do this for months, and not only that, he truly wants it for me.
I deserve the same.
That’s what he said. Now let me tell you why what he says matters to me: I’ve spent my whole life never feeling like I deserved anything. It’s only been in the last few months, after having love and then choosing to fight to keep it over time and space, that I’ve realized how amazing I am. (Other people often told me, but I only half-believed them.) This whole Sexploration started with me needing confidence in the bedroom, but I was only able to find that after discovering it in myself. In everyday life.
See, I’m a big girl – a BBW. Big beautiful woman. And I let that title (or actually, a less socially acceptable title) keep me from putting myself out there. “No one will want a fat girl,” I would say to myself. When someone would flirt I would say, “They don’t mean it; they’re just being nice,” or I would assure myself that I was reading it wrong. The few times I had chosen to speak about my interest in a man, I’d been shot down like Bambi’s mom (though without the shock that poor Bambi probably felt). I never thought I’d have love, or a date, or a kiss; I literally believed I would die a virgin.
Then came this man who swept me off my feet and pushed through all my walls and my excuses and showed me I was beautiful. That I did deserve love. That I, in fact, deserve the world.
What does this have to do with my Sexploration? Everything.
If not for him, I wouldn’t be here on this journey. I wouldn’t have had the courage to go and see; I wouldn’t have felt like I could do this for myself, that there would be any interest, or that I deserved it.
Gaining confidence in yourself in day-to-day life means knowing that you are worth it (whatever “it” is), that you deserve everything, and that you are beautiful, smart, kind and ______ (insert other adjective here). If you don’t have that confident attitude in life, then you will never have it inside the bedroom.
At least that’s what I have learned…and realizing that simple truth has already made all the difference in my exploration. It’s opened me up to new opportunities and allowed me to take risks that feel out of character, but also completely right. The only reason that has been possible is because of confidence. Now, it’s just taking that confidence and translating it into the bedroom – a feat I believe I can do.