Would you say that your friendships are as important as your romantic relationships? Sierra Holder and Caroline Burton definitely would, and in Season 2 of Chunky Coyote: A Couple’s Podcast (But Not!) they continue to explore their relationship as extremely close friends, or what they call “platonic intimacy”.
The duo were matched as roommates in university after a personality quiz suggested they’d have good chemistry. Luckily, the quiz was correct. They’ve been inseparable ever since.
Did you know, right away, that you’d be friends? Did sparks fly?
If you ask Sierra it was fear at first sight. However, once we were in the same room we realized we were meant to be. Spiders were killed and clothing became obsolete. It was clear our energies were meant to find each other…not to mention our birthdays are a day apart! We share big Scorpio energy.
How would you describe platonic intimacy?
If you ask Google, it’s this: “The act of making yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically vulnerable to your friends.” Basically, it’s giving a fuck about your friends as much as you give a fuck about finding a romantic partner. Strong friendships build strong communities, which we all need to survive. Contrary to popular belief there’s enough love to go around.
What does conflict resolution look like for you?
Depends on the day. Sometimes it looks like the silent treatment, other times it’s a casual joke to break the ice, and sometimes it’s those tough conversations. Overall, it’s unpredictable, messy, and scary—but with practice it gets easier.
It’s all about making sure each person is doing their best to honour the needs of the other person, without compromising their own needs. Sounds simple, right? When you remember how important this relationship is to you the only option is to face those fears and dive deeper. It ain’t easy, it ain’t pretty, but it is what it is.
Friendships require nurturing. What do both of you do to nurture the relationship? Keep it strong?
We recognize that we have a unique situation because we live together and have always lived together. Although, this allows more time to be in the same space it can make it easier for us to take this relationship for granted. So, here are some obvious (or maybe not so obvious) things that we think are important:
- Spend time together, whether it’s sending each other memes or keeping up with what’s going on in each other’s lives, taking the time to check in, and just being there.
- Stay curious and leave space to keep learning about one another. We are constantly growing and changing beings and it takes a love of watching another human being come into themselves to make this thing last. This might sound exhausting, but it’s actually really fun and energizing.
- Little gestures go a long way! it doesn’t have to be huge to make a huge impact. We believe energy is cyclical. The more love you give the more you receive.
What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned for one another?
- Vulnerability is key to a lasting friendship.
- No relationship is perfect, nor should it be.
- People want to take care of you.
What have you enjoyed discussing most on your podcast?
We have too much fun, always. But if we had to choose, the exes episode because we love drama. We also just recorded a super fun episode about ethical non-monogamy that really rocked our world, so stay tuned!
What’s your advice to the women out there, who are finding it difficult to stay connected with friendships right now, be it because of depression, or an inability to see one another?
First off, there is no gender specific way to handle relationships. Second, be kind to yourself. We’re living through a collective trauma. It’s harder than ever to stay connected and all you can do is your best, for real.
A good rule of thumb is if you’re thinking of someone, tell them. Start there. For me (Caroline) when I was in the worst depression of my life the only thing that really made a difference was therapy. I don’t know what else to tell you, there isn’t a magic fix, it takes time, but hopefully you won’t feel this way forever. There is no one size fits all when it comes to mental health. Shout out to my community of friends who were still there for me on the other side!
Feeling alone is one of the scariest feelings that all humans experience. We’re all struggling through this thing called life, searching for contentment and companionship, and if we’re all looking for it someone is bound to show up for you if you put yourself out there. Be kind, and be gentle.
Season 2 of Chunky Coyote: A Couple’s Podcast (But Not) will premiere on Sunday, February 7 at 10:00 AM with Episode 2.1, “I’m Black, You’re Not”. Find them on: Spotify, Apple Podcast, or anywhere you listen to podcasts