Making mistakes is the most beneficial way to learn, right? It really hits home when you do something embarrassing that you can’t quite live down. To spare you that pain, we submit some of our (or our bf’s) lube faux pas. Hopefully you’ll take these simple lessons and run with them. No need to repeat history!

Read the Labels
Amanda: I still live with my parents so I have to plan carefully when I’m trying to do the deed. One time the folks were out and my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie before they returned. We knew time was limited, so we rushed to get the ball rolling. While we were applying the lube I started to notice an uncomfortable sensation. A burning sensation. I grabbed the bottle and lo and behold, it was one of those fucked up lubes that warms to the touch. Why do they even make those? Needless to say there was a lot of swearing and showering, but no sex.

Be Discreet
Pam: I’m kind of a girly girl, so I gravitated straight towards the pink bottle of lube. One time after an international romp, I happened to leave it lying in my suitcase. My mom was emptying out the luggage when she noticed the unlabeled, pink bottle. She assumed it was one of my hair products or perfume bottles and placed it neatly on my shelf. I found it proudly displayed later and realized what must have happened. Pretty sure the mother still has no idea.

Get Instructional
Ruth: When I first suggested using some lube to my ex, he seemed a little put off. I was confused until I realized that he had never used it before. I decided to set him straight. I grabbed the pump bottle from my beside table and handed it to him. The hand lotion-esque shape must have confused him, because he squirted a bit on his hands and promptly began to rub it in like moisturizer. I looked at him in horror and asked what the hell he was doing. His only response was more confusion and a little bit of anger, so I sent him straight to the bathroom to clean up. I tucked the bottle neatly back into my beside table and we both went to sleep unsatisfied.

By Meghan Roberts