Of all the theme weekends we could recommend, this is the theme weekend that would involve the most fetish-wear-as-outerwear, sooooo….

I think it is not unreasonable to assert that Madonna’s latest videos for her new album MDNA are full-out cray. Those muscular gay dudes in high heels that she’s making out with? Walking on top of a bunch of muscular gay football players and then throwing a fake baby to an invisible screaming audience?? Girl’s really givin’ it her all, well into her 50s. And now, you can too, if you have a casual $1,650 lyin’ around.

Now, don’t freak out. That sounds like a lot. “Just for Our Lady of Pop?!” you say, dubious. But no, it is not just VIP tickets to the concert. It is limousine transportation, pre-concert dinner and daily breakfast at Quebec restaurant Panache, plus two nights of accommodation at the Auberge Saint-Antoine, one of Quebec City’s loveliest and oldest hotels. (It is technically a “museo-hotel”, and is part of the Relais and Chateau brand, so…)

Here are some helpful French phrases you will probably need if-and-when you partake in this weekend:

It’s not my fault if you’re jealous. // Ce n’est pasma faute sivous êtes jaloux.

I will be having the chocolate croissants. All of them. // Je vais avoirdespains au chocolat. Tout d’entre eux.

Excuse me, do you know where I could find a bullet bra in this neighbourhood? // Excusez-moi, savez-vous où je pourrais trouver un soutien-gorge balle dans ce quartier?

Rita Hayworth gave good face. // Rita Hayworthabonne mine.

Think what an insane girls weekend/bachelorette party/graduation trip/anniversary gift/literally anything this would be. Do not fuck this up. And pack some leather.

For more information on the “Madonna in Quebec” package or to book, please visit www.saint-antoine.com/en/packages  or call 1-888-692-2211.

~ Monica Heisey