Slow dancing? Heck yes. Carboard forts? DOUBLE TRIPLE HECK YES! Sherwin Sullivan Tjia, or Montreal promoter behind the ingenious Strip Spelling Bee has come to rescue you from your Saturday night ennui. First up, this weekend, he’s throwing an Early Summer Toronto Slowdance Night. Designated dancers will be on hand for those who can’t coax their companions onto the floor, and old-fashioned dance cards are available for those who want them. All they ask is that you show up with “an open mind, an open heart, and open arms.” The (slow) jam takes place on Saturday, May 28th in the Main Floor Ballroom of Dovercourt House, 805 Dovercourt Rd. 

As if that weren’t enough excitement, Sherwin has concocted an evening of hijinks which pretty much sound like the party I’ve been wishing someone would throw since always: Cardboard Fort Night! 

What is it? Exactly what it sounds like. The bar will be serving up drinks, and they’ll provide cardboard, black markers, and exacto knives. Bring your own items to pimp out your fort, and DJs will spin fort building music while you drink beer and create something wonderful. At the end of the night, awards will be given to 1st, 2nd and 3rd place forts. But the best part will occur afterwards: THE GREAT SMASHENING OF THE FORTS! Oh my god, why are you making us wait until Saturday, June 25th for this? WHY?