I’ve realized that unlike in seasons one and two, the relationships between The Hills characters have changed in many interesting ways, and so, I’ve decided to dedicate this recap to exploring power dynamics within the show.

First we have the relationship that is Heidi and Spencer, otherwise known as Speidi, or the biggest mistake Heidi will ever make. During their courtship, they both took turns chasing the other. Spencer strayed at the beginning by acquainting himself with Playboy bunnies he found on the internet. He also had a second phone he termed the ‘homeboy phone’. Uh-huh. Back in those days, they spent their time in bars and clubs, slowly but surely alienating their friends, one slimy PDA at a time.

As evidenced by last episode, things have changed. Due to their shortcomings in the friends department and total lack of the likeability factor, these two have become very close homebodies. Heidi is now full fledged working woman, with her own assistant, while Spencer, post Brody divorce, doesn’t have a job to fake his way through anymore. He’s like a creepy dad with no kids who sits at home all day watching YouTube and fetish porn (one would assume).

Also in this episode, Speidi go out to dinner at hotspot Ketchup only to bump into Lauren and Jason getting re-acquainted. Spencer makes a point to walk by their table and tell them that it warms his heart to see them back together. Whoa there Spence – what heart? Then Spencer and Heidi order a drink for Lauren and a bottle of water for freshly rehabbed Jason. Play nice Speidi. Jason and Lauren send them back.

Speidi spend the rest of the night insulting the couple, pretty loudly, considering the proximity of their tables, and Heidi even alludes to them being back in the movie making action. When Lauren and Jason leave, Homeboy and Heidi shout their goodbyes loudly across the restaurant. What are they twelve? These two are like rotten peas in a pod in the compost bin. Stinky, and degrading by the day.

Next we have Elodie and Heidi. When Heidi first came to work at Bolthouse, and I use the word work very loosely, Elodie was a mentor for Heidi. She helped her with her work, encouraged her to stick it out when Heidi was feeling insecure, and they shared many a bathroom break together where Heidi would cry her little heart out.

Last week, Heidi stole Elodie’s job. Not a good move considering her only friend left now is Jenn Bunnie. Elodie initially handled the situation in a graceful manner, however, this week she’s back with a vengeance. As usual, Heidi prances into the office like nothing is wrong, ranting about her weekend with Spencer, while a sour-faced Elodie waits for her to finish. She then reminds Heidi about all the friends she’s lost in the last two years before telling her that she doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong anymore, and how sad she is. So satisfying. Elodie should have her own show where she tells Heidi off. I would watch. Like Elodie Hates Heidi or Bounce the Bimbo.

An important realization from this episode: Justin Bobby is like the mob. You can try to get out but they (J.Bob and his combat boots) keep pulling you back in. Needless to say, Audrina and J.Bob are back together.

Saving the best for last, we have Lauren and Jason. Over the last episode these two went on several outings together, getting to know each other again. There was a time when both seemed very much into each other. In the past, Jason would screw up royally, they would break up… then Lauren would take him back. This went on for roughly a year. Things are different now. New Jason is nice and thoughtful; the hook: he’s only interested in Lauren as a friend. Lauren’s intentions aren’t clear. She’s flirty, wears cute dresses when she sees him, and plays with her hair constantly. Is she looking for something more? How the tables have turned.

Till next week,
-O