THE NAKED TRUTH

What propelled the married woman to rip off her shirt and dance on stage, in just her bra, whilst making out with a hot dyke at a thumping lesbian bash on College last Thursday?

A) She was seeking a feeling of liberation that pushed the boundaries of her social status

B) She had received a spurring comment by a 23 year old male, “You are 28? Well I guess that’s not too old to still party hard..”, and felt the need to prove that she not only could party hard but harder then that 23 year old and his gaggle of scenster friends

C) She mistook Toronto for Berlin

D) She drank too much wine and her irrational actions seemed perfectly rational

E) All of the above.

Correct Answer: E: All of the above.

Hmmm. In this question, I refer to MY absurd actions last week which systematically led me to flee the city and retreat to Le Scandinave water spa in Collingwood, Ontario for the weekend.

Let me back up a bit here.

Usually when something this dramatic and insane happens we call our friends in the morning – explain the situation and this conversation follows:

“WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT”

“I have no idea…but it was really embarrassing”

However, after some recollection, I’ve concluded that I know exactly how the evening led to this outburst, and surprisingly I’m neither ashamed nor regretful but have concluded that if Toronto was more like Paris or Berlin then this would be a non-issue, I think J

While in Berlin last February, I spotted a place called SAUNABAD, a dark wooden store front amongst restaurants and shops. Intrigued, I went inside to check out. There was a bar serving beer to sweaty naked people wrapped in towels who were comfortably hanging out and talking. To my delight, I discovered that this was a co-ed sauna and bath house. I ventured back solo that same evening to, ahem – test the waters.

In the mixed change room sixty year old women, twenty year old men, couples, straights and gay’s all de-clothed together and just wandered to and from the showers, hot sauna’s, and cold baths. Some were jaded and could not have cared less if the guy beside them had a 12 inch cock, others secretly eyed each other down. At one point a forty something man just stared at me – very confidently checking out my body – but some how this didn’t seem invasive or scary, just part of the deal – and well, slightly erotic.

There were big bushes, waxed parts, droopy breasts and small dicks – all together and quite relaxed.

I found the whole experience very sophisticated and civilized.

Moving back to Thursday, a series of events led me to strip down in a very non-civilized way. Firstly, I had been at an art exhibit at Ministry of the Interior –the contemporary coolness, well dressed crowd and international designers removed me from the somewhat conservative Toronto I know, into a lively Berlin night. The wine helped too.

As I departed the exhibit in a good mood – I suddenly was thrown this comment:

“Hey you look good for a 28 year old, and you go out a lot for a girl your age.”  Huh? An unprompted remark from a 23 year old boy.

I know he meant well, or I think he did – but this irked me and began a self motivated challenge in which I needed to prove to myself that:

A) I’m not old

B) I can party harder than you and your gaggle of scenester friends any day of the week.

(Side note – earlier that evening I had witnessed a naked man running up Ossington with just a facecloth clutched to his shriveled dick – this to could have influenced my willingness to expose)

Essentially, I ended up at a lesbian bar night, ripping off my shirt – dancing on stage in my bra and making out with a hot dyke.

This rageful kick of energy resulted in seriously embarrassing, regrettable actions that fueled me to leave the city this past weekend. I headed to Collingwood, as beyond the Dairy Queens, Wall Marts and ski chalets, there is a retreat called Le Scandinave. For $40, you can get in your swim suit and spend an afternoon wading in salt water pools, steam baths and saunas amongst the woods that sit below the ski hills.

I started to think, what would happen if I took off all my clothes and just pretended it was like the real Scandinavian spa’s where nudity is entirely acceptable. I could have played the dumb card and just blamed it on the fact that there were no signs to indicate otherwise, or I could have gotten arrested. This time, I decided to play it safe.

As I waded around trying to analyse my actions on Thursday night – I decided that what I did was really not that bad, in fact it was harmless and fun. Instead of getting mad at myself, I became pissed off that North America was so rigid and STUCK UP, ironically the name of the Ministry of the Interior gallery exhibit. If we had more things like SAUNABAD or naked beaches – then I probably would have never tested the boundaries and acted like a complete insane person at the bar in the first place.

After some R&R in Collingwood and careful analysis I have concluded that:

A)      I don’t care what kind of compliment you are trying to make – leave the word “old” out of it

B)      More people need to rip off their clothes

C)      Germans make good sausage

D)      Always drink wine at art openings

Huh? This doesn’t make sense. I know, but neither do our actions some times.

**If you do want the option to get naked and wander around a water spa – and you are a woman, BODY BLITZ on Adelaide is amazing – an oasis in the downtown core

http://www.bodyblitzspa.com/

***If you are more comfortable clothed and want to get out of town, Le Scandinave

http://www.scandinaveblue.com/

***Heading to Berlin ? Want to check out SAUNABAD?

http://www.saunabad-berlin.de/

TICKET GIVEAWAY!!!

Keira Knigtley’s new film ATONEMENT is the perfect period piece and romance story to get enraptured in, so enter to win one of ten double passes – and if you are extra lucky you may also scoop up an ATONEMENT gift pack.

To enter, e-mail contests@shedoesthecity.com and tell us the last film that Keira Knightley and Director Joe Wright worked on together.

Opens in theatres December 7th, but the ten lucky SDTC winners will score a double pass to special Dec 5th preview screening. Contest ends November 29th, winners will be notified on the 30th.

To see trailer go to:
www.alliancefilms.com

BONNE CHANCE!

Jen

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