The Toy Edition

When it comes to sex toys, are guys threatened or turned on? What’s the best way to introduce objects into play? And, is there a a toy or prop you’d be most receptive to, or even excited about?

Valmont: I personally don’t think it’s fair that a woman can get a toy that will vibrate to the sultry rythms of Luther Vandross while the pinnacle of male toydom is a rubber tube stuck inside a fucking flashlight casing. I’d like a sex toy that feels like I’m getting a blowjob and boning at the same time while Toni Braxton tells me how good my dick feels. Sex toys are awesome. Any man who deems otherwise either has a small dick or can’t fuck, or both, and feels real insecure about his shortcomings. Some men seem to have a very deep-seated fear that if girls start buying toys, we as a gender will be relegated to the roles of producing sperm and fixing the toilet. If you think your guy fits into this category, don’t go whipping out your newest purchase in the heat of the moment–his dick might just shrivel up and die. Leave your clothes on, explain to him that no, you won’t be leaving him for a rabbit, and try to get him to understand how much more into sex you’ll be now that you can finally get off.

McFly: There’s a whole lot of etiquette surrounding the use of toys in my mind. For starters, it all depends on where you are with the person you’re hooking up with. If I’m hooking up with a girl for the first or second time and she busts out a torpedo to “take things to the next level”, I’m not going to be into it. It’s like if I just made you brunch and you douse the omelette with ketchup before even tasting it – faux pas, gurl. On the other hand, if I’ve been seeing a girl for a half year or so, my guess is that she’d have gotten more than used to as many varieties of omelettes I know how to cook, so at that point it might be appropriate to come in with a little spice of the Heinz or toy variety. But there’s protocol here too. That jackrabbit? Keep it in the shoebox under your bed. Lessons on how to make your man feel emasculated quick-fast: whip out a girthy 12-incher and salivate in your enjoyment of it in front of him. An ex of mine was pretty smart about introducing toys into our relationship. We just happened into a toy store one day, and both discussed what was acceptable and interesting, and as we hovered over one which I seemed not to oppose, she whispered naughty words about using it when we got home together. The simple little finger-clip vibrator meant I had to work less to bust a nut, and so did she. Didn’t always love it, but I have to admit that it increased my O-inducing batting average–happiness all around.

Van Stanley: Sex “toys” are not to be dealt with lightly. Some of these devices are not toys but synthetic bringers of pain. Although, if you think the guy you are with would be down with that sort of thing I’d recommend talking about it before hand. There’s nothing worse than a large rubber cock coming out of left field. I’d opt for something for small and vibrating rather than something monstrous and veiny.

The Hitman:A lot really depends on the toy and who it’s being used on. I can’t say I’d jump at the opportunity to get fucked with a strap on, but I’d be willing to try something a little less intense if it meant that she would have a better time.

Handcuffs, or something else in that vein, would be a pretty good starting point. I don’t know any guy that wouldn’t be into this idea–assuming they trust the girl will untie them after.

The key is that you wait until you feel comfortable with him sexually before you bring the toys into play, or you risk freaking him out.

Al Batrosse: Ever seen a guy on a sex advice tv show on a toy-shopping expedition? It’s like his wife is holding a gun rather than a vibrator. Leads me to think that the guy would rather be the one manipulating the toy. Using a toy on a guy leads to a fantastical new level but it often has to start light–as in begin with a feather and go from there.

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